How To Fight The Urge To Make Everything About You

Be honest: Do you have the tendency to turn everything into a one-man (or one-woman) show, with you as the star?

You’re not necessarily self-centred, but you make everything about you, and it’s only a matter of time before it starts annoying everyone around you, which has probably already happened. If you want to make things a little more equal and preserve your reputation in the process, here’s how to fight against that natural urge to take centre stage all the time.

1. Listen to people without interrupting or relating everything back to your own experiences.

When someone is sharing something with you, give them your full attention, and resist the urge to jump in with your own stories or opinions. Let them finish talking, and try to understand their perspective without immediately relating it back to your own life. Sometimes, people just need to be heard, not one-upped.

2. Ask questions that require lengthier answers so you can learn about people.

Instead of dominating the conversation, show genuine interest in the other person. Ask open-ended questions that invite them to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings. This shifts the focus away from you and allows them to feel heard and valued.

3. Be more empathetic and try to see things from the other person’s perspective.

Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand how they might be feeling. This will help you respond with compassion and avoid making assumptions or judgements based solely on your own experiences.

4. Validate the other person’s feelings and experiences, even if you don’t fully understand them.

Let them know that you hear them and acknowledge their emotions. Avoid dismissing their feelings or telling them how they ‘should’ feel. Validation creates a sense of connection and understanding, so try it more often!

5. Resist the urge to offer advice or solutions unless you’re asked for either.

Sometimes, people just need to vent or share their feelings without being offered solutions. Resist the urge to jump in with advice or fix-it mode. If they want your input, they’ll ask for it. Otherwise, just listen and offer your support.

6. Pay attention to your body language and non-verbal cues.

Are you making eye contact, nodding your head, and showing that you’re engaged in the conversation, or are you fidgeting, checking your phone, or looking distracted? Your body language can speak volumes, so make sure it’s showing attentiveness and interest.

7. Be mindful of how much you talk about yourself.

It’s natural to share your own experiences and stories, but be aware of how much airtime you’re taking up. If you find yourself taking over the conversation, take a step back and give other people a chance to talk. A balanced conversation involves both sharing and listening, after all.

8. Remember that not every conversation needs to be about you.

Sometimes, it’s okay to just be present and listen to other people without feeling the need to insert yourself into the conversation. Not every story or experience needs to be related back to your own life. Embrace the opportunity to listen and broaden your perspective.

9. Try to focus on the present moment and avoid dwelling on the past or future.

When you’re fully present in the conversation, you’re less likely to get sidetracked by your own thoughts or anxieties. Don’t bring up the past all the time or dwell on what might happen in the future because that’s just going to derail the conversation and turn it back to you. Stay firmly in the present.

10. Practise self-awareness and reflect on your conversational habits.

Pay attention to how often you steer conversations back to yourself or interrupt people. If you tend to take over discussions or dismiss other people’s perspectives, notice that and stop it. Self-awareness is the first step towards change. Once you recognise your tendencies, you can start making conscious efforts to be a better listener and conversationalist.

11. Challenge your assumptions and biases.

We all have preconceived notions and biases that can influence how we see and interact with people. Challenge those assumptions and try to see things from a fresh perspective. Be open to learning from people and expanding your understanding of the world. You don’t know everything, and that’s a good thing.

12. Celebrate other people without feeling threatened or diminished.

Genuine happiness for other people’s accomplishments shows a secure sense of self and a lack of ego. Don’t feel threatened or diminished by other people’s accomplishments because there’s room for everyone to win. Cheer them on genuinely and enthusiastically!

13. Try to express gratitude and appreciation for the people in your life.

Let the people you care about know how much you value them. Let them know how grateful you are for their presence in your life, their support, and everything they do for you and everyone around them. Everyone loves feeling appreciated, and they might just reciprocate the kind words!

14. Practise more active listening skills like paraphrasing and reflecting back what the other person said.

This shows that you’re truly listening and understanding their message. It also helps you break the focus on yourself and put it back on the people you’re talking to, which could be just what you need sometimes.

15. Admit when you don’t know something or when you need help.

Nobody has all the answers, and it’s okay to admit when you’re unsure or need help. In fact, doing so shows humility and a willingness to learn from people, which makes you seem more down to earth.

16. Cultivate a sense of curiosity and genuine interest in other people’s lives.

You might think, ‘Eh, I don’t really care about people I don’t know,’ but it’s learning about their lives and what makes them tick that will encourage a connection to grow. You have to give people — and yourself! — a chance.

17. Focus on giving rather than receiving in your interactions.

Shift your focus from what you can get out of a conversation or relationship to what you can contribute. Be supportive, encouraging, and act as a sounding board. You might be surprised at how fulfilling conversations can be even when you’re not at the centre of them.

18. Practise self-compassion and recognise that everyone makes mistakes.

If you do find yourself making everything about you, don’t beat yourself up about it. We all have moments of self-centeredness. Acknowledge it, apologise if necessary, and then redirect the conversation back to the other person. The key is to learn from your mistakes and do better next time.