Even though their issues aren’t yours to fix, it can really get you down when your parents are at loggerheads.
Whether they’re going through a particularly tough time but are committed to making it through, or they should have got a divorce long ago but are in denial, dealing with such a toxic and dysfunctional family situation is enough to drive you insane. Here’s what to do when you can’t solve their problems but you also can’t avoid them altogether.
1. Remember, it’s not your job to fix things.
When tempers flare, it’s natural to feel caught in the middle, but it’s important to remind yourself that their relationship is theirs to manage. You might feel pressure to mediate or step in, but doing so could make things worse or leave you feeling burnt out. Their issues are not a reflection of your responsibilities, and stepping back can help you protect your own peace.
2. Have a go-to spot to get some distance.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is step away for a bit. Whether it’s your bedroom, a cosy corner, or even a walk around the block, having a place to decompress can make a world of difference. This physical distance lets you regain your composure and stop the tension from taking over your own emotions. A breather can be all you need to feel centred again.
3. Talk it out with someone you trust.
Source: Pexels When things are heavy at home, sharing your thoughts with a trusted friend, relative, or even a therapist can help you process what’s going on. Venting to someone outside the situation gives you perspective and reminds you that you’re not alone in dealing with it. Sometimes, just being heard by someone who cares can ease the weight you’re carrying.
4. Focus on what’s within your control.
It’s easy to feel helpless when chaos is brewing at home, but shifting your energy toward things you can control can be grounding. Whether it’s diving into a hobby, focusing on work, or planning your next step in life, putting your attention on something positive helps you regain a sense of power. You can’t change them, but you can choose how you spend your energy.
5. Take care of your own mental and physical health.
Your parents’ drama doesn’t have to take over your life. Make time for things that bring you joy, whether it’s exercising, reading, catching up with friends, or even just relaxing with a favourite show. Prioritising your well-being helps you build resilience against the stress and reminds you that you deserve peace, even when things are tense around you.
6. Create a mental boundary.
Even if you can’t leave the room every time there’s an argument, you can protect yourself emotionally by setting internal boundaries. Remind yourself that their fights are not yours to absorb or solve. Visualising a mental barrier can help you feel more detached and less overwhelmed by the chaos around you.
7. Avoid taking sides.
It might feel natural to defend one parent over the other, but this often makes things messier. Staying neutral lets you support both of them without getting dragged further into the conflict. Remember, you’re not a referee, and choosing sides can strain your relationships with them individually.
8. Accept that it’s okay to feel affected.
Living in a tense environment can leave you feeling sad, stressed, or even angry—and that’s completely normal. Trying to suppress those emotions often makes them worse. Instead, acknowledge how you’re feeling and give yourself the grace to process those emotions without judgment. It’s okay not to feel okay.
9. Reach out for professional help if it feels overwhelming.
If things are overwhelming, speaking to a therapist or counsellor can give you tools to navigate the stress. They can help you develop coping strategies and process your feelings in a healthy way. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a proactive step toward protecting your mental health.
10. Find things to do that make you feel good.
When home life feels heavy, doing something you love can give you a much-needed mental break. Whether it’s painting, playing sports, or bingeing a series you adore, these little escapes can help you recharge. Taking time for activities that bring you joy can remind you there’s more to your world than family conflict.
11. Try practising mindfulness.
Mindfulness techniques, like deep breathing or meditation, can help you stay grounded in the moment. When emotions run high, taking even a few minutes to focus on your breath or a calming exercise can make a big difference. It’s not about ignoring the chaos but finding your own inner calm amidst it.
12. Step away if you need a break.
Sometimes the best response to a tense moment is simply leaving the room. A quick walk outside or even just stepping into another space can help you reset. Distance gives you the chance to collect your thoughts and approach things more calmly when you’re ready.
13. Write it down.
Journaling can be a powerful way to process your feelings without needing to share them with anyone. Putting your thoughts on paper helps you sort through emotions and can bring clarity to what’s weighing on you. Plus, it’s a safe outlet to vent without adding fuel to the fire at home.
14. Distract yourself in a healthy way.
There’s no shame in giving yourself a break from the drama with a good book, a movie, or a puzzle that grabs your focus. Healthy distractions let you step back from the tension and recharge, making it easier to face things when you have to.
15. Set your own personal goals.
When family drama feels all-consuming, focusing on your own aspirations can give you a sense of purpose and control. Whether it’s learning a new skill, working toward a career milestone, or saving for a goal, having something to strive for can shift your attention to something positive and fulfilling.
16. Try seeing your parents as people.
It’s hard to remember sometimes, but your parents are just people—flawed, stressed, and figuring things out like everyone else. Understanding that they have their own struggles can help you feel less personally impacted by their issues. This shift in perspective might even bring some empathy into the situation.
17. Remind yourself you’re not the only one dealing with this.
Family drama is far more common than people admit, and knowing other people have been through similar situations can be comforting. Reaching out to someone who’s been through it or reading about similar experiences can remind you that you’re not alone and that other people have come out the other side stronger.
18. Stay hopeful for change.
Even if things feel hopeless now, relationships are constantly evolving. Tension won’t last forever, and your parents’ dynamic may shift in ways you can’t predict. Holding onto a bit of hope can make the tough times feel less permanent and give you the patience to see it through.
