Most of us were raised with at least a basic understanding of politeness—hold the door, say thank you, don’t interrupt.
Unfortunately, some people move through the world like those rules don’t apply to them. They’ll brush off courtesy as outdated or act like basic decency is a waste of their time. And while they might not realise it, the things they casually say often give them away. If you’ve spent time around someone who seems allergic to manners, chances are you’ve heard a few of these lines before.
1. “That’s not my job.”
Technically, they might be right, but it’s not always about what’s written in a contract. People who care about respect and teamwork often step in when help is needed, even if it’s not “their role.” Refusing to lift a finger just because it isn’t spelled out says more about attitude than workload.
This one gets said a lot in both work and home life, and it usually shows a lack of consideration. Instead of thinking about what would be helpful, the person is more concerned with drawing a line around what they’re not responsible for.
2. “I’m just being honest.”
There’s nothing wrong with honesty, but there’s a difference between being truthful and being tactless. People who drop this line often use it to excuse rudeness or blunt criticism that lacks any care or timing. Kindness and honesty aren’t opposites. You can say what you mean without making someone feel like they’ve been hit by a verbal truck. When someone uses this as a shield, it’s often because they don’t want to reflect on how their words land.
3. “They’ll get over it.”
Whether it’s forgetting a birthday or making a snide comment, brushing it off with “they’ll get over it” shows a real lack of emotional responsibility. You don’t have to obsess over every tiny mistake, but it’s important to recognise when you’ve hurt someone and choosing to care.
Polite people don’t assume everyone else will just bounce back from everything. They take the time to check in, apologise when necessary, and avoid repeating the same behaviour. That’s not being dramatic; that’s being considerate.
4. “I don’t have time for this.”
This one often comes out when someone’s being asked to show patience, empathy, or basic attention. Sure, everyone gets busy, but when someone constantly pulls this phrase out, it’s usually code for “Your needs aren’t important to me.” People who value manners don’t rush others along or dismiss them mid-sentence. Even when time is short, they know there’s a way to communicate that without making the other person feel like a nuisance.
5. “Why should I say thank you? It’s their job.”
This is one of the quickest ways to show you think you’re above common courtesy. Yes, someone might be doing what they’re paid to do, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t acknowledge their effort. A thank you costs nothing, and it’s often the difference between someone feeling invisible and someone feeling appreciated. People who skip it usually aren’t thinking about other people at all—they’re focused on what they’re owed.
6. “I’m just not into all that polite stuff.”
This phrase usually shows up as a badge of honour, like being straightforward means you’ve graduated from social niceties. However, being “not into manners” doesn’t make you edgy or efficient—it just makes interactions harder for everyone around you. Politeness isn’t about being fake. It’s about smoothing social situations and showing respect. Dismissing it as unnecessary is often just a cover for impatience or self-importance.
7. “They know what I meant.”
Maybe they do, but if what you said came off as rude, dismissive, or careless, the damage is still there. People who don’t think manners matter often fall back on this line to avoid having to clarify, explain, or—heaven forbid—apologise.
Clear communication and kind communication aren’t mutually exclusive. Smart, self-aware people take the time to make sure their words landed the way they intended. It’s not about walking on eggshells; it’s about not stepping on toes just because you weren’t paying attention.
8. “People are too sensitive these days.”
This is the classic brush-off used when someone’s been called out for being rude, offensive, or insensitive. Rather than reflect on how their words might have impacted someone, they blame the other person for reacting at all.
Polite people don’t need the world to be emotion-proof to function. They adjust. They consider tone. They listen when someone says, “Hey, that didn’t sit right.” Dismissing every emotional response as oversensitivity isn’t strength—it’s avoidance.
9. “It’s not that deep.”
This one often comes out when someone’s trying to downplay a moment that clearly hit someone else a little harder. Sure, not every interaction needs to become a therapy session, but telling someone their experience doesn’t matter isn’t exactly polite. People who value manners respect emotional nuance. They don’t need to analyse everything, but they’re not in a rush to invalidate something just because it didn’t affect them the same way.
10. “Well, I wouldn’t have done it that way.”
There’s a time and place for sharing preferences, but dropping this line in the middle of someone else’s moment usually just comes off as smug. It can take the shine off a success or pour cold water on a vulnerable share. Polite people know how to read the room. They understand that not every situation needs their opinion, and sometimes it’s better to offer encouragement than unsolicited analysis.
11. “That’s not my problem.”
This one’s a real red flag when it comes to empathy. Yes, there are boundaries to what you can handle—but stating outright that you don’t care to help, listen, or even acknowledge what someone’s dealing with? That’s cold. People with decent manners might not have all the answers, but they usually offer at least a basic level of support or sympathy. Manners aren’t just about politeness—they’re about showing you live in the same world as everyone else.
12. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Another favourite for people who don’t want to engage with how someone else is feeling. Just because something doesn’t register as important to you doesn’t mean it’s meaningless to the other person. Polite people understand that not everything needs to match their emotional scale to deserve care. They listen, respond with curiosity, and make space for experiences outside their own.
13. “I’m not here to make friends.”
This often shows up in professional environments as a way to justify cutthroat behaviour or coldness. However, even if you’re not looking for a new BFF at work, basic human decency is still part of the deal. People who use this line are usually signalling that kindness is a luxury they don’t intend to bother with. The irony is, you don’t have to be warm and fuzzy to be respectful—you just have to care how you affect people around you.
14. “They should’ve known better.”
There’s a lot of blame baked into this one. Instead of offering guidance, context, or even a little patience, it puts all the responsibility on the other person for not meeting an unspoken standard. Polite people offer grace. They give other people the benefit of the doubt, especially if it’s a first mistake. Writing people off for not knowing the “rules” of a situation only shows that you think rules matter more than relationships.
15. “Why should I have to say sorry?”
This line is basically an announcement that someone values pride over peace. Apologies don’t always mean you were wrong—they can also mean you care about the other person’s experience. People who resist saying sorry often think it makes them weak. However, polite people know better. A sincere apology, even when it’s not strictly “your fault,” can go a long way in keeping relationships intact. It’s not grovelling; it’s just being emotionally literate.
16. “That’s just how I talk.”
This line gets used a lot when someone’s been told their tone is harsh or their jokes land badly. Instead of reflecting on their delivery, they defend it as fixed and unchangeable, like personality is an excuse for rudeness. People with manners understand that how you say something matters just as much as what you say. They’re willing to tweak their tone or delivery if it helps people feel more comfortable. That’s not being fake—it’s being socially aware.
