Sometimes your emotions get the better of you — you’re only human, after all.
However, when someone says or does something to trigger you, the worst thing you can do is explode or melt down. The other person may not have meant any offence, and you may find that if you take a few minutes to think before reacting, you’re actually okay. Instead of lashing out or giving into the extreme emotions that can come with being triggered, here are some things you can stay instead.
1. “I need to step away for a moment.”
This simple, straightforward statement gives you a moment to breathe before emotions escalate. Taking a step back doesn’t mean you’re avoiding the situation—it means you’re prioritising a calm, thoughtful response over an impulsive reaction. It also signals to the other person that you value the conversation enough to handle it responsibly.
2. “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.”
Acknowledging your emotional state out loud helps bring clarity to the moment. It’s a way to be honest without blaming anyone, making it easier for the other person to understand where you’re coming from. Sometimes, just naming the feeling can take its intensity down a notch and pave the way for a more balanced discussion.
3. “Can we pause and reset?”
When tensions rise, suggesting a pause shows emotional awareness and a willingness to prevent things from spiralling. This tells the other person that you’re committed to having the conversation, but you want to do it in a way that’s productive, not heated. It’s a proactive step towards keeping things civil and focused.
4. “I hear what you’re saying, and I need time to process it.”
This response validates the other person’s point of view while giving you the space to handle your emotions. It’s a great way to avoid knee-jerk reactions while keeping the door open for a meaningful exchange later. Taking time to reflect often leads to better understanding and stronger resolutions.
5. “Could you help me understand your perspective?”
Asking this shifts the focus from reacting to listening. It gives the other person a chance to clarify their point and helps you avoid jumping to conclusions. Leading with curiosity often softens tension, making it easier to find common ground and move forward together.
6. “I’m noticing I’m getting defensive.”
Calling out your own reaction takes courage and shows a high level of self-awareness. It also cuts tension, as it makes the conversation less about blame and more about mutual understanding. When you own your feelings, it often encourages the other person to reflect on their own behaviour, too.
7. “Let me make sure I understood correctly.”
Taking a minute to clarify what was said gives you time to process and ensures you’re not reacting to a misinterpretation. It also shows the other person that you value their input enough to get it right. Conversations tend to stay calmer when both parties feel genuinely heard.
8. “I care about resolving this.”
It’s a simple statement, but an effective one because it reminds everyone involved that the relationship matters more than the conflict. It shifts the focus from the disagreement to finding a solution, creating a sense of teamwork. Reassuring the other person of your intentions can create a more collaborative and less combative atmosphere.
9. “Can we approach this differently?”
Sometimes the method of communication is the real issue. Suggesting a new approach—whether it’s taking a break, using different language, or focusing on solutions—shows adaptability. This helps steer the conversation back on track without placing blame or adding tension.
10. “I need to check my assumptions.”
Admitting that you might be viewing the situation through a biased lens shows humility and self-awareness. It also encourages the other person to reflect on their own perspective, making the conversation more balanced. Recognising your triggers can open up space for a deeper, more constructive dialogue.
11. “Let me tell you what I’m hearing.”
Rephrasing what you think they’re saying ensures clarity while giving you a moment to collect your thoughts. It shows that you’re engaged and trying to understand, which often helps de-escalate tension. Plus, it invites the other person to correct any misunderstandings before they snowball.
12. “I want to respond thoughtfully, not reactively.”
This sets the tone for a more intentional conversation. It shows that you respect both the topic and the person enough to take the time to process your emotions. This approach often earns mutual respect and makes it easier to resolve issues constructively.
13. “Can we identify what we agree on first?”
Finding common ground early can lower the temperature of a heated discussion. Starting with points of agreement creates a sense of teamwork, making it easier to tackle the harder topics. It’s a practical way to remind everyone that you’re working towards the same goal.
14. “I’m trying to understand, not argue.”
This fights defensiveness by clarifying your intentions. It signals that you’re not here to pick a fight, but to genuinely connect and resolve. Conversations often take a more productive turn when both parties feel they’re being approached with curiosity rather than confrontation.
15. “This feels bigger than the current situation.”
Acknowledging that your reaction might be tied to deeper issues shows emotional insight. It reframes the moment, making it about understanding the bigger picture rather than just reacting to the trigger. This can open the door to addressing underlying problems and strengthening the relationship.
16. “Let’s focus on one issue at a time.”
When emotions run high, it’s tempting to throw every grievance into the mix. Focusing on a single point keeps the conversation manageable and prevents overwhelm. By tackling one issue at a time, you ensure that each concern is addressed thoughtfully, leading to more effective resolutions.
