When you think someone is lying to you (or you’re entirely sure they are), it’s tempting to call the out right then and there.
However, that might not always be the best way forward. If you don’t want to create an awkward situation or get it wrong, there are other ways of dealing with the situation and the person without letting them make you out as a mug. While you’ll get your chance to confront them if you’re right about their dishonesty, here’s what to do for now.
1. Keep your poker face on.
Source: Unsplash The moment you suspect a lie, your first instinct might be to react. But keeping your expression neutral gives you the upper hand. They won’t adjust their story based on your reactions, and you’ll have time to actually listen to what they’re saying—and more importantly, what they’re not saying. Pay attention to how comfortable they seem with your calm demeanour.
2. Let them paint the full picture.
Rather than interrupting or challenging them immediately, let them complete their story. Most liars have rehearsed the main points but struggle with details. The longer they talk, the more likely they are to contradict themselves or reveal inconsistencies. Notice how they handle follow-up questions about specific details.
3. Ask casual questions backward.
Start from the end of their story and work your way back with gentle, curious questions. Lies are usually rehearsed chronologically, so this approach catches them off guard. Watch how their confidence level changes when they have to reconstruct events in reverse. The truth flows easily in any direction.
4. Mirror their language.
Use their exact words when asking follow-up questions. If they say they “stopped by” somewhere, ask what else they did when they “stopped by.” Liars often switch terms when retelling stories to distance themselves from the lie. Their reaction to hearing their own words repeated back can be very telling.
5. Stay genuinely curious.
Approach the conversation with authentic interest rather than accusation. People lying often expect confrontation, so genuine curiosity throws them off balance. They’ve prepared for your anger, but not your interest in understanding their perspective. Watch how they handle someone who seems genuinely interested in their story.
6. Notice sudden detail changes.
When someone’s lying, they tend to either over-explain simple things or become mysteriously vague about important details. Pay attention to when and why their level of detail suddenly shifts. Truth tellers generally maintain consistent detail levels throughout their story.
7. Create comfortable silence.
After they finish speaking, let the silence hang for a moment. Most liars get uncomfortable with silence and try to fill it with more explanations or unnecessary details. Truth tellers are usually comfortable letting their story stand on its own. The quiet moments often reveal more than words.
8. Focus on feelings.
Ask how they felt about the situation rather than just what happened. Lies usually focus on events and actions, while genuine experiences come with authentic emotions. Someone telling the truth can easily share their feelings because they actually experienced them.
9. Give them an exit.
Sometimes people lie because they feel cornered. Offering an understanding way out—”Maybe I misunderstood?”—can make it easier for them to come clean. Watch how they respond when given an opportunity to clarify or correct their story without losing face.
10. Stay on one point.
When you notice an inconsistency, stick with it gently instead of jumping to other suspicious details. Liars often try to distract by bringing up other topics or past situations. Don’t let the conversation drift away from the specific point you’re trying to clarify.
11. Echo their excuses.
When they make excuses, respond with simple understanding: “That must have been really frustrating.” People being dishonest often don’t know how to handle apparent sympathy for their manufactured difficulties. The truth has nothing to prove.
12. Note their distractions.
Watch how often they check their phone, fidget with objects, or try to change the subject. While nervous energy doesn’t automatically signal dishonesty, sudden urgent interest in minor distractions often does. Truth tellers usually want to resolve confusion directly.
13. Use open body language.
Keep your arms uncrossed and your posture relaxed, even if you’re sceptical. This approach often catches liars off guard—they’re expecting confrontation, not openness. Your relaxed demeanour might make them question whether maintaining their lie is really necessary.
14. Document discreetly.
Mental notes about dates, times, and specific claims can be valuable later. Don’t make it obvious you’re tracking details, but remember key points they might change later. People being dishonest often don’t realise how their story shifts over time.
15. Trust your instincts.
Source: Unsplash If something feels off about their story, it probably is. Your subconscious often picks up on subtle inconsistencies before your conscious mind can explain why. That gut feeling telling you something’s wrong usually has good reasons, even if you can’t articulate them yet.
16. Stay focused on facts.
Source: Unsplash Rather than getting emotional or making accusations, stick to what you know for sure. Emotions can cloud judgement and give liars room to manipulate the situation. When you stay centred on verifiable facts, it becomes harder to maintain inconsistencies.
