Friendships require effort to upkeep, just like any other relationship.
And while good friends will recognise that sometimes life gets hectic, and they won’t always be number one on your list of priorities, you do still need to make time and put in the work to show your mates how much you care. That’s why doing these things is a major no-no. If you’re guilty of these behaviours too often, it won’t be long until you’re on your own with no friends to speak of.
1. Cancelling plans last minute
Source: Unsplash It’s understandable if something comes up, but when cancelling becomes a habit, it can start to feel disrespectful. Friends take time out of their schedules to see you, so cancelling last minute can feel like their time isn’t important. Making a plan and sticking to it shows you value the time you’re spending together. When friends feel prioritized, it strengthens the connection between you.
2. Always talking about yourself
We all have things we’re excited or stressed about, but if every conversation revolves around you, it can feel one-sided. Friendship is about give and take, and sometimes that means listening more than you speak. Showing interest in your friend’s life makes them feel valued and included. A balanced conversation builds mutual respect and keeps things feeling equal.
3. Making everything a competition
It’s great to celebrate accomplishments, but if you’re constantly trying to one-up your friends, it can create unnecessary tension. Turning every success into a competition can make friends feel like they can’t share good news without being overshadowed. Friendship should feel supportive, not like a rivalry. Letting your friends shine without comparison makes them feel valued and respected.
4. Ignoring their boundaries
Whether it’s personal space, privacy, or emotional comfort zones, everyone has boundaries that deserve respect. Pushing past these limits can make friends feel uncomfortable or even resentful. Respecting boundaries shows that you’re considerate of their needs and preferences. When friends feel safe and respected, they’re more likely to trust and open up to you.
5. Only reaching out when you need something
It’s normal to lean on friends, but if you’re only reaching out when you need a favour, it can feel transactional. Friendships thrive on genuine connection, not just when it’s convenient. Reaching out just to check in or catch up shows that you care about them, not just what they can do for you. Friends want to feel valued for who they are, not just what they offer.
6. Constantly complaining without listening to them
Everyone has rough days, but if you’re always unloading your problems and never taking the time to listen, it can feel draining for friends. Friendship is a two-way street, and they deserve to feel heard too. Listening to their experiences and struggles, even if yours feel bigger, shows mutual respect. When you both feel supported, the friendship grows stronger.
7. Showing up late to everything
Life happens, and sometimes lateness is unavoidable, but when it’s a constant issue, it can come across as disrespectful. Making friends wait regularly can make them feel like their time isn’t important. Being punctual shows that you value their time as much as they value yours. A little punctuality can go a long way in showing respect and consideration.
8. Not keeping their secrets
When friends share something personal, they’re trusting you to hold that information close. Gossiping or sharing their secrets can break that trust quickly. Respecting their privacy shows that you value their trust and honour your friendship. Friends need to know they can confide in you without fear of judgment or exposure.
9. Flaking out on commitments
Agreeing to help or make plans and then not following through can make friends feel unimportant. Whether it’s showing up to an event or following through on a promise, being dependable shows you care. Keeping commitments builds a solid foundation of trust and reliability. Friends stick around when they know they can count on you.
10. Making jokes at their expense
Friendly teasing is normal, but if the jokes are always aimed at them, it can feel more hurtful than funny. Constantly joking at their expense can make them feel insecure or embarrassed. Being considerate of their feelings shows you care more about them than getting a laugh. Friends feel safer around you when they know they’re respected.
11. Not celebrating their successes
When something great happens to a friend, they want you to be happy for them. Dismissing or downplaying their successes can make them feel unsupported. Celebrating their wins, big or small, shows you’re genuinely happy for their happiness. Friends feel valued when their accomplishments are acknowledged and shared with enthusiasm.
12. Ignoring their advice but always asking for it
If you constantly ask for their advice but never seem to take it, it can feel like their input doesn’t matter. Asking for advice should be about mutual respect, not just validation. Listening and considering what they have to say shows that you trust their perspective. Friends feel valued when they know their thoughts make a difference.
13. Taking but never giving
Friendship isn’t about keeping score, but if you’re always on the receiving end, it can create an imbalance. Small gestures, like being the one to call or offer help, show that you’re invested too. Being generous with your time, support, and attention makes friends feel appreciated. Friendships grow stronger when both people feel equally valued.
