If you’ve been in the dating world for a while, you probably think you’re pretty good at reading people.
And hey, maybe you are! Surely, you should be able to tell by now whether someone is into you or just scared of being on their own for much longer, right? Not necessarily. Sometimes it can be hard to decide whether someone’s enthusiasm for you is genuine, or spurred on by their crippling loneliness and desire to finally be in a relationship. Here’s how you’ll know it’s the real deal.
1. They’re genuinely curious about your life and interests.
Source: Unsplash Someone who’s truly interested in you will ask thoughtful questions about your life, hobbies, and aspirations. They’ll remember details from previous conversations and follow up on them. In contrast, a person who’s just desperate for company might dominate conversations with their own issues or show little genuine curiosity about your life.
2. They respect your boundaries and personal space.
A person with genuine interest will understand and respect your need for personal space and time. They won’t become clingy or invasive. On the other hand, someone who’s desperate might push for constant contact, become upset when you’re not available, or disregard your expressed boundaries in an attempt to secure your attention.
3. Their actions align with their words.
Consistency between words and actions is a strong indicator of genuine interest. If they say they’ll call or meet up, they follow through. A desperate person might make grand promises but fail to deliver, or their actions might seem erratic and inconsistent with their expressed feelings.
4. They’re comfortable with silences and don’t force conversation.
When truly interested, a person will be comfortable sharing quiet moments with you. They don’t feel the need to fill every silence with chatter. Someone who’s desperate might talk incessantly, fearing that any lull in conversation could lead to rejection or abandonment.
5. They introduce you to their friends and family.
A person with genuine interest will want to integrate you into their life, introducing you to friends and family when the time is right. Someone who’s desperate might keep you isolated or, conversely, rush to introduce you to everyone immediately, seeking quick validation of the relationship.
6. They show interest in your growth and support your goals.
Genuine interest involves supporting your personal growth and aspirations. They’ll encourage you to pursue your goals, even if it means spending time apart. A desperate person might become threatened by your individual pursuits or try to make you overly dependent on them.
7. They’re not overly jealous or possessive.
While some jealousy can be normal, a person who’s genuinely interested will generally trust you and not exhibit excessive possessiveness. Someone who’s desperate might become unreasonably jealous, constantly needing reassurance or trying to control your interactions with other people.
8. They’re willing to have difficult conversations.
Genuine interest involves a willingness to navigate challenges together. They’ll engage in difficult conversations to strengthen the relationship. A desperate person might avoid any conflict, fearing it could lead to the end of the relationship, or become overly dramatic during disagreements.
9. They maintain their own life and interests.
Someone truly interested in you will maintain their own friendships, hobbies, and interests. They have a full life outside of your relationship. A desperate person might abandon their own pursuits, making you the sole focus of their life and potentially becoming overly dependent.
10. They’re patient with the progression of your relationship.
Genuine interest allows for natural relationship progression. They’ll be patient and won’t rush important milestones. A desperate person might push for quick commitment, saying “I love you” too soon, or pressuring for cohabitation or marriage before you’re ready.
11. They show interest in your bad days as well as your good ones.
True interest means being there for both the highs and lows. They’ll offer support during your difficult times without trying to ‘fix’ everything. Someone who’s desperate might withdraw when things get tough or become overwhelmed by your problems, seeing them as threats to the relationship.
12. They’re open about their own life, including their flaws.
Genuine interest involves vulnerability and honesty. They’ll share their own struggles and imperfections. A desperate person might present an overly perfect image of themselves or, conversely, overwhelm you with their problems in an attempt to create a false sense of intimacy.
13. They appreciate your quirks and individuality.
Someone truly interested will appreciate your unique traits and quirks, even the ones that aren’t conventionally attractive. They see you as an individual. A desperate person might overlook your individuality, more focused on having a relationship than on who you really are.
14. They give you space to miss them.
Genuine interest involves understanding the value of occasional separation. They’re secure enough to spend time apart, allowing you both to miss and appreciate each other. Someone desperate might struggle with any form of separation, constantly chasing validation and presence to alleviate their fear of being alone.
