Expressing your feelings can be tricky without rubbing anyone the wrong way can be tricky.
We all want to be heard and understood, but sometimes it’s easy to come across as a bit… well, arrogant. That being said, it’s totally possible to share your emotions without sounding like a know-it-all. Here are some simple ways to get your feelings across while still respecting other people’s feelings and opinions.
1. Use “I” statements to own your feelings.
Instead of saying “You always make me feel…” try “I feel… when you…”. This subtle shift in language makes a world of difference. It shows that you’re taking responsibility for your emotions, rather than blaming someone else for them. It also opens the door for a more productive conversation where both sides can express their perspectives without feeling attacked.
2. Focus on your specific emotions, not just the situation.
Sometimes, we get caught up in the details of what happened and forget to express how it made us feel. Instead of just recounting the facts, try to identify the emotions you’re experiencing. Are you sad, angry, hurt, or disappointed? Sharing your emotional response helps people understand the impact of their actions and allows for a deeper connection.
3. Be mindful of your tone and body language.
The way you say something can be just as important as the words you choose. If you speak in a condescending or dismissive tone, people might feel defensive, even if your words are technically correct. Pay attention to your body language too. Avoid crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, or raising your voice. Instead, try to maintain a calm and open demeanour, even if you’re feeling frustrated.
4. Choose the right time and place for the conversation.
Expressing your feelings is important, but sometimes it’s best to wait for the right moment. If you’re in the middle of a heated argument or a public setting, it might not be the most productive time to have a deep emotional discussion. Instead, wait until you’re both calm and in a private space where you can talk openly without distractions.
5. Listen to the other person’s perspective with empathy.
Communication is a two-way street. Even if you disagree with someone, it’s important to try to understand their point of view. Listen actively to what they have to say, ask clarifying questions, and try to put yourself in their shoes. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it shows that you respect their opinion and are willing to engage in a meaningful dialogue.
6. Avoid generalisations and absolutes.
Statements like “You always do this” or “You never listen” can be hurtful and unproductive. They tend to shut down communication and put people on the defensive. Instead, focus on specific instances and behaviours. For example, instead of saying “You’re always late,” you could say “I felt frustrated when you were late for our meeting today.”
7. Offer solutions instead of just complaints.
If you’re bringing up a problem, try to offer a potential solution along with it. This shows that you’re not just complaining for the sake of it, but that you’re actively trying to find a way to resolve the issue. For example, instead of saying “I hate it when you leave your dirty dishes in the sink,” you could say “I would appreciate it if you could put your dishes in the dishwasher after you use them.”
8. Be open to feedback and willing to compromise.
Even if you’re confident in your feelings, it’s important to be open to the possibility that you might be wrong or that there might be other perspectives to consider. Listen to what the other person has to say, and be willing to compromise if necessary. Remember, the goal of communication is not to win an argument, but to find a solution that works for everyone involved.
9. Validate the other person’s feelings, even if you don’t agree with them.
Saying something like, “I understand you’re upset,” or “I can see why you feel that way,” goes a long way in defusing tension and building rapport. It doesn’t mean you’re conceding or agreeing with their perspective, but it does show that you acknowledge their feelings and are willing to have a respectful conversation.
10. Use humour to lighten the mood and defuse tension.
A little humour can go a long way in making a difficult conversation more bearable. It helps to break the ice, put people at ease, and create a more relaxed atmosphere. Just be sure your jokes are appropriate and don’t come across as sarcastic or mocking. A genuine laugh can do wonders for communication.
11. Avoid comparing yourself to anyone else.
Comparing yourself to other people is a recipe for resentment and insecurity. It’s okay to admire someone else’s achievements, but don’t let it diminish your own. Focus on your strengths and accomplishments, and celebrate your unique journey. Remember, everyone has their own path, and there’s no need to measure yourself against anyone else’s standards.
12. Focus on the present, not the past.
Bringing up past grievances or mistakes can derail a conversation and make it harder to move forward. If you need to address a past issue, do it in a constructive way, focusing on how you can learn from it and improve in the future. Don’t dwell on the past, but rather focus on the present and how you can work together to build a better relationship.
13. Be willing to apologise when you’re wrong.
Admitting when you’re wrong is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you’re humble, self-aware, and willing to take responsibility for your actions. If you’ve hurt someone’s feelings, apologise sincerely and make an effort to learn from your mistake. A genuine apology can go a long way in repairing trust and strengthening a relationship.
14. Acknowledge the other person’s strengths and accomplishments.
Source: Unsplash Everyone likes to feel appreciated and valued. Take the time to acknowledge your partner’s strengths, talents, and accomplishments. This doesn’t mean you have to shower them with compliments, but a simple “I’m proud of you” or “You did a great job” can go a long way in building their confidence and strengthening your bond.
15. Celebrate your own successes without bragging.
It’s okay to be proud of your achievements, but there’s a fine line between sharing your excitement and bragging. Instead of boasting about your accomplishments, focus on expressing your gratitude and enthusiasm. For example, instead of saying “I got a promotion because I’m the best,” you could say “I’m so excited about my new position, I’ve been working really hard, and it’s finally paying off.”
16. Remember, it’s okay to be proud of yourself without putting people down.
Source: Unsplash Confidence is an attractive quality, but arrogance is a turn-off. You can be proud of your accomplishments without making people feel small or inferior. Celebrate your successes, share your joy, and lift people up along the way. Remember, true confidence comes from within, and it doesn’t need to be validated by putting anyone down.
