First impressions matter, especially when your entire vibe is summed up in a message.
Some openers feel safe or clever, but they fall flat—or worse, push someone away before the conversation even starts. If you’re serious about actually connecting, these are the dating app openers worth retiring for good. After all, people have got wary and exhausted of the same old, same old, so you’ll need to do something pretty special if you want to meet someone great.
1. “Hey.”
It might seem neutral and chill, but “hey” is too low-effort to lead to anything real. It gives the other person nothing to respond to, and in a sea of generic messages, it just fades into the background. People want to feel like you saw something interesting in their profile, not like they were randomly picked from a scroll. A simple message can still be warm—it just needs a bit more intent behind it.
2. “What’s up?”
This one’s similar to “hey” in that it rarely goes anywhere. It puts all the pressure on the other person to carry the conversation forward, and it doesn’t show much interest or originality. If you’re hoping to start a meaningful conversation, you’ll need to offer something more than a vague prompt. A little curiosity or personality goes a long way right out of the gate.
3. “You’re hot.”
Yes, compliments are great, but this one often feels lazy or objectifying, especially as an opener. It skips over everything else about the person and focuses solely on appearance, which can feel shallow fast. If attraction’s there, that’s a good thing, but starting with “you’re hot” usually ends the conversation before it begins. Try noticing something a little more thoughtful—it’s not hard, and it stands out more.
4. “Are you real?”
This might be meant as a compliment, but it comes across as suspicious or awkward. It can make someone feel like you think their photos are fake—or worse, that you’re setting up for a joke they’ve heard before. Most people on apps have heard this line so often that it just feels recycled. If you’re impressed, say so in a way that feels genuine and human. There’s always a better way to express awe.
5. “U up?”
Source: Unsplash This one rarely lands well unless both people are already on the same wavelength. As an opener, though, it screams low-effort and late-night agenda. It doesn’t set the tone for anything meaningful or respectful. If you’re hoping to build an actual connection, this kind of message makes it clear you’re not really trying. It’s a fast track to being unmatched or ignored entirely.
6. “Let’s skip the small talk.”
It sounds bold, but it often just comes across as dismissive. Small talk isn’t meaningless; it’s how people warm up, build trust, and feel each other out. Skipping it can feel like trying to fast-forward a connection that hasn’t even started. Instead of pushing past the early steps, lean into them. Asking a casual, open-ended question shows more patience and maturity than trying to rush intimacy too quickly.
7. “Tell me something interesting.”
Source: Unsplash It puts a lot of pressure on the other person to be entertaining from the start, while you haven’t really offered anything yourself. It’s more of a challenge than a conversation starter. People don’t want to prove they’re interesting—they want to feel like you’re actually interested. Show you’ve read their profile and start from there instead of tossing the ball into their court with no context.
8. “I’m bad at this.”
Source: Unsplash This one’s surprisingly common, and while it might be meant to break the ice, it usually does the opposite. It undercuts your confidence before the conversation even begins and sets an awkward tone. Even if you are unsure of what to say, lead with curiosity instead of self-deprecation. It’s more engaging to say something light or ask a genuine question than to put yourself down before you’ve even said hello properly.
9. “Hey sexy.”
Source: Unsplash This opener skips charm entirely and lands somewhere between cheesy and inappropriate. While it might seem flirty, it usually feels one-sided and unoriginal, especially if you haven’t established any rapport yet. There’s nothing wrong with playful energy, but nicknames like this, especially right out the gate, tend to feel more intrusive than flattering. Save it for later, once there’s actual chemistry.
10. “How are you still single?”
Source: Unsplash This one might be meant as a compliment, but it often lands awkwardly. It assumes a lot, comes off as a bit too much too soon, and doesn’t really leave room for a natural reply. Plus, being single isn’t something that needs justifying. Instead of starting with wonder or pity, try a more grounded question that actually invites a real response.
11. “You look like trouble.”
Source: Unsplash It’s often meant to be flirty, but it’s one of those lines that’s been used so many times it’s lost all edge. It can also come across as patronising or presumptuous, depending on how it’s read. People want to feel seen as more than a stereotype. If you’re genuinely interested, leave the canned lines behind and try something that feels a little more specific to them.
12. “Let’s just get married.”
Source: Unsplash It’s a joke, sure, but one that feels a bit forced and overdone. Most people see this line and roll their eyes, not because they don’t get the humour, but because it’s been said a hundred times before. If your style is playful, great—just give it a twist. Find a way to be funny that actually feels like your voice, not something that’s been copy-pasted across ten other chats.
13. “Do you want kids?”
This one’s important—but as an opener, it comes in hot. It jumps several steps ahead of where the conversation naturally wants to go, and can feel more like an interview than a light introduction. There’s room for deeper conversations, but leading with something so personal can feel jarring. Build a little trust first, then get into values and life plans once there’s actual connection.
14. “Nice smile.”
It sounds sweet, and there’s nothing wrong with being kind, but this line shows up so often it rarely makes an impact. It’s the kind of compliment people read and instantly forget. If you really want to compliment someone, be specific. Mention the energy of their photos, the vibe they give off, or a detail in their bio. It shows you’re paying attention, and that matters more than you’d think.
15. “Do you even reply?”
This one usually comes from frustration after being ignored, but it’s not a good look. Starting with passive-aggression or guilt doesn’t inspire anyone to reply. In fact, it usually guarantees they won’t. If someone hasn’t messaged you back, they’ve probably made their decision. Moving on gracefully says more about your confidence than sending a follow-up that reads like a complaint.
16. “Let’s cut to the chase.”
Source: Unsplash This opener tries to sound efficient or confident, but usually feels cold or transactional. It tells the other person you’re not interested in the process—just the outcome, whatever that may be. Dating apps already compress connection into fast exchanges. Skipping over the human part of conversation only makes things feel more hollow. If you want something real, take a moment to be real yourself.
