The way people present themselves isn’t always a reflection of who they really are beneath the surface.
No matter how much someone insists they’re a great person, actions speak louder than words, as they say, and their behaviour soon gives them away. Here are some things people do that show they’re not as amazing as they initially portrayed themselves to be.
1. They only reach out when they need something from you.
Source: Unsplash Ever notice how some people only pop up in your messages when they want a favour? It’s a classic sign of someone who sees relationships as transactional. They might shower you with compliments or act overly friendly, but their true colours show when they disappear as soon as they’ve got what they wanted.
2. They constantly put people down to make themselves look better.
Pay attention to how they talk about other people. If they’re always criticising or belittling people, especially behind their backs, it’s a red flag. This behaviour often stems from insecurity and a need to feel superior. It’s not just unkind – it’s a sign they might do the same to you when you’re not around.
3. They never admit when they’re wrong.
We all make mistakes, but some people find it impossible to own up to theirs. They’ll twist facts, point the finger, or flat-out deny reality rather than admit they were wrong/at fault. This unwillingness to take responsibility shows a lack of maturity and self-awareness that can make any relationship difficult.
4. They’re always the victim in their stories.
If every tale they tell paints them as the helpless victim of circumstances or other people’s actions, be wary. While everyone faces challenges, constantly playing the victim card suggests they struggle to take responsibility for their life. It can be emotionally draining for those around them.
5. They gossip non-stop about anyone and everyone.
A bit of gossip is normal, but if someone’s always got the latest dirt on everyone, it’s not a good sign. Not only does it show a lack of respect for other people’s privacy, but it also suggests they’re untrustworthy. After all, if they’re sharing everyone else’s secrets, what’s stopping them from sharing yours?
6. They’re nice to you, but rude to service staff.
How someone treats people they perceive as ‘beneath’ them says a lot about their character. If they’re charming to you but snap at waiters or shop assistants, it reveals a lack of respect and empathy. It’s often a sign of how they’ll treat you once they get comfortable.
7. They can’t handle criticism, even when it’s constructive.
Everyone has room for improvement, but some people react badly to any form of criticism. They might lash out, sulk, or dismiss valid points outright. So much defensiveness often masks deep-seated insecurities and can make it hard for them to grow or maintain healthy relationships.
8. They’re always competing, even in friendships.
Friendly competition can be fun, but if someone’s always trying to one-up you or can’t celebrate your successes, it’s a problem. This constant need to ‘win’ in relationships shows insecurity and a lack of genuine care for anyone but themselves.
9. They make promises they don’t keep.
Actions speak louder than words, and some people’s actions never match their grand promises. Whether it’s cancelling plans at the last minute or failing to follow through on commitments, this behaviour shows a lack of respect for other people’s time and feelings.
10. They’re overly secretive about small things.
While everyone’s entitled to privacy, excessive secrecy about mundane matters can be a red flag. If they’re cagey about where they’ve been or who they’ve been talking to, it might indicate they’ve got something to hide. Trust is crucial in any relationship, and this behaviour can quickly destroy it.
11. They never apologise sincerely.
A genuine apology shows maturity and empathy. If someone’s apologies always come with excuses or feel insincere, it suggests they’re more concerned with avoiding consequences than understanding how their actions affect other people. It’s a sign they might struggle with emotional intelligence.
12. They treat your boundaries like suggestions.
Respecting boundaries is crucial in any relationship. If someone consistently pushes or ignores the limits you’ve set, it shows a fundamental lack of respect for you as an individual. It’s a clear sign that they prioritise their wants over your comfort and well-being.
13. They’re inconsistent in their behaviour towards you.
One day, they’re your best mate, the next they’re cold and distant. This hot-and-cold behaviour can be confusing and hurtful. It often indicates someone who’s either manipulative or struggling with their own emotional issues. Either way, it’s not a foundation for a healthy relationship.
14. They never show genuine interest in your life.
Conversations with them feel one-sided, always revolving around their issues or interests. They might nod along when you speak, but never ask follow-up questions or remember details you’ve shared. Their self-centredness reveals a lack of true care or empathy for other people.
15. They’re always looking for shortcuts, even if it means bending rules.
While efficiency is great, constantly trying to game the system or cheat their way ahead shows a questionable moral compass. It might seem harmless when it doesn’t affect you directly, but it’s a sign they might not hesitate to cross ethical lines in other areas of life.
16. They dismiss your feelings or experiences.
When you share something important to you, they brush it off or tell you why you shouldn’t feel that way. This dismissive attitude shows a lack of empathy and respect for your emotional experiences. It can leave you feeling invalidated and unheard in the relationship.
17. They’re overly possessive or controlling.
It might start subtly – questioning who you’re texting or getting jealous over innocent interactions. But this behaviour often escalates, revealing deep-seated insecurity and a need for control. It’s not just unhealthy; it can be the first sign of a toxic or abusive dynamic.
18. They can’t handle not being the centre of attention.
In group settings, they always find a way to steer conversations back to themselves. If the spotlight shifts, they might become moody or disruptive. Their constant need for attention suggests they’re more interested in stroking their ego than building genuine connections.
19. They’re quick to judge but slow to help.
They’ve got plenty to say about how other people should live their lives, but when it comes to actually lending a hand, they’re nowhere to be found. The disconnect between their words and actions reveals a lack of compassion and a tendency towards hypocrisy.
