Trying to get a GP appointment in the UK lately feels like entering a phone queue straight from purgatory.
Whether it’s the endless “please hold” music or the receptionist offering you a slot next Thursday… in three weeks, the whole process now feels more like a competition than basic healthcare. At this point, here are 20 things that are genuinely easier to do than getting a GP appointment in modern-day Britain. I suppose if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, right?
1. Get through to your bank’s fraud team
Even the worst bank call centres usually answer quicker than your local GP practice. At least when you call them, you don’t have to hit redial 38 times before getting a human voice. And let’s be honest, if your GP had a “press 1 if you’re worried about your liver” menu, at least you’d know where you stood. Right now, you just sit and hope.
2. Renew your passport
It used to be a long, dreaded task. Now, you apply online, upload a photo, and it’s back in under two weeks. Quicker than getting a doctor to look at your dodgy mole. It says something when international bureaucracy runs smoother than your own local surgery.
3. Get a takeaway delivered in a thunderstorm
You can have a chicken korma arrive at your door in 30 minutes while lightning strikes outside, but to get your GP to call back? You’ll be lucky if it happens before your symptoms change entirely. If Deliveroo ran the NHS booking system, we’d all be sorted by lunchtime.
4. Land a last-minute hair appointment
Your stylist, who’s usually booked solid, will somehow squeeze you in for a trim. But your GP? “Sorry, there’s nothing until mid-next-week. Oh, and it’ll be a phone call, not face-to-face.” Apparently, your split ends are more urgent than your chest pain.
5. Register to vote
It takes minutes online. Confirm your details, done. Meanwhile, to register at a new GP? Good luck. Paper forms, ID copies, weeks of silence, and then you’re still told to “call at 8am sharp.” It genuinely feels like registering with a new GP in 2025 is a slower process than joining the Electoral Roll ever was.
6. Book a flight to anywhere
You can book a flight, pick your seat, add luggage and passport info, all in under 10 minutes. Getting seen by your GP takes three phone calls, an app login that never works, and some blind faith. If you want same-day access to anything in this country, healthcare is no longer on the list.
7. Cancel your gym membership
They used to make it impossible, but now even gyms let you cancel online in about two clicks. Meanwhile, you’re still trying to get a receptionist to confirm your 10-minute phone slot for next Thursday. At this point, it’s easier to cancel your physical wellbeing plans than fix them.
8. Sell something on Facebook Marketplace
Put it up, get messages within minutes, probably sell it that afternoon. But asking for a GP to look at a rash that’s spreading across your arm? “Sorry, all appointments have gone for today. Try again tomorrow.” Tomorrow? That means calling at 7:59 a.m. and being caller number 47 in the queue.
9. Go viral on TikTok by accident
You can post a random video and wake up with 250k views and strangers commenting on your toast. But get a GP to answer the phone before 9 a.m.? Still no chance. At this point, you’d have better luck tagging your GP in a trending video and hoping they message you back.
10. Get a plumber on a Sunday
Water pouring through your ceiling? The plumber’s round by teatime. You ring the doctor with three weeks of chest pain? “If it gets worse, call 111 or A&E.” It’s almost like tradespeople have more realistic scheduling than actual health services right now.
11. Find your lost parcel from Evri
Yes, even Evri—known for leaving your parcel in a bush six doors down—can now track something better than your GP tracks an appointment request. At least they send a photo. Your GP practice? You’re lucky if you even get a confirmation text anymore.
12. Switch broadband provider
You can compare deals, cancel, and get a new router shipped to your house in 48 hours, but to get someone to check that weird stomach pain? You’re stuck pressing redial at 8:01am while working full-time. The irony is that the NHS website loads faster than the NHS can offer a single GP slot.
13. Speak to your child’s school headteacher
You’d think a headteacher would be harder to get hold of. But if something’s wrong at school, you’ll get a call back within a day. Sometimes the same morning. Your GP? “They’ll call between 9 and 6. Keep your phone with you at all times and don’t miss it.”
14. Reschedule a flight
Flights are complicated, international things. And yet, with a couple of clicks and a card payment, you can change it. Your GP? One missed call, and you’re back to the start of the queue tomorrow morning. It’s like being in a game where the goalposts move every 24 hours.
15. Get a blood test at a private clinic
If you can afford it, a private clinic will take your blood, send results, and email you in under 48 hours. Meanwhile, the GP will schedule a blood test… in three weeks, if you’re lucky, and results will “take some time.” It’s a grim gap in healthcare, but one that’s becoming painfully normal for anyone who’s been stuck waiting.
16. Apply for a mortgage
There are multiple steps, banks involved, legal checks. Still, the whole process now feels faster than trying to get 10 minutes on the phone with your GP. You could apply for a mortgage on your break at work and still be waiting for the receptionist to pick up.
17. Replace a lost driving licence
Log in, pay the fee, job done. It arrives in a few days. Meanwhile, your GP’s app login won’t work, the phone lines are jammed, and the online system says “no appointments available.” Honestly, losing your driving licence feels less stressful than chasing a routine appointment these days.
18. Get a same-day Amazon delivery
Order it at lunch, it’s at your door by 8 p.m. Meanwhile, you can’t even get a call back from your surgery before the weekend rolls around and your symptoms go unresolved for another few days. Modern life delivers almost everything—except healthcare when you actually need it.
19. Sort a refund from a budget airline
They used to be a nightmare. But even budget airlines have stepped it up—you get your refund, apology email, and sometimes even a voucher. Meanwhile, you’re still wondering if that GP callback form actually went anywhere. The admin systems everywhere else are improving. GP booking systems are still stuck in 2009.
20. Get a table at a Michelin-starred restaurant
Yes, the fancy ones. You can often get a booking within a week if you check the cancellations list. Meanwhile, you’re two weeks into a cough and hoping the triage nurse gets back to you before your voice disappears entirely. When fine dining has fewer barriers to access than basic healthcare, it says a lot about the state we’re in.
