Gaslighters live to make you doubt yourself and your judgement.
They’ll say some pretty ridiculous things to convince you that your memory sucks, your perceptions are all wrong, and that you’re actually mentally unstable — all to maintain their carefully constructed facade and stay in control. Because of this, there are some common phrases that all of them tend to keep in their arsenal to whip out when needed — here are a few of the big hitters. Once you’re aware of them, they sound even sillier (and more infuriating) when you hear them!
1. “You’re really overreacting.”
This is one of the most common things gaslighters say to make you feel like your emotions are invalid. When they say this, they try to minimise your feelings and make you think you’re being too sensitive or dramatic, even when your response is entirely reasonable.
2. “That’s not what I said.”
Gaslighters often deny what they’ve said or done, making you question your memory or perception of events. This one is used to distort reality, forcing you to doubt whether you heard them correctly or if you’re simply imagining things.
3. “You’re just being paranoid.”
If you voice concerns or suspicions, a gaslighter might respond with this to make you feel like you’re being irrational. It’s a way of dismissing your thoughts, leaving you unsure if there’s any truth to your worries or if you’re just overly suspicious.
4. “It’s all in your head.”
This is used to invalidate your experiences and feelings — at least that’s their intention. When a gaslighter tells you this, they’re suggesting that your thoughts and emotions are unfounded, creating doubt about your reality and making you question whether what you’re feeling is legitimate.
5. “You’re just too sensitive.”
By calling you overly sensitive, a gaslighter shifts the blame onto you. They downplay your legitimate feelings and make it seem like you’re the one with the problem. This can make you start to feel like you’re the one who’s in the wrong for simply expressing your emotions.
6. “You’re imagining things.”
Gaslighters use this one to dismiss your observations or concerns. If you’re noticing red flags or inconsistencies in their behaviour, they’ll make you doubt your own perceptions, suggesting that you’re fabricating problems where none exist.
7. “Don’t you remember?”
Gaslighters bring this one out when they want to make you feel confused or question your memory. It’s a way of casting doubt on your recollection of events, subtly suggesting that you’re misremembering things and even doubting your own mental clarity.
8. “You always do this.”
This is used to make you feel like your reactions are predictable and always negative. It places the blame on you for what’s happening, making it seem like you’re the problem in every situation. Over time, this can make you feel like you’re constantly in the wrong, even if that’s not true.
9. “I never said that.”
Source: Unsplash Similar to “That’s not what I said,” this is meant to undermine your memory and perception. Gaslighters will flat-out deny things they’ve said or done, leaving you questioning whether you imagined the entire conversation or if you’re misinterpreting things.
10. “You’re crazy.”
Source: Unsplash When a gaslighter calls you crazy, they’re trying to make you feel like you’re out of touch with reality. This is a classic tactic to cause self-doubt, making you feel like your thoughts and emotions are irrational, even if they’re completely valid.
11. “You’re the one who’s wrong.”
Source: Unsplash Rather than taking responsibility for their actions, a gaslighter might flip the script and place the blame on you. By insisting that you’re wrong, they make you feel like the issue is with your perspective, making you doubt your own judgement and reality.
12. “Everyone else agrees with me.”
Source: Unsplash Gaslighters say this to create the illusion that their perspective is the majority opinion, making you feel isolated and wrong. It’s a way of invalidating your point of view, suggesting that you’re out of touch with what everyone else thinks or feels.
13. “You’re just being dramatic.”
This is another way to minimise your feelings. If you express frustration or hurt, a gaslighter may dismiss it as dramatics to avoid accountability. This can make you second-guess whether you’re blowing things out of proportion, even when your response is perfectly reasonable.
14. “It’s not a big deal.”
By downplaying your concerns, a gaslighter tries to make you feel like you’re overreacting or making a fuss over nothing. This is meant to diminish the significance of what’s happening, leaving you to doubt whether you’re making too much of a situation.
15. “I’m only trying to help.”
Gaslighters often frame their manipulation as concern or care. By using this phrase, they make it seem like their actions are coming from a place of help or love, even if they’re actually controlling or undermining you. This can cause you to question your own reactions, thinking you might be overreacting to their “kindness.”
