We all have baggage, but some of us are sprinting through life with a whole luggage set.
If you recognise these behaviours in yourself, it might be time to unpack that emotional suitcase. Remember, facing your past is the first step towards a lighter future.
1. You avoid certain places or people.
If you’re taking the long way home to avoid passing your ex’s street, you might be running. This avoidance can extend to entire cities or social groups, limiting your world and opportunities. Over time, these detours can become so ingrained that you forget why you started taking them in the first place.
2. You change the subject when certain topics come up.
Conversation landmines are everywhere, and you’re an expert at dodging them. This constant vigilance can be exhausting, making even casual chats feel like a minefield. You might find yourself steering conversations in bizarre directions just to avoid touching on sensitive subjects.
3. You’re always busy.
Your calendar is packed, but it’s more about distraction than productivity. This constant motion keeps you from sitting still long enough for those pesky thoughts to catch up. However, this perpetual busyness can lead to burnout and prevent you from forming deep connections.
4. You have a hard time committing to anything long-term.
Source: Unsplash Jobs, relationships, even gym memberships — commitment feels like a trap. This fear of being tied down often stems from past disappointments or betrayals. As a result, you might miss out on meaningful experiences and relationships that require time and dedication to develop.
5. You’re overly defensive.
Source: Unsplash Even mild criticism feels like a personal attack, sending you into defence mode. This hypersensitivity can stem from unresolved past hurts or insecurities. Your quick-to-defend attitude might push away well-meaning friends and prevent you from receiving constructive feedback that could help you grow.
6. You have a “reinvention” habit.
Source: Unsplash New city, new look, new you — it’s a pattern. While growth is good, constant reinvention can be a way of running from your core issues. Each “new you” might feel exciting at first, but without addressing underlying problems, you may find yourself facing the same old issues in new packaging.
7. You struggle with intimacy.
Source: Unsplash Getting close to someone feels scary, so you keep people at arm’s length. This fear of vulnerability can stem from past betrayals or hurts. While it might feel safer to maintain emotional distance, it can also lead to loneliness and prevent you from experiencing the deep connections that make life rich and meaningful.
8. You’re a perfectionist.
Source: Unsplash If everything’s perfect, there’s no room for past mistakes to haunt you, right? This perfectionism can be paralysing, preventing you from taking risks or trying new things. The pursuit of perfection can also lead to chronic stress and anxiety, as you’re constantly holding yourself to impossible standards.
9. You have trouble trusting people.
Source: Unsplash Past betrayals have made you wary, and now trust is a rare commodity in your world. This mistrust can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, pushing away potential friends and partners. Over time, this lack of trust can lead to isolation and reinforce negative beliefs about relationships and people in general.
10. You’re always planning for the future.
Source: Unsplash Living in the moment? No, thanks, you’re too busy planning your next move. While forward-thinking can be positive, constant future focus can be a way of avoiding the present and the past. This behaviour can prevent you from fully experiencing and appreciating your current life, always chasing the next thing instead of finding contentment in the now.
11. You have unexplained anger issues.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, your reactions seem out of proportion to the situation. This misplaced anger often has roots in past, unresolved issues. These outbursts can damage relationships and your reputation, creating new problems while you’re trying to avoid old ones.
12. You’re an emotional chameleon.
Source: Unsplash You adapt your personality to fit whatever crowd you’re with, losing sight of your true self. This chameleon-like behaviour can be a defence mechanism developed in response to past rejections or trauma. While it might help you fit in temporarily, it can lead to a fragmented sense of self and difficulty in forming authentic relationships.
13. You self-sabotage.
Source: Unsplash Just when things are going well, you find a way to mess it up. This behaviour often stems from a deep-seated belief that you don’t deserve good things, rooted in past experiences. Self-sabotage can become a vicious cycle, reinforcing negative beliefs and preventing you from achieving lasting success or happiness.
14. You’re addicted to “fresh starts”.
Source: Unsplash New year, new job, new relationship — you love a clean slate. While fresh starts can be positive, constantly seeking them can be a way of avoiding dealing with ongoing issues. This pattern can lead to a series of shallow experiences and relationships, never allowing you to build anything lasting or meaningful.
15. You have a hard time accepting compliments.
Source: Unsplash Praise makes you uncomfortable, and you’re quick to deflect or minimise your achievements. This difficulty in accepting positive feedback often stems from low self-esteem rooted in past experiences. By constantly brushing off compliments, you might be reinforcing negative self-perceptions and missing opportunities to build self-confidence.
16. You’re an over-explainer.
Source: Unsplash You provide lengthy justifications for your choices, even when no one’s asking. This habit often comes from a place of insecurity and a need to defend against imagined criticism. Over-explaining can make people uncomfortable and prevent you from trusting your own judgment and decisions.
17. You have a love-hate relationship with nostalgia.
Source: Unsplash You oscillate between romanticising the past and completely rejecting it. This conflicted relationship with your history can make it difficult to process and integrate past experiences in a healthy way. The result can be an emotional rollercoaster, swinging between longing for the past and trying to erase it completely, neither of which allows for true healing or growth.
