The ability not just to be okay on your own, but to truly enjoy your own company, is an underrated skill that a lot of people still haven’t mastered.
Many people find solitude challenging, even anxiety-inducing, but this discomfort often stems from deeply ingrained beliefs and misconceptions about what it means to be alone. If you’re someone who truly hates solo time, it could be because of these ideas you have in your head that simply aren’t true.
1. You think being alone means you’re unloved.
Source: Unsplash Equating love with constant companionship is the problem here. You might feel that if you were truly loved, someone would always be there with you. However, this overlooks the fact that healthy relationships involve a balance of togetherness and independence. Being alone doesn’t negate the love people have for you; it simply means you’re experiencing a moment of quiet. Love exists even when people aren’t physically present, and alone can actually strengthen your appreciation for the relationships in your life.
2. You believe your worth is determined by your social calendar.
If you measure your value by how busy your social life is, being alone can feel like a failure. You might worry that an empty calendar reflects poorly on you as a person, which can drive you to overcommit to social engagements, even when you’re exhausted or uninterested. Your worth isn’t determined by how many invitations you receive or accept. A rich inner life and the ability to enjoy your own company are equally valuable traits that can contribute hugely to your overall wellness.
3. You think being alone means missing out.
The fear of missing out, often abbreviated as FOMO, can make alone time feel like a punishment. You might worry that while you’re by yourself, other people are having amazing experiences without you. This can lead to constant anxiety and an inability to enjoy the present moment. However, no one can be everywhere at once, and that time alone often provides unique opportunities for personal growth and reflection that you might miss if you were always socialising.
4. You associate solitude with loneliness.
Many people confuse being alone with feeling lonely, but these are two distinct experiences. Solitude is a physical state of being by oneself, while loneliness is an emotional response that can occur even in a crowd. By automatically equating the two, you might avoid alone time at all costs, missing out on its potential benefits. Learning to differentiate between solitude and loneliness can help you appreciate moments of solitude as opportunities for self-reflection, creativity, and relaxation, rather than viewing them as inherently negative experiences.
5. You think constant companionship is the key to happiness.
If you believe that happiness can only be found when you’re with other people, being alone might feel like a state to be avoided at all costs. This can lead to dependency on people for your emotional well-being and a fear of being left alone. However, true happiness comes from a balance of fulfilling relationships and a strong sense of self. Learning to find joy and contentment in your own company can actually enhance your overall happiness and make your relationships more meaningful, since you’re not relying solely on other people to meet all your emotional needs.
6. You believe productive time is the only valuable time.
Thanks to the pressure to be constantly hustling, there’s often pressure to be productive at all times. If you believe this, you might feel guilty or anxious during moments of quiet that aren’t filled with tasks or achievements. This can make it difficult to truly relax and enjoy being alone. Rest and reflection are vital for overall well-being and can actually enhance productivity in the long run. Allowing yourself unstructured alone time can lead to increased creativity, better problem-solving skills, and improved mental health.
7. You think being alone means you’re antisocial.
There’s a common misconception that enjoying solitude equates to being antisocial or unfriendly. You might force yourself into social situations even when you crave alone time, worrying that people will judge you negatively. However, the ability to enjoy your own company is actually a sign of emotional maturity and self-awareness. It’s possible to be a social person who also values and enjoys solitude. Knowing this can help you strike a healthy balance between social interaction and alone time, without feeling guilty about either.
8. You believe self-worth comes from external validation.
If you’ve tied your self-esteem to the approval and attention you receive from other people, being alone can feel threatening. Without constant feedback and validation from people around you, you might struggle to maintain a positive self-image. This can make being alone feel uncomfortable or even anxiety-inducing. However, true self-worth comes from within and isn’t dependent on other people’s opinions. Learning to validate yourself and appreciate your own qualities can make alone time an opportunity for self-affirmation rather than a source of insecurity.
9. You think being alone means you’re a failure at relationships.
This often stems from societal pressure to be in a romantic relationship or to have a large social circle. You might feel that spending time alone is a reflection of your inability to maintain connections with people. However, this perspective overlooks the importance of quality over quantity in relationships. Being comfortable alone is actually a sign of emotional maturity and can lead to healthier, more balanced relationships. Everyone needs alone time, regardless of their relationship status.
10. You believe your thoughts are too overwhelming to face alone.
Source: Unsplash If you find your own thoughts intimidating or distressing, you might avoid being alone to escape them. This can result in constant distraction-seeking behaviour, whether through social media, television, or always being around people. While it’s normal to have challenging thoughts, avoiding them only reinforces their power over you. Learning to sit with your thoughts, even the uncomfortable ones, can be a transformative experience. It allows you to process emotions, gain insights, and develop resilience, ultimately leading to better mental health and self-understanding.
11. You think silence is uncomfortable and needs to be filled.
In a world filled with constant noise and stimulation, silence can feel unsettling if you’re not used to it. You might believe that quiet moments need to be filled with conversation, music, or some form of entertainment. This discomfort with silence can make being alone feel anxiety-inducing. However, embracing silence can be incredibly beneficial for mental clarity, stress reduction, and creativity. Learning to appreciate quiet moments can transform your alone time from something to be endured into a peaceful experience.
12. You believe you’re boring without other people around.
If you’ve internalised the belief that you’re only interesting in relation to other people, being alone might feel like losing a part of your identity. You might worry that without people around, you have nothing valuable to offer or think about. This can cause a fear of introspection and a constant need for external stimulation. Exploring your own thoughts, interests, and creativity when alone can actually make you a more interesting and well-rounded person in social situations.
13. You think self-care is selfish.
Some people believe that taking time for themselves is selfish or indulgent. You might feel guilty about spending time alone, viewing it as taking away from time you could be helping or being with other people. This can lead to burnout and resentment over time. Self-care, including alone time, is essential for maintaining your mental and emotional health. By taking care of yourself, you’re actually better equipped to care for other people and contribute positively to your relationships and community.
14. You believe your value comes from being needed by people.
Source: Unsplash If you’ve tied your sense of worth to being constantly available and needed by people, alone time might feel threatening to your identity. You might worry that if you’re not always there for people, you’ll lose your value or purpose. This can lead to overextending yourself and neglecting your own needs. Your inherent worth isn’t dependent on what you do for people.
15. You think being alone means you’re missing something important.
Source: Unsplash This often manifests as a constant feeling that there’s something more you should be doing or experiencing. When alone, you might feel incomplete or as if life is passing you by. This can cause restlessness and an inability to enjoy solitude. It’s important to recognise that fulfilment comes from within, not from constant external experiences or interactions. Alone time can actually be an opportunity to discover what truly matters to you and to cultivate a sense of completeness within yourself.
16. You believe that being alone means you’re vulnerable.
Source: Unsplash Some people associate being alone with being unsafe or vulnerable, whether physically or emotionally. This might stem from past experiences or societal messages about the dangers of solitude. As a result, you might avoid being alone out of fear. While it’s important to be aware of your surroundings, it’s equally crucial to develop a sense of security within yourself. Learning to feel safe and confident when alone can be empowering and liberating, allowing you to enjoy solitude without constant anxiety.
