When someone purposely says something they know will get under your skin, it’s hard not to lose it right then and there.
However, people who take pleasure in triggering you aren’t worth your energy, and you definitely don’t want to stoop to their level. Instead of giving them the pleasure of a reaction, here’s how to stay calm and let their obnoxious behaviour roll right off your back.
1. Take a deep breath and count to ten.
It might sound cliché, but there’s a reason this advice has stuck around. When you feel your blood pressure rising, pause and take a few deep breaths. You’re not going to magically just calm down, but you will give yourself a moment to think before you react. Sometimes, that’s all you need to avoid saying something you’ll regret later.
2. Remember that their behaviour says more about them than you.
When someone’s trying to get a rise out of you, it’s often because they’re dealing with their own issues. Maybe they’re feeling insecure, or they’re having a rough day. Understanding this doesn’t excuse their behaviour, but it can help you take it less personally. You’re not the problem here; you’re just the unfortunate target.
3. Ask yourself if it’s worth the energy to engage.
Sometimes, the best response is no response at all. Before you jump into an argument, consider whether it’s really worth your time and energy. Will engaging actually change anything, or will it just leave you feeling drained and annoyed? If it’s not going to make a difference, it might be better to just let it go.
4. Try to see the situation from their perspective.
It’s not always easy, but try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What might be driving their behaviour? Are they feeling threatened or misunderstood? It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but understanding where they’re coming from can help you respond more calmly and effectively.
5. Use “I” statements to express how you feel.
If you do decide to respond, focus on expressing your own feelings rather than attacking the other person. Instead of saying “You’re being a jerk,” try something like “I feel hurt when you speak to me that way.” Going about it this way is less likely to make the other person defensive and can lead to a more productive conversation.
6. Set some serious boundaries and stick to them.
It’s okay to let people know when their behaviour is unacceptable. Be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate, and follow through if those boundaries are crossed. That might mean walking away from a conversation or limiting your interactions with someone who consistently tries to push your buttons.
7. Focus on what you can control.
You can’t control how other people behave, but you can control your own reactions. Instead of getting caught up in what the other person is doing, focus on managing your own emotions and responses. Shifting your perspective a bit can help you feel more empowered and less at the mercy of other people’s actions.
8. Practise self-care after stressful conversations.
Dealing with difficult people can be emotionally draining. After a tense run-in, take some time to recharge. Do something you enjoy, whether it’s going for a walk, reading a book, or watching your favourite show. Taking care of yourself can help you bounce back more quickly and be better prepared for future drama with these people.
9. Consider the long-term consequences of your actions.
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say or do things you might regret later. Before you react, think about how your response might affect your relationships, your job, or your reputation in the long run. Sometimes, reminding yourself of the bigger picture can help you keep your cool in the short term.
10. Use humour to deal with the situation.
Source: Unsplash A hilarious quip or a bit of self-deprecating humour can sometimes take the edge off a tense situation. Just be careful not to use humour in a way that belittles or mocks the other person, as this can make things worse. The goal is to lighten the mood, not to escalate the conflict. If it makes you feel better, go for it!
11. Recognise when it’s time to walk away.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation entirely. If you feel yourself losing control or if the other person is becoming abusive, it’s okay to walk away. You don’t have to win every argument or have the last word. Protecting your own mental health is more important than proving a point.
12. Learn from the experience.
Source: Unsplash After the dust has settled, take some time to reflect on what happened. What triggered you? How did you handle it? What could you do differently next time? Each tough interaction is an opportunity to learn and grow, helping you become more resilient for when hard times crop up again in the future (which they inevitably will).
