Not everyone in your life values you for who you are; some are more interested in what you can do for them.
These relationships can be incredibly tiring, leaving you feeling used rather than appreciated. However, if you know the warning signs, you can kick these people to the kerb before they get the chance to drain you dry. Here are a few ways to spot people who only value you for what you can offer, so you can set boundaries and protect your peace.
1. They only reach out when they need something.
If the only time your phone lights up with their name is when they need a favour, it’s a clear red flag. Genuine relationships involve mutual effort and communication—not just calls for help or support when it benefits them. It’s hard to feel valued when someone only seems to remember you exist when you can solve a problem for them.
2. They rarely ask how you’re doing.
Conversations with these people often revolve around their needs, their problems, and their lives. If they don’t take the time to check in on you or ask about your well-being, it’s a sign they’re not truly invested in you as a person. A real friend is interested in how you’re feeling, not just what you can do for them.
3. They disappear when you’re struggling.
True friends stick around during tough times, but people who only value you for what you can offer tend to vanish when you need support. Their absence when you’re down speaks volumes about their priorities. If someone consistently flakes out when you need a helping hand, it’s time to reconsider their role in your life.
4. They expect favours, but rarely return them.
It’s normal to give and take in relationships, but if the balance is heavily skewed toward you giving and them taking, it’s worth reevaluating the dynamic. People who value you only for what you can offer often have little interest in reciprocating. Over time, this can leave you feeling tired and taken for granted.
5. They downplay your boundaries.
If you try to say no or set limits, they may guilt-trip you or act offended. Respecting boundaries is a hallmark of healthy relationships, so if they can’t handle hearing “no,” their priorities might not align with yours. A real friend respects your limits without making you feel bad about them.
6. They’re overly complimentary when they need something.
Watch out for excessive flattery that suddenly appears when they want a favour. Compliments are great, but if they’re always followed by a request, it’s likely manipulation disguised as kindness. Genuine appreciation doesn’t come with strings attached.
7. They make you feel like a resource, not a person.
If interactions leave you feeling more like a walking toolbox than a valued individual, it’s a sign they see you for your utility rather than your personality. People who truly care will value your presence, not just your skills or connections. Feeling like a means to an end is a major red flag.
8. They never celebrate your successes.
When something good happens in your life, people who value you will celebrate with you. But if someone brushes off your achievements or even seems annoyed by them, it could be because they don’t see you beyond what you can do for them. Their lack of support speaks louder than words.
9. They constantly bring up what you’ve done for them.
If someone frequently reminds you of past favours you’ve done as if to justify asking for more, it’s a subtle sign they’re keeping track. Genuine relationships aren’t transactional, and you shouldn’t feel like you owe them something at all times. It’s a move that can leave you feeling indebted, even when you shouldn’t.
10. They guilt-trip you for saying no.
Instead of respecting your decision, they might make you feel bad about not helping. Statements like “I thought I could count on you” or “I guess I’ll just figure it out myself” reveal their reliance on manipulation rather than mutual respect. A healthy relationship isn’t built on guilt.
11. They overstay their welcome.
Whether it’s physically or emotionally, people who value you for your offerings often take more than you’re comfortable giving. They might monopolise your time or space without considering your limits, leaving you feeling drained and taken for granted. Boundaries are key to avoiding that kind of imbalance.
12. They’re dismissive of your struggles.
When you share a challenge or need help, they quickly brush it aside or shift the focus back to themselves. It’s a clear sign they’re not interested in supporting you unless it benefits them somehow. Genuine care means listening and being present, not deflecting or ignoring your feelings.
13. They’re absent for the little things.
Genuine connections are built on everyday moments, not just big gestures. If someone only shows up when it suits them, they’re missing out on the consistent care that defines true friendship. Relationships should be about shared experiences, not convenience. It’s the little moments that often mean the most.
14. You feel worse after interacting with them.
If spending time with someone leaves you feeling drained, unappreciated, or even resentful, it’s a strong indicator that the relationship isn’t balanced. People who value you for who you are make you feel appreciated, not used. Trust your instincts—your energy is worth protecting.
