No one has kids with the intention of being terrible at raising them.
However, there’s no use denying that bad parents exist, and the damage they can do to their children can’t be understated. (If you were raised by one, you know this all too well). Here are some of the traits these mums and dads have in common — and spoiler alert: they’re not positive ones.
1. Playing favourites with their kids
It’s pretty obvious when a parent has their golden child picked out — that kid gets away with anything, while the others can’t catch a break. You’ll see it in how differently they celebrate birthdays or handle Christmas gifts for each kid. Even simple stuff like who gets to pick dinner or control the TV remote always goes to the favourite. The other kids grow up feeling like they’re just not good enough, no matter what they do. Years later, you’ll still hear grown siblings talk about how differently they were treated.
2. Using kids as their personal therapists
Some parents dump all their adult problems on their kids without thinking twice. They’ll vent about their marriage troubles, money problems, and family drama to their children over dinner. These kids end up carrying emotional baggage that isn’t theirs to deal with at all. Their childhood gets taken up by worrying about adult issues instead of just being kids. You can spot these kids easily — they’re the ones acting like mini adults at age ten.
3. Blaming kids for their problems
These parents act like having kids ruined their life plans. They’ll make comments about how expensive school is or how they could’ve had a better job without kids. Every time something goes wrong, it somehow circles back to being the kids’ fault. They don’t realise their kids pick up on these comments and internalise them. The guilt of just existing starts to weigh on these kids before they even understand what’s happening.
4. Using guilt like a weapon
“After all I’ve done for you” becomes these kids’ least favourite phrase. Every mistake gets dragged up again and again, especially during arguments about entirely different things. Kids learn quickly that their parents keep a mental record of all their mess-ups. They start walking on eggshells, afraid to make any decisions. The fear of adding another item to that list of disappointments follows them everywhere.
5. Never following through on promises
These parents are full of big promises they never keep. They’ll swear they’ll show up to the school play or take the kids to the park on Saturday. The kids learn to expect the letdown, but still hope maybe this time will be different. They get really good at making excuses for their parents to friends who ask why mum or dad didn’t show up again. The constant disappointment teaches them not to get excited about anything too soon.
6. Refusing to say sorry to their kids
No matter how badly they mess up, these parents won’t apologise to their children. They’ll yell over something small, then act like nothing happened the next morning. When their kids try to bring up how they got hurt, they’re told to stop being so sensitive. They genuinely believe saying sorry to their kids will undermine their authority.
7. Making kids earn basic love
These parents hold back affection until their kids “deserve” it. Good grades might earn a hug, while a bad report card means the cold shoulder. They use phrases like “I’ll love you when you…” or “I’ll be proud of you if…” Kids grow up feeling like they have to perform to be worthy of love. Even simple things like asking for help become scary because it might cost them their parent’s approval.
8. Living through their kids
These parents try to force their own failed dreams onto their children. If they wanted to be a dancer, their kid has to take dance classes. They push their kids into activities they hate and get angry when they don’t excel. Every hobby becomes about winning rather than enjoying it. The pressure to fulfil their parents’ dreams leaves these kids wondering what they actually like themselves.
9. Turning kids against the other parent
After splits or divorces, these parents start poisoning their kids against their ex. They’ll make snide comments about the other parent or pump their kids for information after visits. Kids feel stuck in the middle, scared to show they had fun at dad’s house or got a present from mum. They start hiding parts of their life to keep the peace.
10. Shutting down feelings
Crying gets met with, “I’ll give you something to cry about.” Being angry earns punishment instead of understanding. Showing fear gets dismissed as being dramatic. Kids learn early that having feelings isn’t allowed in their house. They start bottling everything up because expressing emotions isn’t safe.
11. Taking the easy way out
These parents go for whatever’s easiest, not what’s best. They’ll stick their kids in front of screens for hours instead of engaging with them. Dinner might be whatever’s fastest, not what’s healthy. When kids need help with homework, they’re told to figure it out themselves. The pattern of doing the minimum shows up in everything from doctor visits to school involvement.
12. Putting on a show for other people (especially other parents)
Source: Pexels Their Facebook feed looks perfect, while their home life is chaos. They act like parent of the year at school events but transform as soon as they’re home. Their kids get confused about which version of their parent is real. They learn early to keep family secrets and pretend everything’s fine.
13. Running from every problem
These parents avoid dealing with any family issues head-on. Instead of addressing problems, they pretend everything’s fine. Their kids learn that sweeping things under the rug is normal. When real issues arise, nobody knows how to handle them because they’ve never learned healthy ways to deal with conflict. The silence around problems creates a home full of unspoken tension.
