Not all dads are easy to get along with.
Whether your relationship with your father has always been tough, or it’s deteriorated over the years for reasons you can’t quite put your finger on, you still value your parent and want to stay on good terms with him. While the responsibility isn’t all yours, there are things you can do to smooth things over and keep your dynamic as positive as possible.
1. Set realistic expectations.
Understand that your father, like everyone, has flaws and limitations. Accepting that he may never be the perfect dad you imagined can help reduce disappointment and frustration. Focus on small, achievable improvements rather than dramatic transformations. Shifting your mindset can make a big difference in how you approach your relationship.
2. Establish clear boundaries.
Determine what behaviours you’re willing to accept and which ones are deal-breakers, then communicate these boundaries clearly and calmly. Be prepared to enforce them consistently, even if it means limiting contact with your dad at times. Remember, boundaries are about protecting yourself, not punishing the other person.
3. Practise empathy.
Try to understand your father’s background and experiences. What shaped his beliefs and behaviours? This doesn’t excuse hurtful behaviour, but it can provide context and potentially soften your perspective. You might discover that some of his difficult traits stem from his own struggles or upbringing.
4. Choose your battles wisely.
Source: Unsplash Not every disagreement needs to turn into a confrontation. Learn to let go of minor irritations and focus on addressing more major issues. Ask yourself if the potential conflict is worth the emotional energy it will require. Sometimes, agreeing to disagree can be the most peaceful solution.
5. Communicate openly and honestly.
Express your feelings and concerns calmly and directly. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”. Be prepared to listen to his perspective as well. Open communication can lead to better understanding on both sides.
6. Find common ground.
Identify interests you have in common or activities you both enjoy — this could be anything from watching sports to discussing history or working on DIY projects. Having positive experiences together can help build a stronger connection and create new, happier memories.
7. Don’t hesitate to talk to a professional.
Consider family therapy or counselling if you’re struggling to make progress on your own. A neutral third party can provide valuable insights and strategies for improving your relationship. Plus, they can mediate tough conversations and teach effective communication skills.
8. Practice forgiveness.
Holding on to the past can really prevent you from moving forward. That doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing harmful behaviour, but rather freeing yourself from the burden of resentment. Forgiveness is often more about your peace of mind than the other person’s absolution.
9. Focus on the present.
While it’s important to address past issues, try not to dwell on them constantly. Focus on building a better relationship in the present and future. Each interaction is an opportunity for a fresh start. Look for small positive changes and acknowledge them when they occur.
10. Take care of yourself.
Source: Unsplash Ensure you’re looking after your own emotional well-being. Engage in self-care activities, maintain supportive friendships, and pursue your own interests. A strong sense of self can help you navigate difficult family dynamics more effectively. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
11. Adjust your expectations of change.
Source: Unsplash Recognise that while you’re working on improving the relationship, your father may not change in any major way. Focus on managing your own responses and attitudes rather than trying to change him. Your efforts might inspire him to make changes, but it’s important not to rely on this outcome.
12. Celebrate small victories.
Acknowledge and appreciate any positive interactions or improvements, no matter how small. Did you have a pleasant conversation? Did he show interest in your life? Recognising these moments can help shift your focus from the negative to the positive, gradually improving your overall relationship.
