Dealing with a narcissist is exhausting, especially when their behaviour crosses the line into something toxic and manipulative (which is often).
Malignant narcissists — someone who’s narcissistic as well as antisocial, sadistic, and potentially dangerous — not only crave admiration and attention, but also tend to leave a trail of emotional, mental, and even physical damage in their wake. If you’re wondering what to look out for, here are some of their more destructive behaviours that tend to give them away. If you notice these, get away from them as soon as possible.
1. They manipulate situations to their advantage.
Malignant narcissists are experts at manipulation. They twist facts, rewrite the narrative, and can make you second-guess your reality. Whether it’s changing details or flipping the situation to make themselves look like the victim, they’re constantly pulling the strings to ensure things go their way — no matter who gets hurt in the process.
2. They belittle people to feel superior.
To boost their fragile egos, they’ll put people down. They don’t just toss out one-off insults — it’s a steady stream of snide remarks designed to make you feel small and insignificant. This is their way of maintaining a sense of superiority over other people, as they can’t tolerate anyone getting ahead of them, even if it means cutting people down.
3. They lack empathy.
Empathy is basically absent in their world. If you’re going through something difficult, they won’t offer support — they’ll either ignore it or somehow make it about them. They simply don’t care unless it directly benefits them. Emotional struggles are seen as inconveniences, not opportunities to connect or show compassion.
4. They gaslight you.
Gaslighting is a go-to tactic for them. They’ll make you question your sanity by denying facts, changing the narrative, or accusing you of things you didn’t do. Their goal is to destabilise your sense of reality, making you feel like you’re losing control of what’s true and what’s not.
5. They love playing the victim.
No matter the situation, they will find a way to position themselves as the victim. If anything goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault, and they’re the poor, misunderstood soul. This shifts the focus away from their toxic behaviour and keeps them in the spotlight, gaining sympathy while avoiding responsibility.
6. They’re excessively charming… at first.
At the start, they can be incredibly charming — almost magnetic. This is part of the “love-bombing” stage. They shower you with attention, compliments, and affection to reel you in. But once they have you hooked, their true colours start to show, and your vulnerabilities become the things they use against you.
7. They never take responsibility.
When things go south, a malignant narcissist will never own up to their actions. They’ll find someone else to blame or point fingers at external factors. Accountability is something they simply won’t entertain. You’ll never get an apology or resolution from them because they’ll always deflect blame.
8. They thrive on control and dominance.
Control is everything. Whether it’s controlling your behaviour, emotions, or decisions, they will do whatever it takes to stay on top. They need to feel like they have the upper hand at all times. The need for dominance is rooted in their fragile self-esteem and fear of losing control.
9. They play mind games.
Mind games are a common strategy. They’ll keep you guessing, leaving you confused about where you stand or what’s real. Their manipulative behaviour keeps you off-balance, never knowing when you’ll be hit with an emotional blow or when they’ll suddenly shower you with affection again.
10. They ignore and trample all over your boundaries.
Boundaries are meaningless to them. If you set limits, they’ll push, test, and violate them because to them, boundaries are an obstacle to their control. They see every boundary you set as a challenge to break down, pushing you further into their grip.
11. They feel entitled to special treatment.
Source: Unsplash Entitlement runs deep. They believe they deserve special treatment in every area of life — whether it’s at work, in friendships, or within romantic relationships. Their needs always come first, and they expect other people to bend over backward to meet them, while giving very little in return.
12. They isolate you from people who care about you.
One of their favourite tactics is isolating you from friends, family, or anyone who might challenge their control. They’ll sow doubt about the intentions of your loved ones, subtly turning you against them, making you dependent on them for support, and ensuring that they’re the only ones you rely on.
13. They have a constant need for admiration.
Source: Unsplash Flattery and praise are like oxygen to them. A malignant narcissist thrives on admiration and constant validation. If they’re not getting the attention they crave, they’ll manipulate situations to put themselves in the spotlight, ensuring that they’re always the centre of attention.
14. They’re unpredictable and volatile.
Source: Unsplash Their moods are like a rollercoaster. One minute they might be charming, and the next, they’re dismissive or angry. Their unpredictability keeps you on edge, unsure of when you’ll get their approval or when you’ll be the target of their wrath. It’s an exhausting emotional ride.
15. They discard people once they’re no longer useful.
Once they’ve drained everything they can from a relationship, they’ll discard you without a second thought. If you no longer serve their needs or provide the constant validation they crave, they’ll move on to someone else. The emotional toll of being discarded can be devastating, leaving you feeling betrayed and used.
