Discussing beliefs can be challenging, especially when they differ from your own.
When someone tells you they don’t believe in God, it can make you feel all sorts of emotions — confusion, curiosity, or even defensiveness. That being said, responding with openness and understanding can make the conversation meaningful. If someone doesn’t share your faith, here’s how to continue the conversation in a way that feels respectful and kind.
1. Stay calm and avoid knee-jerk reactions.
It’s natural to feel surprised or even defensive when someone rejects something you hold dear. But staying calm sets the tone for a respectful conversation. Everyone’s beliefs are shaped by their experiences, and it’s important to honour that. Keeping your composure shows that you respect their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it.
2. Acknowledge their right to believe differently.
Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs (or lack thereof). Recognising this doesn’t diminish your faith — it just shows you respect their autonomy. You can say something like, “I understand that we see things differently, and that’s okay.” This creates a space for open dialogue rather than argument.
3. Listen to their reasons without interrupting.
Sometimes, people just want to feel heard. If they’re willing to explain why they don’t believe in God, give them the chance to share without cutting them off. Truly listening can help you understand their perspective better. It also shows that you value their thoughts, which can make them more open to hearing yours.
4. Avoid trying to “win” the conversation.
Source: Unsplash Discussions about belief shouldn’t be about winning or proving who’s right. Approaching it like a debate can create tension and close off genuine understanding. Instead, focus on exchanging ideas and learning from each other. A conversation where both sides feel respected is far more productive than a heated argument.
5. Share your own beliefs, but don’t preach.
Source: Unsplash If they’re open to hearing about your faith, share what it means to you and why it matters. Focus on your personal experiences rather than trying to “convert” them. Saying, “My faith gives me comfort because…” feels more relatable than, “You need to believe this.” Personal stories invite connection, not defensiveness.
6. Ask genuine, respectful questions.
Curiosity is a sign of respect. Asking thoughtful questions like, “What led you to that belief?” shows that you care about their perspective. Avoid asking questions that sound accusatory or dismissive. Genuine curiosity can lead to deeper understanding and build trust between you.
7. Recognise common values.
Source: Pexels Even if you don’t share the same belief in God, you probably share some core values — kindness, honesty, compassion. Focusing on these commonalities can create a sense of connection. You might say, “We might believe different things, but I appreciate that we both value helping other people.” Common ground can strengthen relationships despite differences.
8. Don’t take it personally.
Source: Unsplash When someone doesn’t believe in God, it’s not a rejection of you. Their beliefs are about their own journey, not an attack on yours. Remind yourself that their views are shaped by their experiences, just as yours are. Taking things personally can lead to unnecessary hurt or defensiveness.
9. Be honest if you don’t know the answer.
Source: Unsplash If they ask you a question about your faith that you can’t answer, it’s okay to admit it. Saying, “I don’t know, but I’ll think about it,” shows humility and honesty. You don’t have to have all the answers to have a meaningful conversation. Admitting uncertainty can even open the door to learning together.
10. Avoid stereotypes or assumptions.
Don’t assume you know why someone doesn’t believe in God. Avoid making generalisations like, “You must have had a bad experience” or “You just need more faith.” These assumptions can feel dismissive. Let them tell you their story, and respond to them as an individual, not a stereotype.
11. Respect their boundaries.
If they make it clear they don’t want to discuss beliefs, respect that boundary. Pushing the conversation when they’re not open to it can damage your relationship. You can always revisit the topic later if they’re willing. Sometimes, respect and patience speak louder than words.
12. Show kindness through your actions.
Your behaviour often speaks louder than your words. Demonstrating kindness, patience, and understanding can have a lasting impact. Sometimes, how you live your beliefs is more powerful than anything you say. Let your actions reflect your faith or values, and let that be the message they remember.
13. Be open to learning from their perspective.
Even if you don’t agree with their views, you might learn something valuable by understanding their perspective. Their experiences can offer insights into different ways of thinking, and being open doesn’t weaken your beliefs; it strengthens your ability to connect with people. Learning from each other creates mutual respect.
14. Offer empathy, not judgment.
If someone doesn’t believe in God, they may have their own struggles or questions about faith. Responding with empathy instead of judgment shows compassion. You can say, “I understand that this is something you’ve thought deeply about.” A little empathy can go a long way in keeping the conversation respectful and open.
15. Remember that beliefs can evolve.
People’s beliefs often change over time, including your own. What someone believes today might not be what they believe in the future. Being patient and understanding allows space for growth on both sides. A respectful conversation now might plant a seed for a deeper connection later.
16. End the conversation on a positive note.
Even if you disagree, try to end the conversation with kindness. A simple, “I appreciate you sharing your thoughts,” or, “I’m glad we could talk about this,” helps maintain mutual respect. Leaving things on a positive note shows that your relationship is more important than the disagreement.
