If you’re using dating apps to look for love, you’ll want to keep an eye out for those who aren’t as single as they claim.
While it’d be nice to assume that everyone who’s using these apps is there for the right reasons and is in a position to start a new relationship, sadly, that’s not always the case. For instance, a 2023 Tinder study found that two-thirds of users were already committed to someone else—eek! If you want to avoid all that (and honestly, why wouldn’t you?), here’s how to spot married men before you waste your time.
1. They’re vague about their availability.
If someone always seems busy or only has small windows of time to talk, it’s worth paying attention. Married men often have to work around a spouse’s schedule, which leaves them sneaking around late at night or during odd gaps in the day. They might avoid making solid plans for the future, keeping things casual to avoid committing to anything they can’t control.
When someone is truly single, they’re usually excited to fit you into their life and make space to see you. If you feel like you’re constantly dancing around their “limited availability,” it’s often because you’re not their priority, and you’re definitely not their only relationship to juggle.
2. They avoid video calls like it’s the plague.
In today’s dating world, a quick video call before meeting is completely normal. However, married men know video chats are risky—it’s harder to sneak away for a call than it is to fire off a few texts. They might say their camera is broken, claim they’re “not a video person,” or suggest weird excuses that don’t add up.
If every time you suggest FaceTiming or hopping on a call, they get squirmy or vanish, that’s a bad sign. Someone who genuinely wants to connect won’t be afraid to look you in the eye, even virtually. Reluctance to video chat isn’t about being shy. It’s usually about hiding where they are or who they’re with.
3. Their profile photos feel oddly limited.
When you’re scanning dating profiles, trust your gut if their photos seem off. Married men often only post a couple of generic selfies, and you’ll rarely see full-body shots, pictures with friends, or casual snaps that show their real day-to-day life. The fewer personal details they reveal visually, the less chance of being recognised.
Someone who’s truly available usually doesn’t think twice about sharing a few real moments—travel pics, hanging out with friends, or relaxed shots from their normal life. A bare-bones profile with suspiciously safe photos screams, “I’m hiding something,” louder than they probably realise.
4. Their bio says almost nothing, or way too much.
Profiles that are either super vague or strangely over-the-top are both worth being wary of. Married men often keep things light to avoid lying outright—think one-liners like “Ask me anything” or “Just seeing what’s out there.” Others overcompensate by writing dramatic paragraphs about wanting deep connections, hoping to seem convincing without actually offering anything real.
When someone genuinely wants a relationship, they’re usually somewhere in the middle: enough detail to show who they are, without trying to hard-sell themselves. If you read a bio and walk away knowing nothing, or feeling weirdly suspicious of how polished it sounds—trust that instinct.
5. They refuse to link social media accounts.
Apps like Hinge and Bumble encourage users to connect social accounts like Instagram or Spotify because it makes profiles feel more authentic. Married men typically avoid this like the plague because social media exposes too much, such as family photos, tagged posts, or life milestones they’re not supposed to have.
If they dodge questions about Instagram, insist they’re “not on social media much,” or seem weirdly guarded about their online life, that’s a flag. You don’t need to deep dive into their feeds, but basic transparency about who they are online is totally normal when you’re dating someone new.
6. They rush into flirting but drag their feet about plans.
Fast, intense flirting feels great at first, but it’s a classic married man move. They’ll shower you with compliments, talk about chemistry, and hint at future adventures without ever locking down a time to meet. The goal is to hook you emotionally while minimising real-world risks.
If someone acts like they’re obsessed with you but suddenly becomes impossible to pin down for a coffee date, believe what their actions are telling you. Real connection isn’t built in endless text bubbles; it moves toward real-life meetings when two people are genuinely available.
7. They dodge simple questions about their life.
Normal dating conversation eventually drifts toward things like family, work, hobbies, and weekend plans. If someone always pivots, gives half-answers, or keeps things frustratingly surface-level, it’s usually because they’re hiding something like a spouse or kids they can’t exactly mention casually.
It’s one thing to be private at first, but after a few chats, there should be a natural sharing of real-life details. If you realise you know next to nothing about their world despite regular conversation, it’s worth stepping back and questioning why everything feels so blank.
8. They have rigid texting patterns.
Pay attention to when and how they message. Married men often text during “safe” times: early mornings, work hours, or late nights when their spouse is asleep. Weekends might be suspiciously quiet, or texts may suddenly drop off at specific points in the evening without warning.
Genuine singles tend to text more freely, without disappearing at predictable times. When the conversation rhythm feels weirdly controlled, or if they claim to “fall asleep early” every Saturday night, it’s not random. It’s carefully managed behaviour to avoid getting caught.
9. They suggest private meetups way too early.
If someone pushes for low-key, private hangouts before you’ve even had a coffee in public, take it as a major sign. Married men want to avoid being seen in restaurants, coffee shops, or anywhere they might bump into someone who knows them. Inviting you over or suggesting a hotel meet-up early is all about staying hidden.
It’s totally normal to want privacy eventually, but if the first date plans are all about being “low-key” in someone’s living room, it’s not about romance, it’s about secrecy. A confident, single person won’t be scared to grab a latte with you where other people exist.
10. They refuse to take any photos with you.
If every time you pull out your phone they get jumpy or joke about being “camera shy,” be cautious. Married men live in fear of a casual snap showing up in a story or post and blowing up their double life. Even small photos for your own memories make them nervous.
While not everyone loves being photographed, there’s a difference between camera-shyness and flat-out paranoia. If they seem more concerned about covering their tracks than making memories, that’s not someone building a real relationship with you.
11. Their energy feels rushed and inconsistent.
Married men often try to speed through the early stages of emotional connection because they know they’re working with limited time. They’ll compliment heavily, talk about “deep feelings,” and even hint at a future, all while avoiding meaningful action like planning real dates.
At the same time, their attention can suddenly drop off without warning when their real life demands it. If the energy feels inconsistent—hot one minute, cold the next — it’s usually because they’re juggling more than one relationship behind the scenes.
12. They disappear and reappear with flimsy excuses.
Going suddenly silent and popping back into your messages like nothing happened is a major married man move. They might say work got crazy, they were dealing with family stuff, or they needed to “take a break from dating,” only to show up again weeks later acting like it’s normal.
Genuine singles don’t disappear mid-conversation without a real reason. If someone goes MIA without explanation and expects you to simply pick things up again, it’s a sign you’re not a priority—you’re an option they revisit when it’s convenient.
13. Your gut knows before your brain catches up.
More often than not, something inside you will feel “off” before you can logically explain it. Maybe it’s the weird schedule, the inconsistent stories, or just a nagging sense that you’re only getting part of the truth. Your intuition notices patterns that your mind hasn’t fully pieced together yet.
When you feel yourself second-guessing basic behaviour or questioning your standards early on, listen closely. Dating apps are full of people who aren’t what they seem, and trusting your gut can save you a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
