As much as we’d like to assume that everyone has good intentions, we know that’s sadly not the case.
There are selfish, toxic people out there who will happily throw you under the bus or undermine you in order to get what they want, and they tend to be pretty slick about it. The good thing is that if you know what you’re looking for and how to react to people like this, you can protect yourself and repel their bad behaviour.
1. Recognise the warning signs.
Scheming people often show their true colours through subtle manipulation, excessive flattery, or a pattern of taking without giving. Pay attention to your gut feeling—if something feels off, it probably is. Learning to spot these behaviours early can help you stay ahead of their plans.
2. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.
Schemers thrive on exploiting weak boundaries, so be firm about your limits. Whether it’s saying no to unreasonable demands or refusing to share personal information, standing your ground protects you from their attempts to overstep. Clear boundaries also show that you won’t be easily manipulated.
3. Don’t overshare personal details.
Conniving people often use your vulnerabilities or personal information against you. Avoid giving them ammunition by keeping sensitive details private. Share only what’s necessary, and maintain a level of discretion, especially in professional or new relationships.
4. Learn to say no without guilt.
Schemers often rely on guilt-tripping to get their way. Being able to say no confidently and without apology disarms their tactics. A simple, “I’m not comfortable with that,” or, “That won’t work for me,” is enough—you don’t owe them a detailed explanation.
5. Stay calm and composed.
Schemers may try to provoke emotional reactions to gain control of the situation. Remaining calm and level-headed denies them the satisfaction of seeing you flustered. Keeping your composure also helps you think clearly and respond strategically.
6. Verify their claims and intentions.
Scheming people often manipulate facts or exaggerate situations to serve their agenda. Don’t take everything they say at face value—double-check their claims and try to get some other perspectives when needed. Doing your due diligence protects you from falling into their traps.
7. Keep your achievements and successes low-key.
Schemers may target you out of jealousy or a desire to benefit from your hard work. Keeping your accomplishments understated can reduce their interest in exploiting you. Celebrate your wins with trusted people who have your best interests at heart.
8. Surround yourself with trustworthy allies.
Having a solid support system makes it harder for underhanded people to isolate or manipulate you. Confide in people who genuinely care about you, and ask for their advice when dealing with tough situations. Allies can provide perspective and protection against harmful behaviour.
9. Avoid engaging in their games.
Schemers thrive on drama and manipulation, so refusing to play along weakens their influence. Stay focused on your goals and priorities rather than getting dragged into their schemes. Respond with logic and professionalism, not emotion, to maintain control.
10. Document interactions if necessary.
In professional or legal situations, keeping a record of interactions can protect you from false accusations or misrepresentations. Save emails, take notes during meetings, and keep a timeline of events. Documentation is a powerful tool for holding schemers accountable.
11. Trust actions over words.
Scheming people often say all the right things to gain your trust, but their actions rarely align with their promises. Pay more attention to what they do than what they say. Consistent behaviour reveals true intentions, so let their actions guide your judgement.
12. Get some outside advice when in doubt.
If you’re unsure about someone’s intentions, consult a trusted friend, mentor, or colleague. An outside perspective can provide clarity and help you see red flags you might have missed. Sometimes, a fresh set of eyes is all you need to uncover a schemer’s true motives.
13. Know when to walk away.
Some situations and people aren’t worth the stress. If a schemer’s behaviour persists despite your efforts to set boundaries or disengage, it may be time to cut ties. Walking away protects your energy and allows you to focus on relationships and opportunities that bring value to your life.
