No matter how confident you are, everyone has times when we feel like we’re falling behind.
Social media makes this a lot worse, of course, but it’s also just part of the human condition. We think everyone else is doing so much better than we are, when in reality, we’re all just trying to figure things out and make our way through life. If you’re sick of feeling like a failure, here are some steps to take. Believe me, I’m still trying to master all of these myself!
1. Stop comparing your life to everyone else’s.
Who cares if someone got married at 25 or became the CEO of a massive company at 30? You have no idea what the circumstances in their life are and how they got there — and it ultimately doesn’t matter. No two paths are identical, and just because yours takes some different twists and turns doesn’t mean it won’t turn out to be equally as amazing. Focus on yourself rather than what everyone else is doing. (Easier said than done, I know!)
2. Let go of the past, once and for all.
Everyone makes mistakes, but dwelling on ancient history won’t accomplish anything but making you feel rubbish and holding you back in life. Accept that you’re human and that you’ll mess up sometimes. Learn the lessons your mistakes can teach you, vow to do better in the future, and move on. You’ll be much happier.
3. Stop talking to yourself like dirt.
Source: Unsplash The way you talk to yourself matters. If you’re constantly putting yourself down or focusing on your flaws, it’s no wonder you feel like a failure. If you wouldn’t talk to your friends (or let anyone else talk to your friends) the way you talk to yourself, it’s clear there’s a problem here. Be your own best ally and offer yourself a bit of compassion and grace.
4. Stop setting unrealistic expectations for yourself.
Setting the bar too high can set you up for disappointment. That’s not to say that you should underestimate yourself or not shoot for the stars, but you should break things down into more manageable and realistic chunks so that you’re not expecting yourself to go from zero to 100 overnight — and feeling devastated when it doesn’t happen.
5. Stop expecting other people to validate and reassure you all the time.
Source: Unsplash Your worth doesn’t depend on anyone else’s approval, and the sooner you realise that, the happier you’ll be. Relying on everyone else to make you feel good about your life and your choices is only going to make you feel insecure when it doesn’t come. Focus on building your own self-esteem and recognising your inherent value, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
6. Stop procrastinating and start actually working toward your goals.
Source: Unsplash Procrastination might stave off anxiety in the immediate, but it only makes you feel guilty, ashamed, and stuck in the end. If you know what you want, start putting together a concrete plan of how to get there, and then get going. Even the smallest bit of progress is better than none at all.
7. Stop focusing on what you don’t have and appreciate what you do.
Source: Unsplash It sounds a bit new age-y, I know, but gratitude practises are no joke! Recognising how lucky you are to have so many wonderful things/people in your life makes you realise that you’re not doing so bad, after all. It’s hard to feel like a failure when you consider all the abundance in your life.
8. Stop surrounding yourself with negative people.
Source: Unsplash The company you keep can have a massive impact on your mental health. If you’re surrounded by people who constantly complain, criticise, or bring you down, it’s time to re-evaluate those relationships. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who actually make you feel good about yourself and life in general. You’ll be shocked at what a difference it makes to your mindset.
9. Start to see failure as the learning opportunity it actually is.
Source: Unsplash Failure is not the opposite of success; it’s a vital step on the way there. There’s literally no one at the top of their field who didn’t hear ‘no’ more than a few times along the way. Don’t see a single closed door as the end of the road — learn and improve from your failures, then use them to propel you forward. Once you do this, you’re golden.
10. Instead of looking for perfection, focus on progress instead.
Source: Unsplash Perfection is an illusion — it literally doesn’t exist, and insisting on it will just leave you frustrated, anxious, and feeling like nothing you do is ever good enough. Focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small, and acknowledge the effort you’re putting in.
11. Avoid dwelling on what you can’t control and focus on what you can.
Source: Unsplash There are many things in life that are beyond our control. Worrying about them or trying to change them is utterly pointless. Focus on the things you can control, such as your behaviour, your attitude, and your choices. Take ownership of your life and make positive changes where you can.
12. Stop isolating yourself and connect with supportive people.
Source: Unsplash When you’re feeling down or like a failure, it’s easy to withdraw and isolate yourself, but getting out there and connecting people will do a world of good in alleviating those feelings. Reach out to friends, family, or even a therapist. Talk about how you’re feeling and get some much-needed support from those who care about you. It really will help.
13. Don’t get caught up on timing.
Source: Unsplash There will never be a perfect time to start going after your goals or making changes in your life. Don’t wait for the ideal circumstances or for everything to be perfectly aligned because that may never happen and your whole life will pass you by in the meantime. Take action now, even if it’s imperfect or messy.
14. Celebrate your uniqueness and embrace your individuality.
Source: Unsplash You’re one-of-a-kind, and that’s something to be celebrated. Embrace your quirks, your passions, and your unique perspective on the world. Don’t try to fit into a mould or be someone you’re not. Your individuality is your superpower.
