Everyone has their walls, but sometimes those defences can become a bit too high and strong to the point that they keep everyone out — even the good ones.
If you’ve ever wondered why your relationships feel a tad shallow or why people describe you as ‘hard to read’, you might be keeping people at arm’s length without realising it. Here are some honest signs that you might be a bit too guarded for your own good.
1. You struggle to accept compliments gracefully.
When someone praises your work or appearance, do you immediately deflect or downplay it? Maybe you brush off a kind word with a self-deprecating joke or quickly change the subject. Your knee-jerk reaction to positive attention isn’t just modesty — it’s a way of keeping people from getting too close. By rejecting compliments, you’re subtly pushing away the person trying to connect with you, maintaining that safe emotional distance.
2. You rarely initiate plans with friends.
Think about the last time you reached out to a mate to grab a pint or catch up over coffee. If you can’t remember, it might be a sign you’re keeping people at bay. Always waiting for other people to make the first move is a classic self-protective behaviour. It’s safer to respond to invitations than to risk rejection by extending them yourself. But this passive approach to friendships can leave you feeling isolated and prevent deeper connections from forming.
3. You have a hard time asking for help.
When you’re in a pickle, is your first instinct to soldier on alone rather than reach out for support? Your ‘I’ve got it handled’ attitude might seem like independence, but it’s often a sign of being too guarded. Asking for help requires vulnerability — it means admitting you can’t do everything solo. If the thought of leaning on other people makes you squirm, you might be keeping your walls up a bit too high.
4. You use humour to deflect serious conversations.
Are you always cracking jokes when conversations turn deep or emotional? While a bit of levity can ease tension, consistently using humour as a shield prevents genuine connection. If you’re always the one lightening the mood, you might be avoiding the vulnerability that comes with serious chats. It’s a clever way to keep conversations superficial and maintain your emotional barriers.
5. You’re always the listener, rarely the sharer.
In your friendships, are you always the one lending an ear, but rarely opening up about your own life? Being a good listener is great, but if it’s one-sided, it might be a sign you’re keeping people at a distance. By focusing on other people’s problems and experiences, you avoid exposing your own vulnerabilities. It’s a subtle way of maintaining control and keeping your inner world private.
6. You have a hard time expressing your needs.
When something’s bothering you, do you bottle it up rather than voice your concerns? Maybe you silently seethe when a friend cancels plans instead of telling them you’re disappointed. You’re reluctant to express your needs because you don’t want to seem needy or vulnerable. But by keeping your feelings under wraps, you’re preventing people from truly understanding and connecting with you.
7. You’re quick to find faults in potential partners.
Do you have a knack for spotting the flaws in every person you date? Perhaps you’ve ended budding relationships over seemingly minor issues. Your hyper-critical approach might not be about high standards — it could be a defence mechanism. By focusing on other people’s imperfections, you protect yourself from getting too close and potentially hurt. It’s a sneaky way your guarded nature might be sabotaging your love life.
8. You keep your living space off-limits.
When was the last time you invited someone over to your flat? If you always suggest meeting at the pub or café instead of your place, it might be a sign you’re too guarded. Your home is a personal space, and keeping it private is a way of maintaining emotional distance. By not letting people into your physical space, you’re symbolically keeping them out of your inner world, too.
9. You avoid physical affection with friends.
Do you feel uncomfortable with hugs or other forms of platonic touch? Maybe you give awkward side-hugs or prefer a wave to a warm embrace. Your aversion to physical affection isn’t just about personal space — it’s often a sign of emotional guardedness. Physical touch, even among friends, requires a level of vulnerability that you might be subconsciously avoiding.
10. You keep your social media profiles vague or private.
Given how much oversharing everyone seems to do these days, are you mysteriously absent online? Perhaps your social media profiles are bare-bones or set to private. While it’s wise to be cautious online, being excessively private might be another way you’re keeping people at arm’s length. By not sharing glimpses of your life, you’re limiting opportunities for people to connect with you on a more personal level.
11. You’re uncomfortable with silence in conversations.
When there’s a lull in conversation, do you feel compelled to fill it immediately? Your discomfort with silence often stems from a fear of intimacy. Quiet moments allow for reflection and deeper connection, which can feel threatening if you’re guarded. By constantly keeping conversations moving, you’re avoiding those potentially vulnerable moments of shared silence.
12. You rarely talk about your family or childhood.
Do you tend to keep mum about your upbringing or family dynamics? While not everyone has a picture-perfect past, consistently avoiding these topics might signal you’re too guarded. Our early experiences shape us, and sharing them allows for deeper understanding. By keeping this part of yourself under wraps, you’re limiting how well other people can truly know you.
13. You’re always busy.
Is your calendar perpetually full? Being constantly on the go might seem productive, but it can also be a way of avoiding deeper connections. When you’re always busy, you have a ready-made excuse to keep interactions brief and superficial. Your packed schedule acts as a buffer, preventing people from getting too close and maintaining your emotional distance.
14. You struggle to say ‘I love you’ first.
In romantic relationships, are you always waiting for the other person to drop the L-bomb first? Your reluctance to express deep feelings isn’t just about timing — it’s often a sign of being guarded. Saying ‘I love you’ first requires vulnerability and risk. If you’re always holding back, even when you’re sure of your feelings, you might be protecting yourself from potential hurt.
15. You have a hard time accepting kindness from people.
When someone does something nice for you, do you feel uncomfortable or immediately try to reciprocate? Maybe you find it so hard to accept kindness because you’re so guarded. Letting people do things for you requires trust and vulnerability. If you’re always trying to ‘even the score’ or brush off kind gestures, you might be keeping your emotional walls up, preventing deeper connections from forming.
