Wanting to be liked is human—anyone who insists they don’t care is probably lying at least a little.
However, sometimes it’s all too easy to slip into patterns that aren’t about genuine connection anymore—they’re about trying to win approval like it’s a full-time job. If you spot yourself in some of these habits, it might be time to pull back and remember: real respect doesn’t come from bending yourself out of shape to keep everyone happy. You might be going a bit overboard trying to get people on side, and it’s only a matter of time before it backfires on you (if it hasn’t already).
1. You apologise constantly, even when you clearly didn’t do anything wrong.
Saying sorry when you genuinely mess up shows emotional maturity. But if you’re apologising for existing, for taking up space, or for having a basic opinion, that’s not about manners anymore—that’s about shrinking yourself to stay likeable. It can make you seem unsure of yourself, and over time, it quietly eats away at your own sense of worth. You don’t need to pre-emptively apologise for being human.
2. You laugh at jokes you don’t actually find funny.
There’s polite chuckling, and then there’s full-on fake laughing just to make people feel good. If you find yourself cracking up at stuff that actually irritates or bores you, it’s probably not about the joke. It’s about wanting to be seen as easygoing at all costs. Real connections don’t require a performance. You’re allowed to have a different sense of humour without losing your likeability badge.
3. You never disagree, even when you want to.
Nodding along with everything someone says doesn’t make you agreeable—it makes you invisible. If you’re constantly suppressing your real opinions to stay in people’s good books, you’re not actually being yourself around them. Agreeing with everything might feel safe short-term, but it often leaves you feeling hollow afterwards. Real respect grows from honesty, not automatic agreement.
4. You change your personality depending on who you’re with.
Adapting a little to fit the vibe of a room is normal. But if you find yourself shape-shifting so much that you barely recognise yourself anymore, it’s a sign you’re working way too hard to be accepted. Authenticity doesn’t mean being rigid. It means letting the core of who you are stay steady, no matter what room you walk into. People who actually click with you won’t need you to play dress-up with your own identity.
5. You over-explain yourself constantly.
It’s one thing to clarify a decision; it’s another to give people your full mental PowerPoint every time you set a boundary, say no, or make a simple choice. Over-explaining often comes from fear—fear of being judged, misunderstood, or disliked. You don’t owe everyone a novel’s worth of justification for living your life. A simple, “No, thanks” is complete all by itself.
6. You can’t handle the thought of someone being annoyed at you.
Source: Unsplash Conflict—even minor, imagined conflict—feels like a full-body emergency. If you sense someone’s even slightly irritated, you rush to fix it, explain it, or smooth it over, even if you weren’t really the problem. Wanting peace is one thing. Needing constant approval to feel okay is another. You’re not responsible for managing everyone else’s emotions 24/7.
7. You say yes even when you’re screaming no inside.
Whether it’s agreeing to plans you dread or taking on tasks you hate, saying yes when you mean no is one of the clearest signs you’re stuck in approval-seeking mode. It feels easier in the moment—but it breeds resentment fast. Your time, your energy, and your sanity are too important to spend on people-pleasing autopilot. Every no you say to something draining is a yes to something better.
8. You over-give in hopes of earning affection.
Helping people can be beautiful, but when you’re doing it to buy love, acceptance, or loyalty, it’s exhausting—and it rarely works the way you hope it will. People who value you for what you do for them, not who you are, aren’t real connections. You don’t have to keep performing emotional labour to stay worthy in someone’s eyes.
9. You avoid setting boundaries because you’re afraid of seeming rude.
Somewhere along the way, a lot of people learn that saying “no” or “that doesn’t work for me” equals being mean. So they stretch themselves thin to avoid any chance of disappointing someone. But here’s the thing: people who are truly worth having in your life respect boundaries. If someone sees your limits as an insult, they were never really respecting you to begin with.
10. You agree to things before even thinking about whether you want to.
Source: Unsplash If you’re reflexively saying “sure!” or “yeah, no problem!” before you’ve even processed the request, that’s not generosity—that’s survival mode people-pleasing at work. It’s okay to say, “Let me check and get back to you.” Giving yourself space to make choices rather than reacting instantly helps you move from panic to self-respect.
11. You water yourself down so you’re easier to digest.
Source: Unsplash Maybe you stop sharing your big ideas. Maybe you stop mentioning the things you’re passionate about because you don’t want to seem “too much.” Either way, you’re shrinking yourself to fit into someone else’s comfort zone. However, dulling yourself down doesn’t make you more loveable. It just makes you lonelier. Real connection happens when you show up fully, not halfway.
12. You replay conversations obsessively, wondering if you said the “wrong” thing.
If you lie awake analysing every word you said in a meeting, a text, or a dinner chat, it’s probably not because you actually messed up. It’s because you’re terrified of being seen as unlikeable or awkward. Most people aren’t picking apart your every word. They’re too busy thinking about themselves. You don’t need to live your life in constant post-conversation analysis mode.
13. You’re terrified of making anyone uncomfortable, even for a second.
Small discomforts are part of real relationships. They’re how we grow, how we understand each other, and how we figure out where the real connection is. Avoiding all discomfort keeps everything shallow and scripted. Trying to curate every interaction so no one ever feels weird, sad, or challenged is a recipe for exhaustion. Real bonds can survive a little awkwardness, and often need it to grow.
14. You put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own by default.
Being thoughtful is wonderful, but when you automatically rank everyone else’s comfort above your own, even when it hurts you, it stops being kindness—it becomes self-erasure. You deserve to be part of the equation. You don’t have to burn yourself out just to make sure everyone else stays warm.
15. You feel guilty when you prioritise yourself.
Taking a day off, declining an invite, setting a limit—you know these are healthy moves, but they still make you feel selfish or guilty deep down. That’s people-pleasing residue talking, not reality. You’re not selfish for taking care of yourself. You’re not rude for needing space. Prioritising your own wellbeing isn’t a betrayal; it’s a necessary act of self-trust.
