Words have power, and a lot of times, we have no idea how hurtful some of the things we say to people can be.
However, we’re also all adults here, and there’s no excuse for being rude. Whether someone made you angry, you don’t like them, or you’re just in a bad mood, if any of these phrases are part of your vocabulary, you clearly have an unkind streak and need to address it.
1. You say, “I told you so” when someone makes a mistake.
It might be tempting to say, but rubbing someone’s mistake in their face doesn’t help. They probably already feel bad, and hearing this just adds salt to the wound. A more compassionate response would be something like, “Is there anything I can do to help?” It shows empathy rather than gloating over their error.
2. You tell someone to “just get over it” when they’re upset.
Telling someone to just move on from their feelings is dismissive and invalidates what they’re going through. It implies that their emotions aren’t important, which can make them feel misunderstood. Instead, try listening to them or acknowledging their feelings with something like, “I understand this is tough for you right now.”
3. You say “You’re being too sensitive” when someone expresses hurt.
This can make someone feel like their emotions are wrong or overblown. Everyone processes emotions differently, so just because it wouldn’t upset you, doesn’t mean it’s not valid for them. Try saying, “I didn’t realise that affected you. Let’s talk about it.” It opens the door for understanding.
4. You ask, “Have you lost weight?” as a compliment.
It’s often meant with good intentions, but this comment can be more harmful than you think. It implies that their worth is tied to their appearance and that losing weight is always a positive thing. Plus, they could be losing weight for reasons beyond their control, like stress or illness. Compliment them on something else instead, like their energy or confidence.
5. You say “It’s just a joke, don’t take it so seriously” after offending someone.
This line is a classic deflection when someone’s been offended. It shifts the blame onto them rather than acknowledging that your “joke” was hurtful. Instead of dismissing their reaction, a better response would be, “I didn’t mean to offend, I’m sorry if that came across the wrong way.”
6. You tell someone “You look tired” when you see them.
Sure, you might be trying to express concern, but what people hear is, “You look terrible.” It’s far better to ask, “How are you doing?” This shows care without making them feel self-conscious about their appearance.
7. You say, “At least it’s not as bad as…” when someone shares a problem.
Comparing someone’s struggles to worse scenarios doesn’t help. It minimises their experience and can make them feel like they don’t have a right to be upset. Instead, acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, “That sounds really tough. I’m here for you.”
8. You tell someone, “You should smile more” or “Cheer up”.
Telling someone to adjust their facial expression or mood is invasive and unnecessary. You have no idea what someone is going through, and pushing them to be happy can feel dismissive. A more thoughtful approach might be, “I hope everything’s okay. Let me know if you need anything.”
9. You say “I’m not racist, but…” before making a comment.
If you have to preface a statement like this, it’s a huge red flag that what you’re about to say is likely offensive. Instead, stop and reconsider whether your comment needs to be made at all. If it feels wrong enough to require a disclaimer, it’s probably best left unsaid.
10. You tell someone “You’ll change your mind” about not wanting children.
Telling someone they’ll change their mind about life decisions, like not wanting children, is condescending and dismisses their autonomy. People know what they want, and pushing this belief is disrespectful. It’s better to respect their choice and say, “That’s fair. Everyone’s different.”
11. You say “It’s always something with you” when someone shares a problem.
This phrase comes off as if you’re tired of hearing from them, which can make the person feel like they’re a burden. It’s much kinder to say, “I can see you’re going through a lot right now, let’s figure this out together.” This response acknowledges their challenges without sounding dismissive.
12. You tell someone “You’re lucky to even have a job” when they express work frustrations.
Gratitude is important, but this comment can make people feel guilty for their completely valid concerns about their job. Everyone deserves fair treatment and good working conditions. Instead, try saying, “I get why that’s frustrating, do you want to talk more about it?”
13. You say, “You don’t look autistic/depressed/sick” to someone with a condition.
Many conditions aren’t physically visible, so this comment can make someone feel like you’re questioning their experience. Instead, be supportive with a response like, “Thank you for sharing. How can I be there for you?”
14. You tell someone “Everything happens for a reason” after a loss or tragedy.
Source: Unsplash While intended to comfort, this can come across as dismissive of their pain and struggle. Rather than trying to find meaning in their suffering, a more compassionate response would be, “I’m really sorry for what you’re going through, and I’m here if you need anything.”
15. You say, “Who died?” when someone is quiet or not smiling.
Source: Unsplash Even if meant as a joke, this phrase trivialises something as serious as death and can be deeply hurtful, especially if they’ve recently lost someone. Instead of making assumptions, try saying, “Is everything okay? You seem a little down today.” It’s kinder and more respectful.
