Home should be a safe space for kids with loving, supportive parents and an environment that provides them with the security and sense of calm they need.
Sadly, not all children have that experience, and many grow up feeling unsafe and insecure in ways that stay with them well into adulthood and beyond. As a result, they often develop these qualities and habits that can hold them back in life and deeply affect their mental health.
1. They’re hypervigilant about their surroundings.
Adults who felt unsafe as children often develop a keen awareness of their environment. They’re constantly scanning for potential threats, always on high alert. Sadly, being in such a heightened state of awareness all the time can be exhausting, and it definitely makes it hard to relax even in seemingly safe situations.
2. They struggle with trust issues.
When safety wasn’t a given in childhood, trusting other people as an adult becomes challenging. They might be slow to open up, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Building and maintaining close relationships can be a constant battle against their instinct to keep people at arm’s length.
3. They’re people-pleasers.
In an attempt to create a sense of safety, many become expert people-pleasers. They might go to great lengths to avoid conflict, often at the expense of their own needs and desires. Their behaviour has roots in childhood, where keeping other people happy felt like the only way to ensure security.
4. They’re not great at setting boundaries.
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can be a struggle. Having grown up in an environment where their boundaries were often violated or non-existent, these adults might find it hard to assert their limits. They may oscillate between being overly accommodating and completely shutting people out.
5. They’re prone to anxiety and panic attacks.
The constant state of fear experienced in childhood can manifest as anxiety disorders in adulthood. Panic attacks might occur seemingly out of nowhere, triggered by situations that subconsciously remind them of past insecurities. Managing this anxiety becomes a daily challenge.
6. They’re perfectionists.
Many adults who felt unsafe as children develop perfectionist tendencies. They might believe that if they do everything ‘right’, they can avoid negative outcomes or feelings of vulnerability. Their perfectionism, while a coping mechanism, can lead to chronic stress and burnout.
7. They have a hard time feeling ‘at home’ anywhere.
The concept of ‘home’ as a safe haven might be foreign to these people. Even in their own living spaces, they might struggle to fully relax or feel secure. Their persistent feeling of being unsettled can make it difficult to put down roots or create a sense of belonging.
8. They’re overly self-reliant.
Having learned early on that they couldn’t rely on other people for safety, these adults often become fiercely independent. While self-reliance can be a strength, they might take it to an extreme, refusing help even when they genuinely need it. This can lead to feelings of isolation and burnout.
9. They struggle with emotional regulation.
Growing up in an unsafe environment can disrupt the development of healthy emotional regulation. As adults, they might find themselves easily overwhelmed by emotions or, conversely, struggle to connect with their feelings at all. This can lead to troubles in personal and professional relationships.
10. They’re drawn to chaotic relationships.
Paradoxically, some adults who felt unsafe as children find themselves attracted to unstable or chaotic relationships. The familiarity of uncertainty can be oddly comforting, even if it’s ultimately harmful. Breaking this cycle and gravitating towards healthier relationships can be a significant challenge.
11. They have difficulty making decisions.
When safety was unpredictable in childhood, decision-making as an adult can feel overwhelming. Every choice might seem fraught with potential danger, leading to analysis paralysis. Even small decisions can cause significant stress and anxiety.
12. They’re always prepared for the worst.
Source: Unsplash These adults often live with a constant sense of impending doom. They might over-prepare for every scenario, always expecting things to go wrong. While this can sometimes be helpful, it often prevents them from fully enjoying positive experiences or taking healthy risks.
13. They struggle with imposter syndrome.
Source: Unsplash A childhood lacking in security can lead to deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. As adults, they might constantly doubt their abilities and accomplishments, feeling like frauds even when they’ve achieved success. Their imposter syndrome can hold them back from reaching their full potential.
14. They have a hard time accepting love and care.
Genuine affection and care can feel foreign and even uncomfortable for those who didn’t experience it consistently in childhood. They might push away people who treat them well, subconsciously believing they don’t deserve kindness or fearing that it will be taken away.
15. They’re prone to self-sabotage.
Source: Unsplash When things are going well, these adults might unconsciously create problems or push people away. Their tendency toward self-sabotage stems from a deep-seated belief that good things don’t last, or that they don’t deserve happiness. Breaking this pattern requires a lot of self-awareness and often professional help.
16. They struggle with physical health issues.
Source: Unsplash The stress of growing up in an unsafe environment can have lasting physical effects. As adults, they might experience chronic health issues, including digestive problems, headaches, or autoimmune disorders. The mind-body connection means that emotional scars often manifest in physical symptoms.
17. They’re resilient problem-solvers.
Source: Unsplash Despite the challenges, many adults who felt unsafe as children develop remarkable resilience and problem-solving skills. They’ve learned to adapt to difficult situations and often have a unique ability to think on their feet. While their past experiences have left scars, they’ve also equipped them with valuable strengths.
