A lot of people have strong feelings about whether they want children — they very much do or they really, really don’t.
However, others are undecided and are constantly weighing the pros and cons in their minds. Sure, it’d be nice to have your own family, but does it make sense to bring a kid into this world? Can they afford it? Do they want to give up their freedom and dedicate at least the next 18 years of their lives to raising them? If you’re a bit on the fence yourself, here are some things to consider.
1. Consider your lifestyle and how much you’re willing to change it.
Having kids is like pressing the reset button on your life. Those spontaneous weekend getaways? They might become a thing of the past. Late nights out with friends? Not so easy anymore. Think about your current lifestyle and how you’d feel about trading some of that freedom for nappy changes and bedtime stories. If the thought of restructuring your life around a little one excites you, that’s a good sign. But if it fills you with dread, you might want to pause and reflect.
2. Evaluate your financial situation honestly.
Let’s face it, kids are expensive. From nappies to university tuition, the costs add up quickly. Take a hard look at your finances. Can you comfortably afford to support a child? Do you have a stable income? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices? If the thought of cutting back on your avocado toast budget makes you break out in a cold sweat, you might need to do some more financial planning before taking the plunge into parenthood.
3. Assess your support system.
Raising a child takes a village, or at least a really supportive WhatsApp group. Do you have family or friends nearby who can lend a hand? Or are you flying solo? Having a strong support system can make the challenges of parenthood much easier to handle. If you’re living far from family and friends, consider how you’d cope with the demands of parenting on your own.
4. Think about your career goals and how they align with parenthood.
Balancing a career and kids can feel like juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle. Some careers are more family-friendly than others. Consider how having children might impact your professional aspirations. Are you willing to make compromises? Or do you feel you’d resent having to choose between your job and your kids? There’s no right answer, but it’s important to be honest with yourself about your priorities.
5. Reflect on your childhood and family experiences.
Our own upbringing often shapes our views on parenting. Think about your childhood. Was it something you’d want to replicate for your own kids? Or are there aspects you’d want to change? Understanding your own family history can give you insights into what kind of parent you might be and whether that aligns with your values and goals.
6. Consider your partner’s feelings and goals.
If you’re in a relationship, this decision isn’t just about you. Have open, honest conversations with your partner about their feelings on having kids. Are you on the same page? If not, how big is the gap between your views? Remember, bringing a child into a relationship where one person isn’t fully on board can lead to resentment and conflict down the line.
7. Think about how you handle stress and sleepless nights.
Parenthood is like a crash course in stress management and sleep deprivation. If you’re someone who needs eight hours of uninterrupted sleep to function, or if you tend to crumble under pressure, parenthood might be a tough adjustment. On the other hand, if you thrive under pressure and can function on minimal sleep, you might be better equipped for the challenges of raising a little one.
8. Consider your long-term life goals.
Close your eyes and imagine your life in 10, 20, or 30 years. Do you see children in that picture? Does the thought of grown kids visiting for the holidays warm your heart, or does it feel like an obligation? Your vision of your future self can be a powerful indicator of whether parenthood aligns with your long-term goals and desires.
9. Assess your patience levels honestly.
Kids have a knack for testing even the most patient among us. They’ll ask “why” a thousand times, throw tantrums in public, and wake you up at ungodly hours. If you lose your cool easily, you might want to work on your patience before considering parenthood. But if you can keep your cool while explaining for the hundredth time why the sky is blue, you might have what it takes.
10. Think about how you’d feel if you couldn’t have children.
Sometimes, the decision is taken out of our hands. Imagine a doctor telling you that you can’t have children. How does that make you feel? Relieved? Devastated? Indifferent? Your gut reaction to this scenario can be very telling about your true feelings on parenthood.
11. Consider your reasons for wanting (or not wanting) kids.
Are you feeling pressured by family or society? Or do you have a genuine desire to nurture and raise a child? Maybe you’re worried about overpopulation or the state of the world. Whatever your reasons, make sure they’re your own and not someone else’s expectations. Having kids to please people or because it’s “what you’re supposed to do” rarely ends well.
12. Reflect on your ability to put someone else’s needs before your own.
Parenthood is a crash course in selflessness. You’ll be putting your child’s needs before your own, often. That might mean skipping your favourite TV show to read “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” for the millionth time, or spending your savings on their education instead of that dream holiday. If the thought of sacrificing for someone else feels fulfilling rather than frustrating, that’s a good sign.
13. Think about how you deal with unpredictability.
Source: Unsplash Kids are walking, talking bundles of unpredictability. One minute they’re angels, the next they’re drawing on the walls with permanent marker. If you thrive on routine and struggle with surprises, parenthood might be a challenging adjustment. But if you can roll with the punches and find the funny side of even the worst situations, you might be well-suited for the wild ride of raising kids.
14. Consider your own personal growth and development.
Source: Unsplash Parenthood can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth. It can teach you patience, empathy, and unconditional love like nothing else. But it can also be all-consuming, leaving little time for your own interests and development. Think about your personal growth goals. Will having children help you achieve these, or will it put them on hold indefinitely?
15. Trust your gut feeling.
Source: Unsplash After considering all these factors, pay attention to your instincts. Does the idea of having kids fill you with excitement or dread? Do you feel a sense of longing when you see parents with their children, or relief that it’s not you? While it’s important to think through the practical aspects, don’t discount your emotional response. Sometimes, your gut knows what’s right for you before your head does.
