Learning to trust someone new isn’t easy, especially when you’ve been betrayed before.
You don’t want to be hurt again or misplace your faith in someone, but you also know you can’t go through the rest of your life being sceptical of everyone, or else you’ll never experience the joy of connection and closeness. If you’re struggling to let someone into your heart, here are some tips that might make it easier.
1. Take it one step at a time.
When you’ve been hurt before, rushing into trust can feel overwhelming. Instead of jumping in all at once, try taking it slowly—let them earn your trust in small ways. Each positive experience builds confidence, showing you that trust doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing situation. Trust grows over time, and taking it slow can feel safer.
2. Be honest about your trust issues.
Letting someone know you’ve been hurt before can be intimidating, but a good person will understand and be patient. Sharing that you find it hard to trust shows vulnerability, which can actually build connection. Honesty can help them understand why you might seem hesitant. When they know where you’re coming from, they’re more likely to meet you with kindness and respect.
3. Focus on their actions, not just words.
Anyone can say the right things, but actions often speak louder. Pay attention to how they show up, follow through, and handle conflict. Watching their behaviour can give you a better idea of whether they’re trustworthy. Actions build trust, so noticing consistency helps you feel more comfortable over time.
4. Set and respect boundaries.
Boundaries are essential, especially if trust has been an issue in the past. Let them know your limits and respect theirs, too. Healthy boundaries create a safe space where trust can grow naturally. A partner who respects boundaries is often one who respects you, and that’s a strong foundation for trust.
5. Don’t ignore red flags.
If something feels off, listen to that feeling. Trust issues don’t mean you’re overly cautious—sometimes they’re a reminder to stay aware. If they dismiss your feelings or aren’t respectful, it’s okay to pull back. Paying attention to red flags can help you avoid repeating painful patterns.
6. Allow yourself to be vulnerable gradually.
Being vulnerable after trust has been broken isn’t easy, but letting your guard down a little at a time can help. Share small things at first to see how they respond, building confidence each time. Vulnerability doesn’t have to mean jumping into deep emotions right away. Opening up bit by bit lets trust grow in a way that feels manageable.
7. Don’t compare them to your past.
It’s tempting to assume they’ll hurt you the way someone else did, but everyone deserves a clean slate. Reminding yourself that they’re a different person can help ease the anxiety. When you let go of comparisons, it’s easier to see them for who they are. Having a fresh perspective makes it easier to build trust without baggage.
8. Recognise that trust-building is a two-way street.
Trust isn’t just about you trusting them—it’s about them showing you they’re trustworthy, too. If they’re patient and understanding, it shows they value the connection and your comfort. Seeing trust as something you build together makes it feel more balanced. A two-way effort feels safer and more genuine.
9. Remind yourself of your strengths.
Trusting someone again can feel like giving away all the power, but you’re stronger than you realise. Remind yourself of times you’ve got through hard things. Knowing you can handle whatever happens makes trust feel less risky. Trust isn’t about losing control; it’s about sharing your life with someone while knowing you can stand on your own.
10. Accept that mistakes might happen.
No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes—including you. Accepting that small missteps are part of life can help you avoid being overly critical. Trust isn’t about perfection; it’s about how you handle issues together. Forgiving small mistakes can actually strengthen trust over time.
11. Practice self-compassion.
If you’re hard on yourself for having trust issues, it only makes it harder to open up. Trust takes time, and it’s okay to feel cautious. Being kind to yourself helps you accept where you are without pressure. Trusting yourself first can make trusting someone else a little easier.
12. Look for consistency over time.
People can seem trustworthy at first, but consistency reveals their true character. Notice if they follow through on what they say and if their behaviour matches their words over time. Consistency is one of the best ways to build genuine trust. The longer they show up, the easier it becomes to trust them fully.
13. Avoid testing them.
It’s tempting to “test” someone to see if they’re trustworthy, but setting traps can actually damage trust. Letting things unfold naturally is more effective than creating tests. Trust-building is healthier when it’s genuine, not forced. Real trust grows without manipulation.
14. Be willing to let go if needed.
It’s okay to admit if someone isn’t trustworthy, even if it’s disappointing. Knowing that you’re willing to walk away gives you the strength to stay true to yourself. Trusting someone new doesn’t mean tolerating bad behaviour. This mindset helps you enter new relationships with a sense of self-respect.
15. Celebrate small wins in trust.
Notice each time they do something that makes you feel a bit more comfortable. Whether it’s showing up when they said they would or listening deeply, these moments matter. Acknowledging these small steps builds confidence in the relationship. Step-by-step, these little wins show that trust is something real and achievable.
16. Trust your instincts.
Your intuition is there to guide you, so if something feels genuinely right, it’s okay to lean into that. Learning to trust someone else often starts with trusting yourself. Your instincts are worth listening to—they’re there for a reason. Self-trust is the foundation that makes all other trust possible.
17. Allow the relationship to evolve naturally.
Trust doesn’t need to happen overnight; it’s okay to let things grow at their own pace. When you allow trust to build gradually, it feels more stable and genuine. Letting things unfold naturally creates a foundation of trust that’s built to last. Patience with yourself and the relationship helps trust become something real.
