Parenting is a lot to juggle, and if your husband isn’t pulling his weight with the kids, it can feel overwhelming.
You shouldn’t have to do it all alone — you have a partner, and you’re supposed to be equals. After all, they’re his kids too. If you need more help, here’s how to encourage your husband to get more involved with parenting duties. If he doesn’t want to or refuses to do so, you may want to rethink whether raising kids with him is in any of your best interests.
1. Clearly communicate what you need.
Sometimes, your husband might not realise how much you’re handling because it’s not being said outright. Instead of hinting, be direct: “Can you take over bath time tonight?” or “I need you to handle bedtime routines this week.” Clear communication leaves less room for confusion.
2. Don’t micromanage his approach.
If he’s willing to help, let him do things his way — even if it’s not exactly how you’d do it. Micromanaging can make him feel criticised, which might discourage him from trying. Trust that he can handle things, and give him space to figure it out.
3. Set up a regular schedule for tasks.
Assigning specific days or routines to your husband helps make his involvement consistent. Whether it’s school drop-offs, bedtime, or homework help, having a set schedule reduces the need for constant reminders. Routine makes it feel like a shared responsibility, not just a favour.
4. Acknowledge what he does well.
A little recognition goes a long way. If he’s great at playing with the kids or telling bedtime stories, let him know. Positive reinforcement helps him feel more confident and appreciated. It encourages him to keep showing up and doing his part.
5. Explain how it affects you.
Sometimes, he may not understand how his lack of involvement impacts you. Be honest about how overwhelmed or exhausted you feel. A heartfelt “I’m really struggling to do this on my own” can help him see the situation from your perspective.
6. Share the mental load, not just the tasks.
It’s not just about helping with physical tasks — the mental load of planning, scheduling, and remembering things is equally heavy. Ask him to take ownership of some of that planning, like managing school emails or scheduling doctor appointments. Sharing the load lightens your mental burden.
7. Let him see the chaos you manage.
If he’s rarely alone with the kids, he might not understand how demanding it can be. Give him the opportunity to experience solo parenting for a day or evening. Having hands-on experience helps him appreciate what you do and why you need more support.
8. Avoid blame and focus on teamwork.
Starting with “You never help” can put him on the defensive. Instead, use “we” language: “How can we manage this better?” or “Let’s figure out a way to make things more balanced.” Focusing on teamwork makes it a shared challenge, not a finger-pointing session.
9. Divide tasks based on strengths.
Work out who does what based on what you both enjoy or are good at. If he’s great at helping with homework, let that be his domain. If he prefers outdoor activities, maybe he takes the kids to the park. Playing to strengths makes responsibilities feel less like chores.
10. Take breaks and leave him in charge.
Plan time for yourself and leave your husband in charge of the kids. Whether it’s a yoga class, a coffee date, or a few hours with a book, this lets you recharge while he steps up. Regular breaks for you create opportunities for him to bond with the kids.
11. Involve him in decision-making.
When making decisions about the kids, like picking activities or setting routines, include your husband. This helps him feel more invested and aware of what’s going on. The more he’s involved in the planning, the more likely he is to follow through.
12. Create a family “to-do” list.
Having a visible list of daily or weekly tasks makes responsibilities clear. Put it on the fridge or a whiteboard and include both of your names next to tasks. Seeing everything written down helps balance the load and keeps expectations transparent.
13. Encourage one-on-one time with the kids.
Suggest that he spend quality time with the kids without you around — like a trip to the park, movie night, or a fun activity. This helps build his confidence as a parent and strengthens his bond with the kids. Plus, it gives you a well-deserved break.
14. Be patient with the process.
Changing family dynamics takes time. If he’s making an effort, acknowledge that and be patient as he finds his footing. Progress might be slow, but consistency is key. Supporting each other through the process leads to a healthier, more balanced partnership.
