Tying the knot isn’t all sunshine and roses. We’ve all heard the starry-eyed tales of eternal bliss, but reality often paints a far different picture.
Many couples go into marriage with unrealistic expectations, ultimately setting themselves up for disappointment. If you want your marriage to go the distance, it’s time to ditch these common myths and face the truth about what makes a relationship work.
1. Your partner should be able to read your mind.
Source: Unsplash It’s a nice thought, but your spouse isn’t psychic. Expecting them to know what you’re thinking or feeling without you expressing it is a recipe for frustration. Clear communication is key. If something’s bothering you, speak up. Don’t expect your partner to magically understand your needs or wants — they’re not mind readers, no matter how long you’ve been together.
2. Marriage will fix all your relationship problems.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but walking down the aisle doesn’t magically solve issues. If anything, marriage can amplify existing problems. That annoying habit your partner has? It’s not going to disappear because you’ve got rings on your fingers. Deal with relationship issues head-on before you tie the knot, or be prepared to face them with a vengeance later.
3. You should never go to bed angry.
This old advice might sound wise, but it’s not always practical. Sometimes, you need a good night’s sleep to cool off and gain perspective. Trying to resolve every argument before bedtime can lead to exhaustion and even more tension. It’s okay to hit pause on a disagreement and revisit it when you’re both calmer and more clear-headed.
4. Happy couples don’t argue.
If you think a lack of arguments means your marriage is perfect, think again. Healthy relationships involve disagreements. It’s how you handle these conflicts that matters. Couples who never argue might be avoiding important issues or suppressing their true feelings. The key is learning to argue constructively, with respect and a willingness to compromise.
5. Your spouse should be your everything.
Putting all your emotional eggs in one basket is a dangerous game. Your partner can’t fulfil every role in your life — best friend, lover, therapist, and entertainment director. It’s healthy to maintain other relationships and interests outside your marriage. Relying solely on your spouse for all your needs puts immense pressure on the relationship and can lead to resentment.
6. Love is all you need to make a marriage work.
The Beatles got it wrong on this one. Love is important, but it’s not enough on its own. A successful marriage requires effort, compromise, and practical skills like financial management and effective communication. Don’t assume that because you love each other, everything will fall into place. It takes work to keep a marriage strong, even when the love is there.
7. Marriage means you’ll never be lonely again.
Surprise — you can feel lonely even when you’re married. Your partner can’t be with you 24/7, and they can’t always meet all your social and emotional needs. It’s normal to feel lonely sometimes, even in a happy marriage. Maintaining friendships and having your own interests can help combat these feelings.
8. Your sex life will naturally stay exciting.
The honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. As time goes on, you might find your sex life becoming routine or less frequent. This doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed, but it does mean you need to put effort into maintaining intimacy. Don’t expect passion to stay at peak levels without any work — it takes creativity and communication to keep things exciting in the bedroom.
9. You should agree on everything.
Constant agreement isn’t a sign of a perfect marriage — it might actually indicate that one person is constantly giving in. It’s healthy to have different opinions and interests. The key is respecting each other’s differences and finding ways to compromise. A good marriage allows both partners to be individuals while still functioning as a team.
10. Having children will bring you closer together.
While children can bring joy, they also bring stress, sleepless nights, and less couple time. Many marriages actually struggle after kids enter the picture. The key is to prioritise your relationship, even when parenting takes up a lot of your energy. Don’t expect kids to strengthen a shaky foundation — make sure your bond is solid before adding to your family.
11. Your partner will never change.
People grow and evolve over time — it’s natural and healthy. Expecting your spouse to remain exactly the same person you married is unrealistic. The challenge is to grow together rather than apart. Be open to changes in your partner and in yourself, and be willing to adapt your relationship accordingly.
12. Financial problems are the biggest threat to marriage.
While money issues can cause stress, they’re often a symptom of deeper problems like lack of trust or poor communication. Don’t assume that having enough money will solve all your marital woes. Focus on building a strong foundation of trust and open dialogue about finances and other important aspects of your life together.
13. Marriage means giving up your independence.
A healthy marriage should enhance your life, not restrict it. You don’t have to lose your identity or give up your personal goals when you get married. Maintaining some level of independence — whether it’s through separate hobbies, friends, or occasional solo trips — can actually strengthen your relationship by bringing fresh experiences and perspectives into it.
14. Your in-laws will always be a source of conflict.
While in-law relationships can be tricky, they don’t have to be a constant battleground. With clear boundaries and mutual respect, you can build positive relationships with your spouse’s family. Don’t assume that in-law drama is inevitable — much depends on how you and your partner handle these relationships together.
15. Romance should be spontaneous, not planned.
In long-term relationships, romance often needs a bit of planning. Waiting for spontaneous romantic moments might leave you waiting a long time, especially when life gets busy. There’s nothing wrong with scheduling date nights or planning special gestures. The thought and effort you put into these plans can be just as romantic as spontaneous acts.
16. You should never have to “work” at your marriage.
The idea that a good marriage should be effortless is a dangerous myth. All relationships require effort to stay healthy and strong. This doesn’t mean it should feel like a constant struggle, but it does mean you need to actively invest time and energy into your partnership. Regular check-ins, date nights, and working through issues together are all part of a healthy marriage.
17. Your partner should make you happy all the time.
Expecting constant happiness from your marriage puts an unrealistic burden on your relationship. It’s normal to have ups and downs. Your partner can contribute to your happiness, but they shouldn’t be solely responsible for it. Personal happiness comes from within, and relying entirely on your spouse for emotional fulfilment is a recipe for disappointment.
18. Married couples should share all the same interests.
While having common interests is great, it’s not necessary to share every hobby or passion. In fact, having some separate interests can be healthy. It gives you both space to grow as individuals and brings new experiences into your relationship. The key is finding a balance between shared activities and personal pursuits.
19. Good marriages don’t need outside support.
There’s no shame in asking for advice or support for your marriage. Whether it’s from close friends, family members, or professional counsellors, outside perspectives can be invaluable. Don’t see it as a sign of weakness if you need help navigating challenges in your relationship. Strong couples recognise when they need support and aren’t afraid to ask for it.
20. Once trust is broken, it can never be fully restored.
While betrayals of trust are serious, they don’t have to be the end of your marriage. With hard work, honesty, and often professional help, many couples are able to rebuild trust and even strengthen their relationship after a breach. It’s a challenging process, but writing off a marriage at the first sign of broken trust ignores the potential for growth and forgiveness.
