Being married for more than 10 years is a huge milestone, but getting there is often a rocky journey.
Over time, a lot of couples come up against issues that can test their connection, from communication struggles to changing priorities (and that’s just for starters). While these problems don’t have to spell trouble, recognising them is the first step toward resolving them. These are some of the common relationship problems long-term couples often encounter and what’s behind them.
1. You take each other for granted, albeit unintentionally.
It’s easy to fall into a routine where you assume the other person knows you appreciate them without saying it. Over time, small gestures of appreciation can slip away, and before you know it, one or both of you might feel taken for granted. It’s not intentional, but it can lead to hurt feelings if it’s not addressed. Start with small, consistent acts of gratitude. Leave sweet notes for each other, say “thank you” for the little things, or simply compliment one another more often. You could also set a regular reminder to do something thoughtful for your partner, whether that’s making them a cuppa or planning a surprise date night. Showing appreciation keeps the relationship feeling valued and refreshed.
2. Communication becomes transactional rather than pleasurable.
After years together, conversations can often become more about logistics — who’s picking up the kids, what’s for dinner, or when the bills are due. These check-ins are important, but they can start to feel like you’re just managing a household together rather than connecting emotionally. Make time for deeper, more meaningful conversations. Set aside at least 15 minutes each day or week to talk about things that matter emotionally — your dreams, how you’re feeling, or just to check in on each other’s mental health. It might feel awkward at first, but it’ll help maintain intimacy. You could even schedule “no phone” dinner dates to make sure you have quality time without distractions.
3. Differing priorities evolve.
As time passes, you and your partner might grow in different directions. What you both wanted early in the marriage might have shifted, and that can lead to tension if one partner feels left behind or unsupported. That’s why it’s so important to regularly discuss your goals and priorities with each other. Life changes, and so do your personal ambitions, so checking in and adjusting together is key. Even if your goals are different, supporting each other through them shows that you’re still on the same team. It could be as simple as having a “dream night” where you talk about your individual aspirations and figure out how you can help each other achieve them.
4. The spark starts to fade.
When you’ve been together for years, it’s easy to slip into comfortable routines where the romance takes a back seat. The early excitement might feel distant, and the days of spontaneous dates or surprises might feel like a distant memory. However, you can get the spark back by bringing spontaneity back into the relationship. Plan regular date nights where you do something fun and different. You could also start surprising each other with little gestures like sending a sweet text, planning an unexpected getaway, or revisiting a place that means something to you both. Keeping the romance alive is all about making time for each other beyond the daily grind.
5. Money problems linger.
Let’s not sugarcoat it: money is often a major source of tension in long-term relationships. Differing financial habits, goals, and even priorities can cause strain, especially if you’re not on the same page when it comes to things like budgeting or saving. Sit down together and have open, honest conversations about your finances. Create a budget that works for both of you, and set shared financial goals. This could include saving for a holiday, paying off debt, or planning for retirement. If money is a big stress point, it might also be worth meeting with a financial advisor to get professional advice on how to manage things more effectively.
6. Parenting styles clash.
If you’ve got kids, it’s likely that parenting has caused some disagreements at some point. Whether it’s discipline, values, or day-to-day routines, having different ideas about how to raise your children can create friction. Make sure you’re presenting a united front when it comes to parenting. If you disagree on something, try discussing it privately and coming to an agreement before addressing it with the kids. You can also attend parenting workshops or read parenting books together to get fresh perspectives. This will help you work as a team, making the whole process smoother for everyone.
7. Physical intimacy shifts way down the priority list.
Between work, family, and everything else, physical intimacy can fall by the wayside, which can leave one or both of you feeling distant and disconnected. However, it doesn’t have to derail you. Talk about how you both feel and be open about your needs. Physical intimacy isn’t just about what happens in the bedroom; it’s about affection, touch, and emotional closeness. Make an effort to reconnect physically, even if it’s just holding hands, cuddling, or giving each other a kiss before bed. You could also schedule time for intimacy — don’t let it be something that gets pushed to the side.
8. Household responsibilities don’t feel 50/50 (or anywhere close to equal.
A common source of frustration in long-term marriages is an imbalance in household chores. One person might feel like they’re doing all the work, leading to resentment. Communicate openly about who’s doing what around the house and reassess the workload regularly. Maybe one person is working longer hours, or you have different standards of cleanliness, but it’s important to share the load. Create a chore chart, or simply sit down and divide things up in a way that feels fair. Reassess every few months to keep things even.
9. Boredom inevitably creeps in.
When you’ve been together for years, routines can get a little predictable. Without fresh experiences, life might start to feel a bit stagnant. Try new things together to break up the monotony. It could be anything from taking a class, trying out new hobbies, or even just going on spontaneous day trips. If you’ve got a bucket list, start ticking things off together. Fresh experiences will help keep things exciting and help you rediscover the joy of being with each other.
10. Extended family issues resurface.
Over the years, extended family dynamics can cause tension. Maybe it’s boundaries, expectations, or old unresolved issues that keep resurfacing and causing issues in your marriage. Be clear with each other about boundaries with family, and present a united front when dealing with family issues. Regularly check in about how you’re both feeling about family dynamics. And if it’s necessary, have a conversation with your family to set some boundaries and clear the air.
11. One partner feels emotionally disconnected.
Life gets busy, and sometimes one partner starts to feel emotionally neglected. The disconnection can be gradual, but it can really hurt the relationship if not addressed. Check in regularly about how you’re both feeling emotionally. It can be easy to get caught up in everyday life and forget to nurture your emotional connection. Make time for small gestures of affection and reassurance — send a text just to check in, or plan a day when you focus solely on each other. They’ll make a world of difference.
12. Career pressures cause a lot of tension.
Work can become a major source of stress in long-term relationships, especially when one or both partners are balancing demanding careers with their home life. If one partner’s job is taking up more time and energy, it can lead to feelings of neglect or frustration. That imbalance can create tension and make you feel disconnected. First, be open about the pressures you’re both facing at work. Share your feelings and let your partner know if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Find ways to support each other’s career ambitions while prioritising quality time together. This might mean scheduling regular date nights or setting clear boundaries between work and home life. You might also want to look for ways to divide household responsibilities so that one partner doesn’t feel like they’re doing it all while the other is absorbed in their job.
13. Friends and social circles change.
As time goes on, friendships often evolve or fade. You may notice that your social circle is changing, and that can leave one of you feeling isolated or out of sync with your partner. If one person feels disconnected from their social life or isn’t getting the same level of connection they once had with friends, it can lead to friction. Talk about how you’re both feeling about your social lives and how you can support each other. Encourage one another to nurture friendships, whether it’s hanging out with old pals or making new ones. You might even want to find some shared social activities — joining a club, participating in a hobby together, or attending community events. This way, you stay connected both to each other and to your wider circle.
14. Quirks that used to be endearing become annoying.
The little quirks that you once found charming in your partner can sometimes turn into sources of irritation. Whether it’s the way they chew, how they always leave clothes lying around, or a certain habit that’s become a pet peeve, these things can pile up over time and cause unnecessary tension. Communication is key here. Rather than letting these annoyances build up into resentment, it’s important to talk about them calmly and with empathy. If the issue is something small, try using humour to defuse the situation. And if it’s something bigger, work together to find a solution that feels fair to both of you.
15. Priorities change after the kids fly the nest.
When your kids grow up and leave home, it can feel like there’s a sudden shift in focus. As the house empties, it’s common for couples to face an adjustment period where they have to redefine their roles and reconnect with each other. It’s a time when you can feel disconnected, as the shared focus on parenting is no longer the central aspect of your relationship. That being said, this stage of life is a great opportunity to rediscover who you are as a couple, outside of your parenting roles. Start by setting aside time to re-explore your interests and hobbies together — things you may have put on hold while raising children. The key here is to see this as a fresh start, where you have the chance to deepen your connection and create new memories together.
