Narcissists are all about themselves, so needless to say, they haven’t got much empathy.
Whether it’s a colleague, a “friend,” or a romantic partner, they find it hard to care about you in the slightest, and it shows in everything they say and do. When you’re suffering because of something they did or because you’re having a tough time in life in general right now, sympathy or understanding aren’t even on the list of emotions they’ll feel. The truth of a narcissist’s emotions in this scenario is a bit more sinister.
1. They feel a rush of importance.
Ever noticed how they perk up when you’re down? Your tears make them feel special, powerful, and in control. It’s like they’ve been waiting for this moment — watching you struggle gives them the attention and importance they crave. They might even create little dramas just to see you react. These moments become precious to them because they feed directly into their need to feel important and powerful in your life.
2. Their ego gets a boost.
When you’re having a hard time, they aren’t thinking “poor you.” Instead, they’re thinking about how this proves their power over you. Your pain becomes their victory lap. They might even smile slightly or get a sparkle in their eye when they see you’re upset — it’s their moment to shine. The more deeply you show your hurt, the more validated they feel in their perceived superiority over you.
3. They feel validated.
Your suffering makes them feel right about everything — their actions, their choices, even their hurtful words. Each time you show pain, they take it as proof that they matter, that they’re importantt. Your hurt feelings become their personal trophy. They store these moments away as evidence of their influence, often bringing them up later to remind you of their impact on your life.
4. They experience a sense of achievement.
For them, your tears are a sign of success. When you’re broken down, they feel built up. They might even brag about how much you care about them, using your pain as evidence of their importance. Your suffering becomes their success story. They often replay these moments in their mind, savouring the feeling of dominance and control they experienced.
5. They feel more powerful than ever.
Your vulnerability becomes their strength. When you’re down, they stand taller. They might even create little crises or problems just to watch you scramble and struggle. Your weakness makes them feel invincible. These moments reinforce their belief that they hold genuine power over your emotional well-being.
6. They get excited by the drama.
Your pain creates excitement in their world. They feed off the emotional turmoil, often stirring up more trouble just to keep the drama going. Your suffering provides the entertainment they crave in their otherwise empty emotional world. They actively look for ways to maintain this state of chaos because it gives them a sense of being alive and important.
7. They feel in complete control.
Seeing you hurt makes them feel like they’re holding all the cards. They love watching you try to fix things, attempt to explain yourself, or beg for understanding. Your desperate moments become their power plays. Each time you react to their manipulation, they feel more confident in their ability to control the relationship dynamic.
8. They feel justified in their actions.
Source: Unsplash Your pain doesn’t make them feel guilty — it makes them feel justified. In their mind, your suffering proves they were right all along. They’ll even use your emotional reactions to paint you as the problematic one. This twisted logic helps them maintain their self-image as the reasonable party in every conflict.
9. They feel superior.
Source: Unsplash Every tear you shed raises them higher on their imaginary pedestal. They look down at your emotions as proof of your weakness and their strength. Your vulnerability becomes their superiority. These moments cement their belief that they’re special, different, and above normal emotional responses.
10. They experience a need for more.
Your suffering gives them a rush that doesn’t last. Soon they need more drama, more tears, more proof of their power. This creates a cycle where they continuously push your buttons to get their next fix. Their need for emotional reactions from you grows stronger over time as they build tolerance to smaller displays of pain.
11. They feel nothing at all.
While you’re feeling everything so deeply, they’re emotionally flat. Your pain doesn’t touch their heart or spark compassion. Instead, they watch your suffering with a clinical detachment that can feel chilling. Their lack of emotional response serves as a shield, protecting them from experiencing any guilt or responsibility for their actions.
12. They feel impatient with your recovery.
When you start healing, they get antsy. Your strength threatens their control. They might try to reopen old wounds or create new ones just to keep you in that vulnerable space they prefer. The sight of you becoming stronger and more independent creates genuine anxiety in them, pushing them to act more aggressively.
13. They feel entitled to your pain.
In their mind, your suffering is their right. They believe they’re entitled to cause you pain, and your attempts to protect yourself feel like personal attacks against them. This sense of entitlement extends to every aspect of your emotional life, making them feel betrayed when you don’t react as expected.
14. They feel challenged by your boundaries.
When you try to protect yourself from pain, they take it as a personal insult. Your boundaries threaten their access to the emotional supply they crave from watching you suffer. They view your attempts at self-protection as direct challenges to their authority and position in your life.
15. They feel the need to share your pain.
Your suffering becomes their favourite story to tell. They’ll share details of your pain with anyone who’ll listen, twisting the narrative to make themselves look good while exposing your vulnerable moments. This public display of your private pain serves multiple purposes for them, from gaining sympathy to establishing their narrative as the official version of events.
