Mums and sons have special relationships, but there’s a difference between support and coddling.
It’s a mother’s job to teach her kids, regardless of gender, how to be independent, capable adults. However, some mums get into the habit of doing basically everything for their sons, cleaning up after them, cooking all their meals, doing their washing, and shielding them from basic responsibilities long past childhood. As a result, those boys often grow up into men who do these things in relationships, much to their partners’ chagrin!
1. Expect praise for basic tasks
Remember when getting a gold star for tying your shoes was a big deal? Some guys never quite outgrew that. They’ll expect a parade for loading the dishwasher or changing a lightbulb. Basic adult responsibilities become Oscar-worthy performances in their minds. While enthusiasm for contribution is great, expecting constant acknowledgment for everyday tasks suggests they’re still operating on their childhood reward system.
2. Struggle with independent decisions
Decision-making becomes a family affair, with mum still getting a vote in everything from career moves to paint colours. Every choice needs multiple opinions and approvals, especially from their mum. They might bounce between their partner’s preference and their mother’s advice, creating a tennis match of indecision. The ability to trust their own judgement often takes a back seat to chasing external validation.
3. Avoid household chores
The magical elves who kept their childhood home running (aka Mum) created unrealistic expectations about adult life. Basic tasks like laundry, grocery shopping, or cleaning become mysterious challenges they’d rather not face. They might wait for things to “sort themselves out” just like they always did at home. The household fairy godmother retirement plan hasn’t quite sunk in yet.
4. Compare every meal to Mum’s cooking
Source: Unsplash Every dinner becomes a cooking competition, with Mum’s legendary dishes as the gold standard. They’ll reminisce about how their mother made this dish differently, usually while picking at perfectly good food. The phrase, “That’s not how my mum makes it!” becomes a regular dinner guest. They haven’t realised that taste buds, like relationships, need to grow up sometimes.
5. Need constant comfort for minor setbacks
Small challenges trigger expectations of extensive emotional support. A tough day at work requires hours of consolation, and minor disappointments need major comfort sessions. They’re used to having their feelings cushioned and validated extensively. The real world’s lack of bubble wrap comes as an ongoing surprise.
6. Deflect responsibility for mistakes
Years of having their mum smooth over their mishaps created a habit of avoiding accountability. They might struggle to admit when they’re wrong or find creative ways to shift blame. Taking responsibility feels unfamiliar when you’re used to someone else making everything okay. They’re still waiting for someone to fix their mistakes rather than facing them head-on.
7. Expect mind-reading abilities
Just like Mum somehow knew exactly what they needed when they were young, they expect partners to have similar psychic abilities. Communicating needs directly feels foreign — surely their partner should just know, right? They might get frustrated when their unspoken expectations go unmet, forgetting that mind-reading isn’t actually a standard relationship skill.
8. Need constant reassurance
The steady stream of maternal praise created a need for continuous validation. They might frequently fish for compliments or need regular confirmation that everything’s okay. Simple disagreements can trigger disproportionate needs for reassurance. The unconditional positive feedback loop from childhood proves hard to outgrow.
9. Struggle with emotional regulation
Having emotions constantly soothed by Mum means they might not have developed their own coping mechanisms. Stress, frustration, or disappointment can lead to outsized reactions. They might expect partners to manage their emotions for them, just like their mother always did. The emotional toolbox is still waiting for some adult tools to be added.
10. Avoid confrontation at all costs
When someone’s always smoothed things over for you, dealing with conflict directly feels scary. They might go to great lengths to avoid uncomfortable conversations or disagreements. The habit of having someone else handle difficult situations creates a pattern of conflict avoidance. They’re still waiting for someone to step in and make everything better.
11. Prioritise their mum’s opinion over their partner’s
Mum’s seal of approval carries more weight than their partner’s preferences or needs. Major life decisions often require maternal consultation, even when they directly affect their relationship. They might unconsciously try to please their mum first, partner second. The family hierarchy hasn’t quite adjusted to adult relationship status.
12. Expect perfect nurturing during illness
A simple cold triggers expectations of round-the-clock care and attention. They might regress into childhood patterns when sick, expecting the same level of nurturing they received from their mum. Partners are expected to channel their inner Florence Nightingale at the first sign of sniffles. The man-flu becomes a full-scale production, requiring Oscar-worthy nursing performances.
13. Struggle with financial independence
The bank of Mum might still be open for business well into adulthood. They might have difficulty making independent financial decisions or handling money responsibly. Emergency funds sometimes come from their mother’s phone number rather than actual savings. The financial umbilical cord proves particularly tough to cut.
14. Have unrealistic domestic expectations
Years of having everything done for them created a skewed view of how households run. They might expect their living space to magically maintain itself or assume their partner will naturally take over all domestic duties. The reality of shared household responsibilities comes as an ongoing revelation. They’re still waiting for the housework fairy to show up.
15. Need excessive appreciation
Growing up with constant praise for minimal effort creates an expectation of ongoing appreciation. Regular partner duties become heroic gestures deserving of special recognition. They might keep score of their contributions, expecting acknowledgment for each one. The applause meter from childhood still influences their adult expectations.
