Kids need plenty of love, affection, and support — everyone knows that.
Sadly, not everyone has that experience, and if your childhood often felt devoid of those very important things, it’s no wonder you felt unloved. The saddest part is that feeling doesn’t just dissipate as soon as you become an adult — it stays with you. Luckily, you have the power to change your story. Here’s how to start processing what you went through and start recognising just how worthy of love you truly are.
1. Name what you missed.
Take time to write down specific moments when you needed love but didn’t receive it. Maybe it was having no one at your school plays, or crying alone in your room. Writing these memories helps validate your feelings and understand what you’re actually grieving. Getting these feelings out of your head and onto paper can help release some of their power.
2. Notice your inner voice.
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself when things go wrong. That harsh inner critic often comes from messages we heard growing up. Try catching yourself when that voice pipes up with criticism. Pause and ask if you’d say those same words to a friend. Start practising gentler ways to speak to yourself.
3. Build tiny self-care habits.
Start treating yourself with the kindness you deserved as a child. Make your favourite breakfast, buy yourself flowers, or take a warm bath when you’re feeling down. These small acts might feel awkward at first, but they help rewire your brain to accept care and comfort. Keep showing up for yourself in these little ways every day.
4. Create safe spaces.
Make your bedroom or living room feel completely safe and comforting. Fill it with soft textures, calming colours, and things that make you feel good. This becomes your sanctuary when emotions feel overwhelming. Take time to really settle into this space when you need to feel protected and held.
5. Learn to sit with feelings.
When sadness or anger comes up, try not to push it away immediately. Let yourself feel these emotions without judgment — they’re natural responses to what you experienced. Write them down, cry if you need to, or just breathe through them. Remember that feeling these emotions means you’re processing and healing.
6. Stop forcing forgiveness.
Don’t rush yourself to forgive or move on before you’re ready. It’s okay to be angry or hurt about what happened. Take all the time you need to process these feelings. Your timeline for healing is your own, and pressure to forgive quickly often just buries the hurt deeper.
7. Find your comfort activities.
Discover what truly soothes you when you’re feeling low. Maybe it’s gardening, baking, drawing, or walking in nature. Notice which activities help you feel grounded and peaceful. Make time for these activities regularly, especially when painful memories surface.
8. Build chosen connections.
Start building relationships with people who show up consistently and care about your wellbeing. Look for friends who listen without judging and respect your boundaries. Take small steps to let people earn your trust. Give yourself permission to be selective about who gets close to you.
9. Celebrate small wins.
Notice when you handle things differently than your past patterns. Maybe you spoke up for yourself or set a boundary. Acknowledge these moments of growth, no matter how small they seem. Write down these victories to remind yourself how far you’ve come.
10. Trust your feelings.
Start believing your emotional responses instead of doubting them. If something feels wrong, pay attention to that feeling. Your emotions are valid signals trying to protect you. Practice listening to these inner warnings and acting on them.
11. Give yourself permission to need.
Accept that having needs and wants is normal and healthy. You’re allowed to ask for help, want attention, and need support. Start small — ask a friend for a hug or tell someone when you’re having a rough day. Your needs deserve to be expressed and met.
12. Rewrite your story.
Start challenging the narrative that you were unlovable. The lack of love you received wasn’t about your worth — it was about other people’s limitations. Write down your strengths, achievements, and the ways you’ve survived. Keep adding to this new story of resilience and growth.
13. Find your nurturing rituals.
Create daily practices that help you feel cared for. Maybe it’s morning stretches, evening tea, or weekly bubble baths. These rituals become reliable sources of comfort you can always count on. Make these moments special by really focusing on how they nourish you.
14. Release the need to prove.
Source: Unsplash Let go of constantly trying to prove your worth through achievements or people-pleasing. Your value isn’t tied to what you do or how much you give. Take breaks when you need them, say no when you want to, and remind yourself you’re enough just as you are.
15. Notice new growth.
Source: Unsplash Keep track of how you’re changing and healing. Notice when you catch yourself showing self-compassion or standing up for your needs. These moments show your capacity to give yourself the love you deserved all along. Remember, each small step forward is reshaping your story.
