Putting on a front or pretending to be someone you’re not to impress other people is something we’ve all been guilty of at some point in our lives.
However, for most of us, we eventually realise that it doesn’t pay to be anyone but your authentic self. If you’re still struggling in this department and find yourself slipping into different roles depending on who you’re around, here’s how to stop and start simply being you.
1. Figure out why you’re putting on an act in the first place.
Before you can stop pretending, you need to understand why you’re doing it. Are you scared of rejection? Trying to fit in with a certain crowd? Or maybe you’re just not sure who you really are yet. Take some time to reflect on what’s driving your behaviour. Once you identify the root cause, you can start to address it head-on.
2. Get to know yourself better.
It sounds daft, but many of us don’t really know ourselves that well. Start paying attention to what you genuinely enjoy, what makes you laugh, what gets on your nerves. Keep a journal, try new things, and spend some time alone. The better you understand yourself, the easier it’ll be to be authentic around people.
3. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else.
Source: Unsplash Social media makes it dead easy to fall into the comparison trap. But remember, you’re only seeing people’s highlight reels, not their real lives. Focus on your own journey instead of measuring yourself against other people. Your path is unique, and that’s what makes you interesting.
4. Learn to say no without feeling guilty.
If you’re always saying yes to things you don’t really want to do, you’re not being true to yourself. It’s okay to turn down invitations or requests that don’t align with your values or interests. Practice saying no politely but firmly. People who matter will respect your boundaries.
5. Surround yourself with people who accept you as you are.
Take a good look at your social circle. Are you constantly pretending around certain people? It might be time to spend more time with those who appreciate the real you. You don’t need to cut anyone off, but prioritise relationships where you can be yourself without judgement.
6. Stop seeking approval from everyone.
It’s natural to want people to like you, but if you’re constantly changing yourself to please other people, you’ll never be happy. Remember, you can’t control what other people think of you. Focus on being someone you like and respect, rather than trying to win everyone’s approval.
7. Embrace your quirks and imperfections.
Source: Unsplash Nobody’s perfect, and trying to be is exhausting. Instead of hiding your quirks, learn to embrace them. Maybe you snort when you laugh or have an unusual hobby. These little oddities make you unique and interesting. Own them with confidence.
8. Practice expressing your real opinions.
If you’re used to agreeing with everyone, start small. Share your genuine thoughts on low-stakes topics like films or food. As you get more comfortable, you can tackle bigger issues. Remember, it’s okay to disagree respectfully — t doesn’t make you a bad person.
9. Stop apologising for being yourself.
Source: Unsplash Do you find yourself saying sorry for things that aren’t your fault? Or apologising for your opinions or feelings? Cut it out. You don’t need to apologise for existing or for being who you are. Save your sorries for when you’ve actually messed up.
10. Take risks and step out of your comfort zone.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes we pretend because we’re afraid to show our true selves. Push yourself to try new things, even if they scare you a bit. Each time you face a fear, you’ll build confidence in your authentic self. Plus, you might discover new passions you never knew you had.
11. Learn to laugh at yourself.
Taking yourself too seriously can lead to a lot of pretending. Learn to laugh at your own mistakes and awkward moments. When you can poke fun at yourself, you show other people that you’re comfortable in your own skin. It’s liberating and endearing.
12. Stop overthinking every interaction.
If you’re constantly replaying conversations in your head, worrying about what you said or how you came across, you’re probably not being your authentic self. Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to analyse your every word and action. Relax and be present in the moment.
13. Be honest about your feelings.
Bottling up your emotions or pretending to feel a certain way is a quick route to unhappiness. It’s okay to be sad, angry, or scared sometimes. Express your feelings in a healthy way. People will appreciate your honesty and vulnerability.
14. Remember that authenticity attracts authenticity.
When you start being your true self, you might lose some fair-weather friends. But you’ll also attract people who genuinely appreciate you for who you are. These authentic connections are far more rewarding than any relationship built on pretence. Trust that being yourself will lead you to your tribe.
