Divorce can leave you feeling lost and isolated — trust me, I know from experience.
No matter how many amazing friends and family members you have, the loss of a shared life, routines, and dreams can create an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. It’s okay to grieve, but it’s also really important to find healthy ways to cope and rebuild your life. Here are some things that worked for me.
1. Embrace the ‘alonement’.
Instead of fighting the solitude, embrace it. Use this time to reconnect with yourself, your desires and your dreams. Carve out moments of ‘alonement’ — deliberate, enjoyable solitude. This could mean anything from taking yourself out for a solo coffee date to spending an entire weekend indulging in a passion project.
2. Rewrite your narrative.
Divorce often comes with a narrative of failure. Challenge this. See it as a plot twist, not an ending. Journaling can help reframe the experience, focusing on lessons learned and the strength it took to make a difficult decision. Remember, resilience is often born from adversity.
3. Cultivate ‘soul-filling’ friendships.
It’s not just about having more friends, it’s about having the right ones. Focus on friendships that nourish your soul, challenge you to grow, and make you feel truly seen and heard. These are the people who will be your cheerleaders as you rebuild your life.
4. Step outside your comfort zone.
Divorce can shake your foundations, but it can also be an opportunity to break free from old patterns and explore uncharted territory. Sign up for that salsa class you’ve always wanted to try, travel solo to a new destination, or learn a new language. Stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to unexpected adventures and a renewed sense of self.
5. Turn your home into a sanctuary.
Your living space can have a profound impact on your emotional well-being. Declutter, redecorate, or simply rearrange the furniture to create a space that feels truly yours. Fill it with things that spark joy and inspire you. Your home should be a haven where you can recharge and find solace.
6. Practice radical self-compassion.
Source: Unsplash Be kind to yourself. You’re going through a major life transition, and it’s okay to have setbacks. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad, angry, or lost. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend.
7. Find your tribe.
Source: Unsplash Look for communities of people who have gone through similar experiences. Whether it’s an online support group, a divorce recovery workshop, or a local meet-up, connecting with people who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly empowering and validating.
8. Reclaim your ‘me time’.
Source: Unsplash After years of compromise and shared schedules, rediscover the joy of doing things solely on your terms. Binge-watch your favourite show without guilt, sleep in late on a Saturday, or take a spontaneous road trip. Reclaiming your ‘me time’ can be liberating and help you rediscover your independence.
9. Give back to people where you can.
Shifting your focus outwards can be a powerful antidote to loneliness. Volunteering your time, skills, or resources to a cause you believe in can give you a sense of purpose and connection to something larger than yourself. It’s also a wonderful way to meet like-minded people and expand your social circle.
10. Learn to say ‘no’.
Post-divorce, it can be tempting to overcommit in an attempt to fill the void. But saying ‘yes’ to everything can lead to burnout and resentment. Learn to set boundaries and make your needs a priority. It’s okay to decline invitations or requests if they don’t align with your goals or energy levels.
11. Embrace imperfection.
Let go of the pressure to have it all figured out. Life after divorce is a journey, not a destination. There will be bumps in the road, and that’s okay. Embrace the messiness and uncertainty. Remember, growth often happens in the spaces between what we planned and what actually unfolds.
12. Create a ‘joy list’.
Make a list of activities that bring you genuine joy, no matter how big or small. It could be anything from dancing in your kitchen to watching the sunrise. When loneliness strikes, refer to your list and choose an activity to lift your spirits. Make a conscious effort to incorporate these joyful moments into your daily life.
13. Consider going to therapy, even temporarily.
If loneliness persists or becomes overwhelming, don’t hesitate to reach out to someone who’s trained to help. A therapist can provide support, guidance, and coping strategies to navigate the emotional challenges of divorce. Therapy can be a safe space to process your feelings and develop healthy ways to manage loneliness, even if only until you’re back on your feet.
14. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small.
Acknowledge and celebrate your progress, even if it’s just getting out of bed on a tough day or trying a new recipe. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory worth recognising. Celebrating your wins can boost your confidence and remind you of your strength and resilience.
15. Trust that this too shall pass.
Loneliness after divorce is a common experience, but it’s not permanent. With time, self-compassion, and a willingness to embrace change, you will emerge from this chapter stronger and more empowered. Remember, y
