A little bit of empathy goes a long way in the world.
You might not understand where someone is coming from or agree with their feelings, but you can still validate them and accept them as they are. It costs nothing to be kind, but if you’re constantly saying things that make people feel bad about themselves, you’re clearly highly insensitive. If the following phrases are part of your regular vocabulary, you might want to reassess the way you speak to people.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
Source: Unsplash This one’s a classic. It might feel like you’re just calling it as you see it, but it often comes across as dismissive. Everyone’s got their own emotional thermostat, and what feels like no big deal to you might be a big wave for someone else. Instead of brushing off their feelings, try to understand where they’re coming from. You might learn something new about your friend and strengthen your bond in the process.
2. “I don’t see colour.”
You might think you’re being super inclusive with this one, but it can actually feel pretty dismissive. People’s experiences are shaped by all sorts of factors, including their race. Saying you don’t see colour ignores a big part of who they are and the unique challenges they might face. It’s okay to acknowledge differences – it’s what you do with that awareness that counts.
3. “It’s not that bad.”
When someone’s sharing a tough time they’re going through, this phrase can feel like a slap in the face. Pain is relative, and what seems minor to you might be major league stuff for them. Instead of playing the comparison game, try lending an ear. Sometimes people just need to feel heard, not fixed or judged.
4. “You should just…”
Dishing out unsolicited advice, especially with a “should,” can come off as pretty pushy. Most folks aren’t looking for a quick fix when they open up about a problem. They might just want to vent or brainstorm solutions together. If you’ve got an idea, maybe try asking if they want suggestions before diving in with your two cents.
5. “I know exactly how you feel.”
While you might be trying to show empathy, this phrase can actually do the opposite. Everyone’s experiences are unique, and assuming you know exactly what someone else is going through can feel like you’re downplaying their situation. Instead, you could say something like, “That sounds really tough. I’m here if you want to talk more about it.”
6. “Why can’t you just be happy?”
If happiness were a switch we could just flip on, the world would be a very different place. This question can make someone feel even worse about their struggles. Emotions are complex, and sometimes people need time to work through them. Offering support without pressure can be much more helpful than pushing for instant cheer.
7. “You’re lucky that…”
Pointing out the silver lining isn’t always helpful, especially when someone’s in the thick of a tough situation. It can feel like you’re minimising their problems. While gratitude is great, timing is everything. Let them process their feelings first before shifting the focus to the positives.
8. “I told you so.”
Nobody likes to hear this one. Even if you did warn them, rubbing it in when things go south doesn’t help anyone. It just creates distance and resentment. If a friend’s made a mistake, they probably feel bad enough already. Being supportive rather than smug can go a long way in maintaining good relationships.
9. “It’s just a joke.”
If you find yourself saying this a lot, it might be time to rethink your humour. What’s funny to you might be hurtful to someone else. Instead of defending the joke, try to understand why it didn’t land well. A little empathy can go a long way in keeping the laughs rolling without stepping on toes.
10. “You always/never…”
Absolutes like “always” and “never” rarely paint an accurate picture. They can make the other person feel attacked and put them on the defensive. Try to focus on specific situations instead of making sweeping statements. It’s more constructive and less likely to turn a conversation into an argument.
11. “Calm down.”
Has anyone in the history of heated moments ever actually calmed down when told to? This phrase often has the opposite effect, making people feel dismissed or patronised. If someone’s worked up, acknowledge their feelings first. You could say something like, “I can see this is really important to you. Let’s take a moment to talk about it.”
12. “You look tired.”
While you might think you’re showing concern, this one often translates to “You look awful.” It can make someone feel self-conscious or like they’re not putting their best foot forward. If you’re worried about a friend, you could ask how they’re doing or if everything’s okay, without commenting on their appearance.
13. “No offence, but…”
This phrase is usually followed by something pretty offensive. It’s like a warning siren for an incoming insult. If you find yourself using this preface often, it might be worth reconsidering what you’re about to say. Is it necessary? Is there a kinder way to express your thoughts?
14. “It is what it is.”
While sometimes true, this phrase can come off as dismissive when someone’s dealing with a tough situation. It might seem like you’re saying their problems don’t matter or can’t be changed. Instead, you could acknowledge their feelings and offer support. Sometimes people just need to know you’re in their corner.
15. “You’re overreacting.”
This is another phrase that can make people feel like their emotions aren’t valid. What seems like an overreaction to you might be a perfectly normal response for someone else, especially if you don’t know all the details of their situation. Instead of judging their reaction, try to understand what’s driving it. You might learn something new about your friend in the process.
