Ever wondered if you have a knack for emotional manipulation?
There’s no sense denying it — we all have a bit of it in us. But sometimes, we might be using it without even realising it, and it can really mess up our relationships. Emotional manipulation isn’t always as obvious as it seems, but certain behaviours can hint at its presence. If you do these things, you need to stop and reassess your actions.
1. You refuse to acknowledge your mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes, it’s part of being human. However, if you find yourself constantly deflecting blame onto other people or rationalising your actions instead of owning up to your errors, it could be a red flag. Refusing to take responsibility doesn’t make you stronger; it can alienate people and build resentment over time.
2. You use guilt as a weapon.
“If you really loved me, you’d do this for me.” Sound familiar? Using guilt trips to get your way is a classic manipulation tactic. It exploits someone’s emotions, making them feel obligated to comply with your wishes out of fear of disappointing you. While it might be effective in the short term, it ultimately destroys trust and breeds resentment in the long run.
3. You brush off or downplay people’s feelings.
Statements like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not that big of a deal” can be dismissive and invalidating. When you downplay someone’s emotions, you’re essentially telling them that their feelings are not valid. This can be incredibly hurtful and damaging, as it creates an environment where people feel they can’t express themselves openly without being judged or dismissed.
4. You play the victim card.
Everyone faces challenges, but if you constantly cast yourself as the victim in every situation, it might be a sign of manipulation. By portraying yourself as helpless or unfairly treated, you subtly shift the blame onto other people and evoke their sympathy, which can then be used to your advantage. Remember, taking ownership of your role in situations is a sign of emotional maturity.
5. You compare your partner to other people.
“Why can’t you be more like [insert name]?” Comparing your partner to anyone else is a toxic tactic that knocks their self-esteem. It creates insecurity and a sense of inadequacy, as they constantly feel like they’re not good enough. Instead of focusing on comparisons, try appreciating your partner for who they are and communicating your needs in a healthy way.
6. You make promises you don’t intend to keep.
Making empty promises is a manipulative way to gain trust or manipulate someone’s behaviour. It might seem harmless in the moment, but when these promises consistently go unfulfilled, it can lead to deep disappointment and resentment. Trust is built on consistency, and breaking promises repeatedly can severely damage your relationships.
7. You give backhanded compliments.
“You look great for your age” or “That’s impressive for someone with no experience.” These seemingly positive comments often have a hidden sting. Backhanded compliments are a sneaky way to put someone down while appearing polite. They can create confusion and hurt, as the recipient struggles to decipher the true intent behind the words.
8. You’re overly passive-aggressive.
Passive-aggression is a way of expressing anger or frustration indirectly, often through sarcasm, backhanded comments, or withholding affection. It might seem like a safer option than confrontation, but it creates a toxic environment of unspoken resentment and tension. Learning to communicate your feelings openly and honestly can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
9. You use the silent treatment.
Refusing to communicate or acknowledge someone is a form of emotional manipulation. It’s a way of punishing them for something they’ve done or said, leaving them feeling isolated and anxious. While taking a break from a heated discussion can be healthy, using silence as a weapon to control or punish someone is not. Open communication, even when it’s difficult, is crucial for building healthy relationships.
10. You twist the narrative to suit your needs.
If you find yourself frequently retelling stories in a way that paints you in a positive light, even if it means omitting or exaggerating details, it’s worth examining. Twisting the narrative to avoid taking responsibility or to make yourself look better can be manipulative. Honesty and taking ownership of your actions are essential for building trust and maintaining healthy relationships.
11. You play on people’s insecurities.
If you know someone’s vulnerabilities and use them to your advantage, it’s a clear sign of manipulation. This could involve making subtle comments that undermine their confidence or using their fears to control their behaviour. Building genuine connections is about supporting and uplifting each other, not exploiting weaknesses for personal gain.
12. You make people feel guilty for having boundaries.
If someone sets a boundary, respecting it is crucial. Manipulators, however, often try to make the other person feel guilty for having limits. They might say things like, “If you really cared about me, you’d make an exception” or “You’re being selfish.” Remember, setting boundaries is healthy and necessary, and no one should be made to feel bad for doing so.
13. You constantly need validation and reassurance.
While wanting reassurance from loved ones occasionally is normal, constantly needing validation can be a sign of manipulation. If you frequently fish for compliments or reassurance, it might be a way of controlling the conversation and ensuring the focus remains on you. It’s important to cultivate a sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely solely on external validation.
14. You use gaslighting tactics.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that involves making someone doubt their own sanity or perception of reality. It often involves denying their experiences, minimising their feelings, or even outright lying to them. If you find yourself questioning your own memory or reality due to someone else’s words or actions, it’s important to ask for support and trust your instincts.
15. You turn the tables during disagreements.
When confronted about your behaviour or actions, do you immediately shift the focus back onto the other person? This is a classic manipulation tactic that avoids accountability. Instead of addressing the issue at hand, you deflect blame, bring up past grievances, or make accusations, effectively derailing the conversation and leaving the other person feeling frustrated and unheard.
16. You isolate people from their loved ones.
Manipulators often try to control their partners or friends by isolating them from their support systems. This could involve discouraging them from seeing family and friends, criticising their loved ones, or even creating conflicts to drive a wedge between them. Isolation makes people more vulnerable and dependent, which can make them easier to control.
17. You have difficulty apologising sincerely.
Apologising can be hard, but it’s a crucial part of healthy relationships. Manipulators often struggle with genuine apologies. They might say “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of taking responsibility for their actions, or they might apologise but then repeat the same behaviour. A sincere apology involves acknowledging your mistake, expressing remorse, and making amends.
18. You thrive on drama and chaos.
Manipulators often create or escalate conflicts to keep people off balance and maintain control. They might start rumours, pit people against each other, or create unnecessary drama. This chaotic environment keeps the focus on them and makes it easier to manipulate those around them who are struggling to navigate the constant turmoil. If you find yourself constantly surrounded by drama, it’s important to step back and assess whether you might be playing a role in creating or perpetuating it.
