Dealing with a narcissist is like being at war — you never know when you’re going to stumble onto a landmine and have everything explode.
Their self-centredness, lack of empathy, and manipulative tactics can leave you feeling drained and confused, but the more you know about their behaviour, the easier it becomes to avoid provoking the worst of it. Here are some mistakes you should avoid making around a narcissist at all costs.
1. Don’t expect them to change.
Source: Unsplash One of the biggest mistakes you can make with a narcissist is expecting them to change. Narcissistic personality disorder is deeply ingrained, and while therapy can help, it’s a long and arduous process that many narcissists resist. Hoping they’ll suddenly become empathetic and considerate is a recipe for disappointment. Accept them for who they are, but protect yourself by setting clear boundaries and not expecting them to change.
2. Don’t try to reason with them.
Narcissists are notorious for their lack of logic and empathy. Trying to reason with them or appeal to their better nature is often futile. They’ll twist your words, deflect blame, and manipulate the situation to their advantage. Instead of trying to change their minds, focus on protecting your own interests and maintaining your sanity.
3. Don’t take their criticism personally.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation and often resort to insults, put-downs, and gaslighting to maintain control. It’s crucial to remember that their words are not a reflection of your worth, but rather a projection of their own insecurities. Don’t internalise their negativity, and don’t try to prove yourself to them. Focus on your own self-worth and surround yourself with supportive people who value you.
4. Don’t try to compete with them.
Narcissists crave attention and admiration, and they’ll often go to great lengths to one-up people. Trying to compete with them is a losing battle, as they’ll always find a way to make themselves look superior. Instead of trying to outshine them, focus on your own strengths and accomplishments, and celebrate your own unique qualities.
5. Don’t get sucked into their drama.
Narcissists thrive on drama and chaos. They’ll create conflict and play the victim to manipulate people and gain attention. It’s essential to resist the urge to get sucked into their drama. Don’t engage in arguments, don’t take sides, and don’t try to fix their problems. Maintain a healthy distance and focus on your own well-being.
6. Don’t share personal information with them.
Narcissists are skilled at gathering information and using it against you. They’ll appear interested in your life, but they’ll often use your vulnerabilities as ammunition to control and manipulate you. Be cautious about what you share with them, and keep your personal information private.
7. Don’t expect apologies.
Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions or offer genuine apologies. Expecting them to apologise or acknowledge their wrongdoing is a futile endeavour. Instead of clinging to all that anger and resentment, focus on moving forward and protecting yourself from further harm.
8. Don’t blame yourself.
It’s common for people who have been in relationships with narcissists to blame themselves for the problems. Remember, you are not responsible for their behaviour or their choices. Don’t fall into the trap of self-blame. Focus on healing and building a healthier, happier life for yourself.
9. Don’t try to fix them.
It’s natural to want to help those you care about, but trying to “fix” a narcissist is a fruitless endeavour. It’s not your responsibility to change them or to heal their wounds. Focus on your own well-being and set healthy boundaries. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, consider getting professional help for yourself to navigate the complexities of the situation.
10. Don’t believe their promises.
Narcissists are notorious for making grand promises they never intend to keep. They’ll say anything to get what they want, but their words rarely match their actions. Don’t get your hopes up based on their promises. Focus on their actions and judge them based on their behaviour, not their words.
11. Don’t ignore red flags.
Narcissists often exhibit red flags early on in a relationship. These might include a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, a need for constant admiration, or a tendency to manipulate and control people. Don’t ignore these warning signs. Trust your gut instincts and be willing to walk away from a relationship that feels toxic or unhealthy.
12. Don’t stay in the relationship out of fear.
Narcissists can be intimidating and controlling, and they often use fear tactics to keep their partners or friends in line. If you’re staying in a relationship with a narcissist out of fear of their reaction or the consequences of leaving, it’s important to get support from friends, family, or professionals. You don’t have to go through this alone.
13. Don’t sacrifice your own needs for theirs.
In a relationship with a narcissist, your own needs and desires often take a back seat to theirs. They’ll expect you to cater to their whims and fancies, while neglecting your own well-being. It’s essential to prioritise your own needs and set healthy boundaries. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for someone who consistently puts themselves first.
14. Don’t isolate yourself from your support system.
Narcissists often isolate their partners or friends from their support system. They’ll discourage you from spending time with friends and family, or criticise them to create distance. It’s important to maintain healthy relationships with your loved ones and ask for their help and support. Don’t let a narcissist isolate you from the people who care about you.
15. Don’t forget your own worth.
Dealing with a narcissist can destroy your self-esteem and make you question your own worth. Remember, you are valuable and deserving of love and respect. Don’t let a narcissist’s behaviour define you or your worth. Focus on your strengths, surround yourself with positive influences, and rediscover your own value and self-worth.
