Extroverts aren’t the problem—far from it. They bring energy, connection, and movement into rooms that might otherwise stay stuck.
However, sometimes, that instinct to fill every silence or lead every conversation can unintentionally drown everyone else out, or leave little space for deeper reflection. Learning to be quiet and thoughtful doesn’t mean changing who you are—it just means expanding the range of how you show up. People are often offering introverts advice on how to be more outgoing, but there’s rarely any guidance in the opposite direction. With that in mind, here’s how extroverts can practise a little more stillness, and why it’s worth doing sometimes.
1. Get comfortable with silence.
It’s easy to treat silence like a gap that needs filling. But often, it’s not an awkward pause—it’s a chance for people to catch up, process, or just feel safe without constant stimulation. Extroverts can practise sitting in silence without trying to fix it. This might feel unnatural at first, especially in social settings. But giving space allows other people to come forward on their own terms, and sometimes, what emerges from that space is more genuine than anything said in a rush.
2. Ask more open-ended questions.
Extroverts are great at keeping conversations flowing, but sometimes they steer them a bit too quickly. Instead of jumping in with opinions or anecdotes, try asking open questions and really listening to the answer before adding your own story. This slows things down and gives people room to go deeper. It also shows that you’re not just engaging for the sake of it—you’re actually curious about what someone else has to say.
3. Don’t rush to respond.
When you’ve always been the first to speak up, it can feel weird to sit back. However, giving people a few extra seconds to answer—or even just letting a thought land—can change the whole tone of a conversation. Slowing your response doesn’t mean holding back your personality. It just makes space for more considered input and often leads to a richer back-and-forth.
4. Notice when you’re dominating conversations and situations.
It’s not ego—it’s just habit. Extroverts often don’t realise how much they’re talking because conversation comes naturally to them. However, stopping now and then to ask, “Am I giving other people room?” is a quiet form of awareness that goes a long way. It’s not about shrinking yourself. It’s about noticing who else hasn’t spoken, and making sure there’s space for them to join in without needing to fight for it.
5. Try spending time alone without distraction.
Extroverts often recharge through people and movement, but intentionally spending solo time, without podcasts or background noise, can help develop comfort with inner stillness. This doesn’t mean isolation—it means presence. Even 10 minutes of quiet can build patience and reflection. Plus, the more you practise it, the easier it gets to access thoughtful space even in loud or busy environments.
6. Practise active listening, not just responsive listening.
Extroverts tend to listen while preparing what they’ll say next. But thoughtful presence means putting that response on hold and really soaking in what’s being said—even if it means not replying with something “impressive” or funny right away. People feel deeply heard when there’s no agenda on the other side. It builds stronger trust, and it often encourages more openness than you’d get by driving the conversation forward.
7. Reflect before offering advice.
Extroverts love solving problems and hyping people up—but not everyone wants advice the moment they open up. Pausing to ask, “Do you want advice, or just to talk it through?” is a small, thoughtful change that creates emotional safety. This helps you meet people where they are, rather than where you think they should be. It’s also a sign of maturity—knowing when to offer energy, and when to offer quiet support.
8. Observe group dynamics.
In a room full of people, extroverts often move instinctively to the centre. But sometimes, the more powerful move is to step back and notice who isn’t being heard, who’s shrinking, or who’s staying silent out of habit. Being thoughtful in group spaces doesn’t mean pulling back completely. It means using your natural confidence to make space for other people, especially those who struggle to take it for themselves.
9. Don’t fill space for the sake of it.
Not every moment needs commentary. Not every event needs to be narrated. Extroverts can get used to being the glue in social situations, but sometimes, the quieter choice is the most respectful one. This doesn’t mean withdrawing—it means letting things breathe. You’ll often find that when you resist the urge to jump in, more interesting things unfold on their own.
10. Value slowness as much as energy.
Extroverts are wired for momentum, but there’s huge value in learning to appreciate slower rhythms. Not every conversation needs to be energised. Not every gathering needs to be full of buzz. Slowness brings depth. And when extroverts can slow down without feeling bored or restless, they tap into a different kind of presence—one that invites honesty instead of performance.
11. Journal or write things down.
Thoughtful reflection doesn’t always come naturally to high-energy personalities. But writing things down, even shorthand or not in any great detail, helps make sense of feelings that don’t always get processed in fast-paced conversations. That doesn’t mean becoming introspective overnight. But even occasional journaling can strengthen that quieter inner voice that doesn’t always get airtime.
12. Get curious about what quiet people are holding.
People who don’t speak much aren’t empty—they’re just less quick to share. Extroverts who slow down enough to draw quiet people out often discover insights and perspectives that would’ve been missed otherwise. It takes patience, but asking, “What do you think?” and then truly listening shows emotional intelligence, and builds trust in ways loud charisma never could.
13. Let go of the pressure to entertain.
Extroverts often carry an invisible sense of responsibility to keep the mood up, fill awkward pauses, or make everyone feel engaged. However, that pressure isn’t always needed, or welcome. Sometimes, the best thing you can offer is your relaxed presence. Letting go of that performer instinct makes space for more real, less performative connection.
14. Learn that presence doesn’t always mean volume.
You don’t have to speak the most to be the most respected. In fact, some of the most powerful people in a room are the ones who speak less, but with clarity and calm. Learning to embody that presence is a skill worth building. Quiet thoughtfulness doesn’t make you smaller. It just adds another layer to who you already are—and often, it makes your words land more deeply when you do choose to speak.
