Marriage is an amazing thing, but it’s also a serious commitment that you need to think carefully about before embarking on.
If you’re planning on walking down the aisle, it’s important to make sure you know what you’re in for. Here are some questions you need to answer honestly before saying “I do.”
Do your values and life goals align?
Sure, a little bit of difference adds spice to life, but if you and your partner have fundamentally different values or visions for the future, it could lead to major clashes later on. Kids, careers, finances, religion — these are biggies. Have those honest, sometimes uncomfortable conversations now to make sure you’re on the same page.
Have you had the money talk?
Money matters can be a huge source of stress in a marriage. It’s important to talk openly and honestly about your financial situations, spending habits, and future goals. How will you handle joint finances, debts, and savings? Transparency and communication are key to avoiding those dreaded money fights.
Have you met the important people in each other’s lives?
Your partner’s family and friends can tell you a lot about them. If you haven’t met them, or if your partner seems hesitant to introduce you, it might be a sign that something’s not quite right. Getting to know the people they care about gives you a glimpse into their world and how you might fit into it.
Are you stuck in a loop of unresolved arguments?
Every couple argues, it’s normal. But if you keep having the same fights over and over again without any resolution, it’s a sign that something deeper needs to be addressed. It’s crucial to develop healthy communication and conflict-resolution skills before you tie the knot.
Do you feel pressured or rushed into marriage?
This is a massive decision, not a race to the finish line. If you’re feeling any pressure, whether from your partner, family, or even just societal expectations, it’s time to pump the brakes. Marriage should be something you’re both genuinely excited about, not something you feel obligated to do.
Are there any lingering trust issues?
Trust is the bedrock of a strong marriage. If you have unresolved trust issues or concerns about infidelity, you need to address them before saying, “I do.” Open and honest communication is key, and don’t hesitate to talk to a professional counsellor or therapist if you need it.
Have you experienced the nitty-gritty of daily life together?
Living together can be a real eye-opener. You’ll see each other’s quirks, habits, and routines up close and personal. If you haven’t shared a living space, consider a trial run before making that lifelong commitment. It’s a chance to see if you’re truly compatible in the day-to-day.
Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner?
A healthy relationship should feel safe and comfortable. If you’re constantly censoring yourself or afraid of upsetting your partner, it’s a sign that something’s off. You should feel free to be yourself and express your thoughts and feelings openly without fear of judgement or backlash.
Do you struggle to communicate effectively or resolve conflicts?
Communication is vital in any relationship, but it’s especially important in a marriage. If you and your partner have trouble understanding each other, avoid difficult conversations, or resort to unhealthy conflict resolution tactics, it’s a red flag. Consider going to therapy to improve your communication skills.
Are you losing your sense of self in the relationship?
A healthy relationship allows both partners to maintain their individuality and pursue their own interests and passions. If you feel like you’re losing yourself or constantly compromising your own needs and desires, it’s a sign that the relationship might not be balanced or supportive of your personal growth.
Is there a history of unhealthy or abusive relationships?
Past relationship patterns can often repeat themselves. If you or your partner have a history of unhealthy or abusive relationships, you have to deal with any underlying issues and develop healthy relationship dynamics before getting married. Don’t rush into marriage without ensuring both of you are equipped to create a safe and loving partnership.
Are there any major secrets or hidden aspects of your lives?
Honesty and transparency are crucial for building trust and intimacy. If you’re keeping major secrets or hiding important parts of your life from your partner, it can create a shaky foundation for your marriage. Be open and honest with each other, even if it’s difficult, and work towards building a relationship based on trust.
Are you generally unhappy or unfulfilled in the relationship?
No relationship is perfect, but you should generally feel happy, loved, and supported by your partner. If you’re consistently feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, or emotionally drained, it’s a sign that something needs to change. Don’t ignore these feelings or brush them off as normal relationship ups and downs. Address them with your partner and get some help if necessary.
Are you excited about the future together?
Marriage is about building a life together. If you’re not excited about the prospect of sharing your future with your partner or can’t envision a happy and fulfilling life together, it’s a major red flag. Take some time to reflect on your feelings and have honest conversations with your partner about your hopes and dreams.
Do you feel like you’re settling or compromising on your core values and needs?
Marriage shouldn’t require you to sacrifice your core values or compromise on your fundamental needs. If you feel like you’re constantly settling or sacrificing your own happiness, it might not be the right fit. You deserve a partner who respects and supports your values and needs.
Have you discussed important topics like children, parenting styles, or career aspirations?
These are major life decisions that can significantly impact your future together. Make sure you’re on the same page about these important topics before making a lifelong commitment.
Are you able to be your true self around your partner?
A healthy relationship allows both partners to be their authentic selves without fear of judgement or rejection. If you feel like you have to hide parts of your personality or suppress your true feelings, it’s a sign that the relationship might not be supportive of your individuality and growth. You deserve a partner who loves and accepts you for who you truly are.
