You may think you’re pretty likeable, but chances are you have some hidden habits that are secretly turning people off.
Most of us do things that unintentionally rub people the wrong way, often without even realising it. If you want to boost your likeability and strengthen your relationships, it’s time to take an honest look at your behaviour. Here are 16 hidden habits that may be making you less likeable than you’d prefer.
1. Waiting for your turn to speak instead of really listening
Source: Unsplash When someone is talking to you, are you actually absorbing what they’re saying, or just impatiently waiting to interject with your own thoughts? If you’re more focused on what you want to say next than on listening attentively, people will pick up on that. They’ll feel unheard and unimportant. To be more likeable, practice being fully present and engaged in conversations. Really take in what the other person is expressing before formulating your response.
2. Only reaching out when you need something
Source: Unsplash Do you only get in touch with certain people when you need a favour or when something is in it for you? That’s a guaranteed way to seem self-interested and transactional. To be more likeable, proactively reach out to friends and acquaintances just to say hello, see how they’re doing, or share something interesting. Foster your relationships even when you don’t have an ulterior motive. Shower people with attention and care without expecting anything in return.
3. Constantly complaining or being negative
Source: Unsplash Are you always griping about something? Complaining about the weather, your job, the restaurant service, or your latest inconvenience? Negativity is draining to be around. It can make you seem like an insufferable pessimist. While everyone gets in a bad mood sometimes, constantly voicing negative thoughts will turn people off. Try to talk about good things that are happening as well. Joke around and look on the bright side more often.
4. Dominating conversations and not letting other people get a word in
Source: Unsplash Do you tend to bulldoze conversations and make every discussion about you? Repeatedly cutting people off, refusing to let them finish their point, or redirecting the topic back to yourself is alienating. People want to feel like you’re interested in them and their thoughts too. Aim for balanced dialogues, not unilateral monologues. Ask the other person questions, let them speak uninterrupted, and show you’re as invested in their input as your own.
5. Staring at your phone while talking to someone
Source: Unsplash There’s nothing quite as annoying as trying to talk to someone who’s distracted by their phone. When you’re glancing at notifications or scrolling through messages mid-conversation, the other person feels unimportant and disrespected. Give people your full attention. Keep your phone out of sight when chatting and make eye contact. Show the other person that they, not your screen, are your priority in that moment.
6. Gossiping or speaking badly about people
Source: Unsplash It can feel tempting to bond with friends by dishing dirt about someone else. But gossiping often backfires and makes you seem untrustworthy. People will wonder what you say about them behind their backs. To be more likeable, avoid speaking badly about people, especially those who aren’t there to defend themselves. Stick to positive topics. If you must critique someone, at least do it constructively and compassionately to their face.
7. Trying too hard to be “cool” or impress people
Source: Unsplash Sometimes in our eagerness to get people to like us, we put on airs or try to act cooler than we are. But that inauthenticity is obvious and off-putting. People are drawn to those who are comfortable in their own skin. Ditch the posturing and just be your genuine self. Don’t hide your quirks or pretend to be something you’re not. Confidently owning who you are — flaws and all — is much more likeable and magnetic.
8. Always needing to be right
Having to win every argument or prove that your view is the only correct one is exhausting for everyone. People don’t like feeling lectured to or intellectually inferior. It’s fine to have strong opinions, but also leave room for other perspectives. Concede valid points the other person makes. Admit when you’re not an expert on a topic. Say “I don’t know” or “I hadn’t considered that” sometimes. A bit of intellectual humility goes a long way.
9. Talking more than you listen
Are you a conversational narcissist who makes every discussion about yourself? Dominating the airtime and neglecting to really hear the other person out will leave a bad taste. To be more likeable, generous listening is key. Aim for a balanced back-and-forth. Ask the other person thoughtful questions and draw them out. Show you’re genuinely interested in their experiences, opinions and stories, not just waiting your turn to speak again.
10. Not respecting people’s time or always being late
Keeping people waiting by being chronically late to meetings and social engagements is rude. It signals that you value your own time more than the other person’s. To be more likeable, make a point of being punctual — even early. Show up when you say you will. If you’re running behind, give the other person a heads-up. Respecting people’s schedules shows you respect them.
11. Being a know-it-all and correcting people
Even if you are very knowledgeable, acting like a know-it-all is irritating. People don’t want to feel intellectually belittled or constantly corrected. Resist the urge to disagree with people’s views just to show off your own expertise. Don’t nitpick small factual errors. Let other people save face. When you do share your knowledge, do it humbly and constructively. Recognise that everyone, including you, always has more to learn.
12. Humblebragging
Source: Unsplash Subtle or not-so-subtle boasting is a major turn-off. Constantly plugging your achievements into conversations — even under the guise of self-deprecation — doesn’t make you more likeable. It makes you seem egotistical and desperate for validation. To be more likeable, let your accomplishments speak for themselves. Share your successes if asked or if genuinely relevant, but otherwise keep the focus on other people. Be modest and gracious.
13. Downplaying or dismissing other people’s problems
Source: Unsplash When someone shares something they’re struggling with, responding with toxic positivity (“Just look on the bright side!”) or dismissiveness (“Oh, that’s not a big deal.”) is invalidating. It shows a lack of empathy. To be more likeable, really listen to understand the person’s perspective. Take their problems seriously, even if they seem trivial to you. Express compassion and support, not breezy platitudes. Let people know that their feelings are valid.
14. Never accepting blame or saying sorry
Source: Unsplash Refusing to take responsibility for your mistakes doesn’t make you seem confident — it makes you appear fragile and untrustworthy. When you’ve messed up, own it. Don’t make excuses or deflect blame. Offer a sincere apology, even if your ego takes a temporary hit. Acknowledging when you’re wrong shows strength, integrity, and respect. Defensiveness only erodes trust and goodwill.
15. Giving unsolicited advice
Source: Unsplash You may think you’re being helpful by telling people how to solve their problems, but unsolicited advice often comes across as patronising or presumptuous. It suggests you don’t think they’re capable of figuring things out themselves. Unless someone expressly asks for your opinion, resist the urge to tell them what to do. Express empathy and offer support, but let them find their own solutions. Respect their agency and autonomy.
16. Always needing to have the last word
Source: Unsplash Insisting on getting the final say in every discussion or refusing to drop an argument until the other person relents is irritating and domineering. It makes people feel overwhelmed. Sometimes being likeable means choosing peace over victory. Learn to diplomatically “agree to disagree” when you’ve hit an impasse. Don’t drag out disputes unnecessarily. Preserve the relationship even if you haven’t convinced the other person. Knowing when to let things go is a strength.
