Healing from emotional wounds and past traumas takes time and effort — it doesn’t happen overnight.
It involves facing your pain, processing your emotions, and developing healthy coping mechanisms. But sometimes, we can mistake distancing ourselves from our problems for actual healing. Here are some signs you’re not really working through the bad things you’ve experienced, you’re avoiding them.
1. You avoid talking about your feelings or experiences.
You might change the subject whenever someone brings up a sensitive topic, or you might bottle up your emotions and pretend everything is fine. True healing involves acknowledging and processing your feelings, not suppressing them.
2. You numb yourself with distractions.
Source: Unsplash You might turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like excessive drinking, drug use, or compulsive behaviours to avoid facing your pain. While these distractions might offer temporary relief, they don’t address the underlying issues and can even make them worse in the long run.
3. You isolate yourself from other people.
You might withdraw from social interactions and avoid close relationships to protect yourself from further hurt or rejection. But connection and support are essential for healing, and isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression.
4. You intellectualise your emotions.
You might aanalyseand dissect your feelings without actually experiencing them. This can create a sense of detachment and prevent you from fully processing your emotions.
5. You focus on fixing the external rather than the internal.
You might try to control your environment or the people around you to avoid triggering your pain. While creating a safe and supportive environment is important, true healing involves addressing the internal wounds and developing resilience.
6. You minimise your pain or trauma.
Source: Unsplash You might downplay the impact of your experiences or tell yourself that other people have it worse. But invalidating your own feelings can hinder your healing process and prevent you from getting the support you need.
7. You blame other people for your problems.
While it’s important to acknowledge any external factors that contributed to your pain, focusing solely on blame can prevent you from taking responsibility for your own healing and growth.
8. You resist vulnerability.
You might put up walls and avoid letting people in because you’re scared that they’ll hurt or reject you. But true healing requires vulnerability and allowing yourself to be seen and supported by other people.
9. You stay stuck in the past.
You might ruminate on past events or replay painful memories over and over again. While it’s important to acknowledge your past, dwelling on it can prevent you from moving forward and creating a better future.
10. You fear change.
Healing often involves change and growth, which can be scary and uncomfortable. If you resist change and cling to familiar patterns, even if they’re unhealthy, it can hinder your healing journey.
11. You avoid getting professional help.
Source: Unsplash You might believe you can handle your problems on your own or feel ashamed to get help, but therapists and counsellors are trained to support people through the healing process and can offer valuable guidance and tools.
12. You have difficulty setting boundaries.
Source: Unsplash You might struggle to say no or prioritise your own needs, leading to resentment and further emotional distress. Learning to set healthy boundaries is crucial for protecting your well-being and fostering healthy relationships.
13. You lack self-compassion.
Source: Unsplash You might be harsh and critical towards yourself, judging your every move and dwelling on your perceived flaws. Cultivating self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, recognising that you’re doing the best you can.
14. You feel like you’re not making progress.
Source: Unsplash Healing is not a linear process, and there will be setbacks and challenges along the way. If you feel stuck or discouraged, it’s important to remind yourself that progress is possible and to get some support from loved ones or professionals.
