Just because you care deeply for someone doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together.
Maybe they’re already in a relationship, or they don’t reciprocate your feelings. Maybe you’re toxic together and know that for your own well-being and theirs, you can’t be in a relationship. Whatever the reason, it’s important that you detach from them as soon as possible so that you can start to heal and move on. There’s someone out there who IS right for you, but this person isn’t it.
1. Accept the reality of the situation.
It’s hard, but you’ve got to face the facts. If you can’t be with this person, acknowledging that truth is the first step. Don’t waste time on ‘what ifs’ or ‘maybes’. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like it, but it’s crucial for moving on.
2. Feel your feelings.
Don’t bottle things up. It’s okay to be sad, angry, or frustrated. Let yourself cry if you need to. Suppressing your emotions will only make the process longer and harder. Feel what you need to feel, but try not to wallow in it forever.
3. Cut off contact.
This is a tough one, but it’s necessary. Delete their number, unfollow them on social media, and avoid places you know they’ll be. Out of sight, out of mind isn’t just a saying — it really helps when you’re trying to detach.
4. Get rid of reminders.
Those cute photos, gifts, and mementos? They’ve got to go. You don’t have to throw them away if you’re not ready, but at least put them somewhere out of sight. Constant reminders will only keep you stuck.
5. Focus on yourself.
Now’s the time to prioritise yourself. Pick up a new hobby, hit the gym, or learn a new skill. Focusing on personal growth distracts you and boosts your self-esteem. Remember, you’re awesome on your own (even if it doesn’t feel like it right now).
6. Lean on your support system.
Don’t go through this alone. Reach out to friends and family. Talk about how you’re feeling. Let them distract you with fun activities or just sit with you when you’re feeling down. Good people in your corner can make a world of difference.
7. Create new routines.
If your old routines remind you of that person, shake things up. Take a different route to work, find a new coffee shop, or change your workout schedule. New habits can help create a sense of a fresh start.
8. Practice mindfulness.
When your thoughts start spiralling, try to bring yourself back to the present moment. Focus on your breathing, the sensations in your body, or the sounds around you. Mindfulness can help break the cycle of obsessive thoughts.
9. Write it out.
Source: Unsplash Journaling can be super therapeutic. Write down your thoughts and feelings. If there are things left unsaid, write a letter to that person (but don’t send it). Getting your emotions out on paper can help you process them.
10. Set goals for the future.
Think about what you want your life to look like moving forward. Set some goals, both big and small. Having things to work towards can give you a sense of purpose and hope for the future.
11. Be patient with yourself.
Detaching takes time. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up if you have setbacks. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s different for everyone. Be kind to yourself throughout the process.
12. Consider talking to a professional.
Source: Unsplash If you’re really struggling, there’s no shame in asking for help when you need it. A therapist or counsellor can give you some great coping strategies and offer an unbiased perspective on your situation. Sometimes, an outside view can make all the difference.
13. Reflect on the lessons.
Source: Unsplash Every relationship, even ones that don’t work out, can teach us something. Try to identify what you’ve learned from this experience. Maybe it’s about what you want in a partner, or something you’ve discovered about yourself.
14. Allow yourself to hope again.
Source: Unsplash It might feel impossible now, but try to stay open to the possibility of future connections. Detaching from someone doesn’t mean closing your heart forever. When you’re ready, allow yourself to be excited about the potential for new relationships and experiences.
15. Celebrate small victories.
Source: Unsplash Made it through a day without checking their social media? Went to a place that reminded you of them and didn’t break down? These are wins! Acknowledge and celebrate these small steps. They’re proof that you’re moving forward, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
