Some people really aren’t what they seem on the surface.
The sad part is, sometimes you don’t discover this until too late — you’ve let them into your life, and they’ve hurt you in some way, and all of that could have been avoided if only you knew what you were looking for. As it turns out, there are plenty of red flags that give away these wolves in sheep’s clothing. If you notice these, proceed with caution.
1. They’re all talk, no action.
These people are full of big promises and grand plans, but they never seem to follow through. They’ll talk your ear off about what they’re going to do, but when it comes time to actually do it, they’re nowhere to be found. Pay attention to whether their actions match their words.
2. They’re always the victim.
No matter what happens, it’s never their fault. They’ve always got a story about how they’ve been wronged or how the world is out to get them. While everyone goes through tough times, constant victimhood is a red flag. It’s often a tactic to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
3. They’re too good to be true.
If someone seems perfect right off the bat, be wary. Real people have flaws and make mistakes. If they’re presenting themselves as flawless, they might be hiding something. Trust your gut if something feels off, even if you can’t put your finger on why.
4. They push your boundaries.
Watch out for people who consistently try to push past your comfort zone. They might pressure you to do things you’re not comfortable with or ignore your “no”. Respecting boundaries is a key part of any healthy relationship, whether personal or professional.
5. They’re inconsistent.
Their stories don’t quite add up, or their personality seems to change depending on who they’re with. This inconsistency can be a sign that they’re not being genuine. Pay attention to whether their behaviour and stories remain consistent over time and across different situations.
6. They love bombing.
Be cautious of someone who comes on too strong, too fast. Excessive flattery, constant attention, and rapid declarations of friendship or love can feel great at first, but it’s often a manipulation tactic. Genuine relationships tend to develop more gradually.
7. They’re always in crisis.
While everyone goes through rough patches, be wary of someone who’s constantly in the middle of some drama or emergency. This can be a way to manipulate other people into providing help or resources. It’s okay to be supportive, but make sure you’re not being taken advantage of.
8. They can’t handle criticism.
Watch how they react when things don’t go their way or when someone disagrees with them. If they lash out, become defensive, or turn the tables to blame other people, it could be a sign of deeper issues. Mature people can handle feedback and disagreements without becoming hostile.
9. They gossip excessively.
If someone’s always talking badly about people behind their backs, chances are they’re doing the same about you when you’re not around. Constant gossip is often a sign of insecurity and a lack of integrity. Be cautious about what information you share with these types.
10. They never apologise sincerely.
We all make mistakes, but genuine people own up to them and offer sincere apologies. Be wary of those who never seem to think they’re wrong, or who offer apologies that sound hollow or shift blame (“I’m sorry you felt that way”). A real apology acknowledges the hurt caused and shows a willingness to do better.
11. They make you doubt yourself.
Pay attention to how you feel around this person. If you often find yourself questioning your own judgment or feeling somehow “less than” when you’re with them, it could be a sign of subtle manipulation. Healthy relationships should make you feel uplifted and supported, not constantly doubting yourself.
12. They have a sense of entitlement.
Watch out for people who act like the world owes them something. They might expect special treatment or get angry when things don’t go their way. This sense of entitlement often comes with a lack of empathy for other people and can lead to manipulative behaviour.
