Just because you call someone your friend doesn’t mean they’re a good one.
Sometimes toxic people fly under the radar, and it takes being able to spot the signs to recognise what’s happening right in front of you. Here’s how you can spot a bad friend — if you notice these signs, you’re likely better off without them in your life altogether.
1. They consistently make promises they don’t keep.
A pattern of broken promises is a clear red flag. While everyone occasionally fails to follow through, a bad friend repeatedly makes commitments they don’t honour. They might promise to call, show up for an event, or help with a task, only to let you down time and again. It’s clear they don’t respect your time and feelings, and their words hold little value.
2. Their compliments are usually backhanded.
Pay attention to the nature of their compliments. A bad friend might offer praise that’s actually thinly veiled criticism or backhanded compliments. For example, “You look great today! I almost didn’t recognise you without your usual tired look.” These kinds of comments are designed to appear supportive while actually undermining your confidence. Over time, this subtle negativity can harm your self-esteem.
3. They’re overly competitive, even in non-competitive situations.
While healthy competition can be fun, a bad friend turns everything into a contest. They might try to one-up your achievements, experiences, or even your struggles. For instance, if you share a personal accomplishment, they immediately respond with a story about how they did something similar, but better. They’re more interested in proving their superiority than in celebrating your wins or supporting you.
4. They’re only available when they need something.
Notice the pattern of when they reach out to you. A bad friend might suddenly become very attentive and friendly when they need a favour, but are nowhere to be found when you need support. They might flood you with messages and calls when they’re going through a crisis, but rarely respond when you’re having a hard time. Such a one-sided dynamic indicates that they view the friendship as a resource to be used rather than a mutual bond.
5. They frequently use guilt as a tool of manipulation.
A bad friend often employs guilt to control your actions or decisions. They might say things like, “If you were really my friend, you would…” or “After all I’ve done for you, you can’t even do this one thing?” This is emotional manipulation, and it’s designed to make you feel obligated to them, even when their requests are unreasonable. It’s a tactic that prioritises their wants over your boundaries and well-being.
6. They consistently dominate conversations with their own issues.
While it’s normal for friends to share their problems, a bad friend monopolises every conversation with their own concerns. They might interrupt your stories to redirect the focus to themselves, or show little interest when you’re speaking. It’s clear they have a lack of empathy, and they view you more as an audience than a friend. Over time, this can leave you feeling unheard and undervalued in the relationship.
7. They’re quick to criticise but slow to apologise.
Watch for how they handle conflicts or mistakes. A bad friend is often eager to point out your flaws or mistakes, but rarely acknowledges their own. When confronted about their behaviour, they get defensive, deflect blame, or refuse to apologise. Their unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions can make it difficult to resolve issues and maintain a healthy friendship.
8. They share your personal business without permission.
Trust is fundamental in any friendship, and a bad friend often violates this trust by sharing your private information. They might disclose personal details you’ve confided in them, share your secrets with other people, or discuss your private matters in public settings. Betraying your confidence not only demonstrates a lack of respect for your privacy but also suggests they value gossip or attention more than your trust.
9. They’re unsupportive of your growth or success.
A good friend celebrates your achievements and supports your personal growth. In contrast, a bad friend might react with indifference, jealousy, or even try to undermine your progress. They might make dismissive comments about your goals, discourage you from taking on new challenges, or try to convince you that you’re incapable of succeeding. It’s down to their own insecurities and can hold you back from reaching your full potential.
10. They regularly cancel plans at the last minute.
While occasional cancellations are understandable, a bad friend makes it a habit. They might regularly bail on plans at the last minute, often with flimsy excuses. Not only do they lack respect for the time and effort you put in to making plans, but they don’t value your company as much as they should. Over time, their unreliability can lead to frustration and a sense that the friendship is not a priority for them.
11. They often make jokes at your expense.
Humour can be a tricky area in friendships, but a bad friend consistently crosses the line. They might make jokes that target your insecurities, mock your aspirations, or ridicule you in front of other people. When confronted, they often dismiss your feelings with phrases like “Can’t you take a joke?” or “You’re too sensitive.” In doing this, they not only undermine your self-esteem but create an uncomfortable dynamic where you feel you can’t express your true feelings without being ridiculed.
12. They’re resistant to addressing issues in the friendship.
A healthy friendship involves open communication and a willingness to work through problems. A bad friend, however, might become defensive or evasive when you try to discuss issues in your relationship. They might dismiss your concerns, change the subject, or turn the conversation around to blame you. Their unwillingness to engage in honest dialogue makes it nearly impossible to resolve conflicts or improve the friendship. It suggests that they’re either unaware of their negative impact or unwilling to put in the effort to change.
