Mother-daughter relationships can be complicated — full of love, misunderstandings, and everything in between.
When things get tough, it can feel overwhelming, but healing is possible with time, patience, and effort. Whether things are strained because of something you’ve done or not, here are 14 steps to help get your relationship back on the right track. You’re family, after all, and life is short. You don’t want to get years down the line and regret not making things better while you could.
1. Acknowledge the problem openly.
The first step to healing is admitting there’s a problem. Ignoring the tension or brushing it under the rug only makes things worse. Sit down together and acknowledge that things haven’t been great. A simple, “I know we’ve had a tough time, and I’d like to work on it,” can open the door to honest conversation. Acceptance is the starting point for change.
2. Let go of the need to be “right.”
Sometimes, the desire to win an argument or prove a point can keep a rift alive. If you’re both clinging to your version of events, it’s hard to move forward. Focus on understanding each other instead of keeping score. Letting go of who’s “right” allows space for healing and compromise.
3. Listen without interrupting.
One of the biggest roadblocks in any difficult relationship is feeling unheard. When you sit down to talk, really listen. Let her finish speaking before you respond, and resist the urge to jump in or defend yourself immediately. Listening with patience shows respect and opens the door for deeper understanding.
4. Express your feelings calmly and honestly.
Bottling up emotions or expressing them in anger rarely helps. Instead, calmly share how you’ve been feeling. Use “I” statements like, “I felt hurt when…” instead of pointing fingers with “You always…” This way, you’re sharing your experience without making it feel like an attack.
5. Apologise if you need to.
Genuine apologies can work wonders. If you know you’ve said or done something hurtful, own it and say sorry sincerely. Even if it feels awkward, an honest apology shows maturity and willingness to repair things. It’s not about blame — it’s about taking responsibility for your part.
6. Set clear boundaries.
Sometimes, tension stems from a lack of boundaries. It’s okay to let each other know what feels acceptable and what doesn’t. Whether it’s topics you’d rather not discuss or needing time for yourself, healthy boundaries can make interactions more peaceful. Respecting each other’s limits shows love and care.
7. Focus on the present, not just the past.
Rehashing old arguments can keep you both stuck. While it’s important to acknowledge past hurts, don’t dwell on them. Focus on how you can build a better relationship now. Sometimes, a fresh start means letting go of old grudges and giving each other a chance to do better.
8. Find common ground.
Even if you disagree on many things, there’s usually something you both enjoy or value. Whether it’s a shared hobby, a favourite show, or a mutual love of coffee, spend time bonding over these commonalities. Positive shared experiences can help bridge the gap and remind you of what you still have in common.
9. Be patient with the process.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Rebuilding trust and understanding takes time and effort. Be patient with each other and the process. There will be ups and downs, but persistence is key. A step forward, no matter how small, is still progress. Allow space for growth, mistakes, and improvement.
10. Communicate regularly, even if it’s small.
You don’t need deep conversations every time you talk. Regular check-ins, even a simple text or call, help rebuild connection. Consistent communication shows that you care and are making an effort. Little moments of reaching out can slowly rebuild trust and comfort.
11. Accept each other’s differences.
You’re not the same person, and that’s okay. Different opinions, personalities, or life choices don’t have to be relationship deal-breakers. Accepting your differences without trying to change each other creates more peace. Celebrate what makes each of you unique rather than letting it divide you.
12. Create new positive memories.
Plan activities or outings that are light-hearted and fun. A day trip, a coffee date, or cooking a meal together can create new, positive memories. These experiences can balance out some of the difficult ones and give you both something to enjoy and remember fondly.
13. Consider doing family therapy if you think it might help.
Sometimes, restoring a relationship needs a little outside help. A family therapist or counsellor can provide tools and insights to help you both communicate better. Getting help doesn’t mean failure — it means you care enough to work on the relationship. A neutral party can help you navigate tough conversations more smoothly.
14. Show appreciation, even for small things.
A simple “thank you” can go a long way. Whether it’s acknowledging a kind gesture, a thoughtful text, or just making an effort, showing appreciation builds goodwill. When both of you feel valued, it becomes easier to move past hurt and build a healthier relationship.
