We all like to be liked, but for some of us, that desire to please everyone can go a little overboard.
If you find yourself constantly putting other people’s needs before your own, bending over backwards to avoid conflict, or saying “yes” when you really mean “no,” you might be a people-pleaser. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being kind and considerate, but if you’re sacrificing your own happiness and well-being in the process, it might be time to re-evaluate your priorities. Here are a few phrases you might catch yourself saying if you’re a people-pleaser.
1. “I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”
Source: Unsplash Even when something isn’t your fault, you tend to take the blame to avoid conflict or upsetting anyone. You apologise for things you didn’t do, feeling responsible for other people’s feelings. It’s a way to maintain harmony, but it can also lead to resentment and a feeling of being taken advantage of.
2. “Yes, I can do that.”
You have trouble saying “no,” even when you’re already swamped with tasks or commitments. You fear disappointing people or being seen as unhelpful. But constantly overextending yourself can lead to burnout and resentment. It’s important to learn to set boundaries and prioritise your own needs.
3. “Whatever you want is fine with me.”
Source: Unsplash You often put your own preferences aside to accommodate everyone else. You go along with their choices, even if it means sacrificing your own desires or needs. While it’s nice to be flexible, constantly deferring to other people can leave you feeling resentful and unfulfilled.
4. “I don’t want to bother you.”
Source: Unsplash You hesitate to ask for help or support, even when you need it. You don’t want to inconvenience people or be seen as needy. But everyone needs help sometimes, and there’s no shame in asking for it. It’s important to recognise that you’re not a burden and that people are usually happy to lend a hand.
5. “I don’t want to make things awkward.”
Source: Unsplash You avoid expressing your true feelings or opinions if you think they might upset someone. You keep quiet during disagreements, even if you have a valid point to make. While it’s important to be respectful, it’s also important to be honest and assertive. Bottling up your emotions can lead to resentment and frustration.
6. “It’s no big deal.”
Source: Unsplash You downplay your own accomplishments or achievements, fearing that they might make people feel uncomfortable or insecure. You don’t want to appear boastful or self-centred. But it’s okay to be proud of yourself and celebrate your successes. Recognising your own worth is an important part of self-care.
7. “I’m fine.”
Source: Unsplash You often say you’re fine, even when you’re not. You suppress your true emotions, fearing that they might be a burden to people. But it’s okay to not be okay. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can be cathartic and help you feel better.
8. “What can I do to make you happy?”
Source: Unsplash You prioritise other people’s happiness over your own. You go out of your way to make them feel good, even if it means sacrificing your own well-being. While it’s nice to be kind and thoughtful, it’s important to remember that you can’t make everyone happy all the time. Focus on your own happiness, too.
9. “I don’t mind, really.”
Source: Unsplash You often brush off your own needs and preferences, convincing yourself that they don’t matter. You might feel uncomfortable voicing your desires or opinions, fearing they’ll be inconvenient for people. But your needs are valid, and expressing them is an essential part of healthy relationships and self-care.
10. “I’m not sure, what do you think?”
Source: Unsplash You constantly seek reassurance and validation from other people, lacking confidence in your own decisions. You may feel unsure about your opinions or choices, fearing they might be wrong or unpopular. But learning to trust your own judgment and take ownership of your decisions is a crucial step towards personal growth.
11. “I just want everyone to be happy.”
Source: Unsplash This is a classic people-pleaser motto. You prioritise keeping the peace and avoiding conflict, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. But it’s impossible to please everyone all the time, and trying to do so can lead to exhaustion and resentment. Remember, it’s okay to prioritise your own well-being and set boundaries.
12. “I should have done better.”
Source: Unsplash You hold yourself to impossibly high standards, always striving for perfection. You feel responsible for any mistakes or shortcomings, even when they’re beyond your control. But everyone makes mistakes, and it’s important to learn from them instead of beating yourself up over them. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your own limitations.
13. “I feel bad for saying no.”
Source: Unsplash You experience guilt or anxiety when you decline a request or set a boundary. You may feel obligated to say yes, even when you don’t have the time or energy. But it’s okay to say no without feeling guilty. You’re not responsible for fulfilling everyone else’s needs, and prioritising your own well-being is not selfish.
14. “I’m so sorry for bothering you.”
Source: Unsplash You apologise excessively, even for minor inconveniences or requests. You may feel like you’re imposing on people or taking up their time. But it’s okay to ask for help or express your needs. Most people are happy to assist you, and you shouldn’t feel bad for reaching out.
15. “I’ll just do it myself.”
Source: Unsplash You avoid delegating tasks or asking for help, even when you’re overwhelmed. You may feel like it’s easier or faster to do everything yourself, or you may fear that other people won’t do it as well as you would. But learning to delegate and trust people is an important skill, and it can free up your time and energy for other things.
16. “I hope I didn’t offend you.”
Source: Unsplash You’re overly concerned with other people’s feelings, constantly worrying about whether you’ve said or done something wrong. You may overanalyse your interactions and second-guess your words, fearing that you’ve upset someone. But it’s impossible to please everyone all the time, and it’s okay to make mistakes. Learn to forgive yourself and let go of the need for constant approval.
17. “Anything to avoid conflict.”
Source: Unsplash You go to great lengths to avoid disagreements or confrontations, even if it means compromising your own values or beliefs. You may agree with people just to keep the peace, or you may avoid expressing your true opinions altogether. But healthy conflict can be a catalyst for growth and understanding. Learning to assert yourself and stand up for what you believe in is an essential part of personal development.
