Relationships with narcissists tend to be disastrous, and not just because of their gaslighting, manipulating, and selfishness.
Those things are bad enough, but add in their self-obsession and constant need for validation, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for unfaithfulness. Many narcissists cheat on their partners because they crave incessant approval and attention from everyone — the person they’re with just isn’t enough most of the time. But is it possible for a narcissist to remain loyal and not betray you? While there’s no definitive answer to this question because every person and situation is different, there are certain things you need to consider if you’re going to date one of them (or you already are).
1. Narcissists’ craving for constant validation makes them desperate at times.
One of the main traits of a narcissist is their need for constant attention and validation. They thrive on being admired and desired, which can make them more likely to look for attention outside of a committed relationship. Even if they are in a relationship, they may still look for ways to feed their ego through flirtation or other interactions. That doesn’t always mean they’ll be unfaithful physically, but their need for external validation can lead to behaviours that undermine trust.
2. They may struggle with genuine emotional connection.
Narcissists aren’t great at forming deep, meaningful emotional connections. Their focus tends to be on their own needs and desires, which can create a disconnect in their relationships. Without a strong emotional bond, they might not feel the same level of loyalty or commitment that others expect in a relationship. The lack of connection can sometimes pave the way for infidelity.
3. Fidelity might be tied to their image, not their values.
For some narcissists, being faithful isn’t about respect or love; it’s about maintaining a certain image. They care deeply about how other people see them, and staying faithful might align with the persona they want to project. However, that means their fidelity is often superficial. If they believe they can get away with cheating without tarnishing their reputation, they might still cross that line.
4. They often compartmentalise their actions.
Narcissists are skilled at compartmentalising, which means they can separate their actions from their feelings or responsibilities. They may justify infidelity by convincing themselves it’s unrelated to their relationship. Their ability to compartmentalise allows them to avoid guilt or accountability, making it easier for them to rationalise unfaithful behaviour while maintaining a façade of commitment.
5. Power dynamics play a role.
Narcissists often want control and power in relationships. Being unfaithful can sometimes be a way for them to assert dominance or feel superior, especially if they sense their partner is deeply invested in the relationship. Cheating, in this context, isn’t about looking for love or connection, but about reinforcing their sense of power and control. It can definitely make trust in the relationship tough to establish or maintain.
6. They may see relationships as transactional.
Narcissists often view relationships through a lens of personal gain rather than mutual respect or love. They may approach partnerships as transactions, evaluating what they’re receiving versus what they’re giving. If they feel their needs aren’t being met, they might justify stepping outside the relationship to satisfy those needs, even if it betrays their partner’s trust.
7. Their loyalty can depend on how much they benefit.
Narcissists are more likely to remain faithful if they perceive the relationship as beneficial to their goals, whether that’s financial stability, social status, or something else. Their loyalty is often tied to self-interest rather than genuine commitment. If they see the relationship as advantageous, they might be less likely to jeopardise it. However, if they no longer see value in the partnership, their fidelity can falter quickly.
8. They can be master manipulators.
Narcissists are often skilled at manipulation and deceit, which allows them to hide unfaithful behaviour. They may lie convincingly or deflect blame if suspicions arise, making it hard to catch them out. Their ability to manipulate situations means that even if they are unfaithful, they might maintain the illusion of loyalty, leaving their partner questioning their own instincts.
9. They want regular excitement and novelty.
Narcissists thrive on excitement and often get bored easily. Their need for novelty can lead them to pursue new relationships or experiences outside of their current partnership, especially if they feel their needs aren’t being fully met. Unfortunately, the quest for constant stimulation can result in impulsive behaviours, including infidelity, making it nearly impossible for them to maintain long-term commitment.
10. They may use infidelity as a weapon.
Some narcissists use unfaithfulness as a tool to punish or hurt their partner. If they feel slighted, unappreciated, or challenged, they might try to get revenge by stepping outside the relationship. Their behaviour isn’t driven by love or attraction, but by a desire to regain control or cause emotional harm, which further destroys trust and connection.
11. They might play the victim card.
When caught being unfaithful, narcissists often deflect blame and paint themselves as the victim. They might claim their partner pushed them away, wasn’t attentive enough, or made them feel unappreciated. That manipulation shifts the focus away from their actions and onto their partner’s so-called shortcomings, making it harder to hold them accountable for their behaviour.
12. Some narcissists can remain faithful, but at a cost.
It’s not impossible for a narcissist to be faithful, but it often requires strict boundaries, constant reassurance, and significant effort from their partner. That dynamic can be exhausting and one-sided, leaving their partner feeling drained. Even if they remain loyal, their behaviour may still lack genuine emotional connection or mutual respect, which can create a different kind of strain on the relationship.
13. Self-awareness can make a difference.
Narcissists who are self-aware and willing to work on their behaviour may have a better chance of staying faithful. Therapy or personal growth efforts can help them understand their tendencies and build healthier relationship habits. However, true change requires a commitment to self-reflection and growth, which not all narcissists are willing to embrace. Without that effort, their patterns are likely to continue.
14. Partners often feel they’re walking on eggshells.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel emotionally taxing, as their unpredictable behaviour creates an environment of insecurity. Their partner might feel constantly on edge, trying to meet impossible expectations to maintain loyalty. That dynamic makes it hard for the partner to feel truly safe, even if the narcissist hasn’t been unfaithful. The emotional strain can sometimes be just as damaging as infidelity itself.
15. Trust is challenging, but not impossible.
Trusting a narcissist can be incredibly difficult, but it’s not entirely out of reach if they’re willing to work on themselves. Clear communication, boundaries, and accountability are essential for rebuilding trust, though it requires effort on both sides. Ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave the relationship depends on what feels right for you. If a narcissist demonstrates a genuine commitment to change, there may be hope, but it’s important to prioritise your emotional well-being above all else.
